Ex being abused/How would you handle

[Reto]

So, my ex calls me yesterday crying and tells me that the guy she dumped me for is abusing her. He won't let her have any of her guy friends, has threatened her with violence, and verbally abuses her. I think it's a matter of time before he actually does start beating her.

One part of me thinks of it as payback for hurting me. The other part of me wants to help her. (Under no circumstances do I want her back). I hate to see any woman treated like that.

I basically told her, you are the way you are. You have guy friends. He can't expect you to drop them or change for him. And he is the way he is. A jealous abuser. Either put up with his crap, or leave him.

I'm just curious how you guys would handle the situation...

I know. Why do I care? I don't know...

 

[NewMan]

It's natural for you to care - I wouldn't worry about that in the slightest.

Now what do you propose to do about this? What does she expect you to do about this?

If I were you I would do nothing except advise her. Do not get caught up in the middle of this - don't let her stay at your place or pick her up at 2am in the morning - your going to be dragged in to an emotional turmoil - she's already hurt you once, don't give her a second chance.

Advise her to leave him - and if anything happens she should call the Police. She can also get a restraining order on him if she wants.

Those things above proves that she is serious about leaving - just telling you about him over the phone after they have argued and she needs comforting is not something you should base your actions upon.

 

[Skel]

Dont get involved unless you like drama and want problems that arent yours to become yours

 

[lerxst]

Really the only thing you can and should do is tell her to leave him. And, if she says stuff like she can't, I love him, etc, all that other crap she will lay on you, then you have to stand firm and tell her that if he is abusing her, and doesn't leave him, then you aren't interested in hearing about it. I know it sounds heartless, but we are all personally responsible for ourselves ultimately, and if her choice is to stay, stupid as that is, nothing you say will ever convince her otherwise. If she's puts in the effort to leave him, most certainly help her in that regard, and be prepared to call the police for assistance. But be aware that your involvement in this whole thing can become a very dangerous situation for you depending on the level of violence that this other guy is capable of.

 

[Julian]

Who gives a sh1t. let her suffer. What, she kicks you to the curb then expects you to come play hero? Fucc that.

 

[Reto]

Thanx...I agree with all of you. Even Julian. I guess I just needed validation in my thinking.

Like I told her. Either accept him for who he is AND his sh!t, or leave. Simple as that...

As far as giving her a place to stay... I don't think so. I wouldn't let her move in when we were together, so she isn't now. Like what was said above. I don't need that drama...

What's interesting is that my sister is a big city cop. She told me all the domestic abuse cases she's handled, the abuser is typically afraid of other guys and getting his own @ss kicked. There is no lower life form than that than a guy who abuses any one like that...

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I agree with everyone. Never be that sweet caring "captain save a hoe" stupid son of a ***** who never gets laid. Let her wallow in her own mess.

 

[AFK Protector]

.....Reto, good move by giving her two choices and letting her decide.

Rest of you guys, I think you've been blinded by your emotions. Here's a girl, who needs help, who may be killed or hurt just because you couldn't get over your loss? If you gotta always think of stuff in DJ terms, then a real DJ would forget her and move on, but wouldn't hope for anything bad to happen to her. How would you feel if you heard on the news that a girl was beat to death by her boyfriend? Wouldn't you have wished that you were there to stop it? Plus, you need to report this MAHTHA'PHUCKIN woman beater. If he doesn't hurt her, he'll surely go after another girl. It's narrowminded men that are too caught up in their OWN feelings to realize how serious this situation is. Payback is for losers who dwell on the past.

What if this girl was your sister? If she picked on you as a kid, would you let her suffer? I think not.

And if you do, maybe you need some help yourself.

 

[CLOONEY]

You did the right thing here. However if he did start to hit her, I would beat the living fukc out of him!! I could never see an X I shared all those close moments with, be with a guy like that!!

 

[AFK Protector]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
You did the right thing here. However if he did start to hit her, I would beat the living fukc out of him!! I could never see an X I shared all those close moments with, be with a guy like that!!

Right on bro...right on.