Rubber Bandit
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Why you should not be ashamed of being an AFC
It seems that many budding DJs see so-called AFC behaviour as something to be ashamed of. I beg to differ. No-one is born a DJ, and every DJ was once an AFC, and this post is my own speculation about how this is in fact exactly what Mother Nature intended.
Human beings are products of evolution like any other creature. We are all descended from an unbroken line of those who managed to succesfully reproduce, and to rear their offspring to an age at which they themselves were able to do the same. This is no small achievement!
Our ancestors had to survive in a hostile environment, to attract a mate, and to cooperate with her or him in the raising of a family. Only those that were able to do so passed their genes on to the next generation. Therefore we all have within us the tools we need to do the same.
A DJ is someone who has learnt to use these tools.
The tools themselves are not only our powers of reason, but our instincts, emotions, and feelings, our sense of attraction to a potential mate, and our empathy for others and understanding of their needs, and last but by no means least, our ability to fall in love, and create a lasting bond with another person.
However, while we may be born with these tools, we do not know how to use them straight away.
An AFC is not ready to be a DJ, as he has not learnt the value of the tools at his disposal, and he has not yet tested them.
So-called AFC behaviour, as we all know, is pretty much guaranteed not to get the girl, or at least not for very long, but we all do it (or did it) anyway. If evolution is so keen to have us going forth and multiplying, why not set that in motion straight away? Because an AFC has not yet become what he is capable of, and is not ready for the responsabilities of adulthood.
If the AFC does get the girl, he does not understand her, or indeed himself, and cannot provide for her emotional and material needs and those of their future offspring. He got the girl by showing her his attraction to her, and he may very well fall in love with her, but if he is not ready, or the partnership is not compatible, he will get his heart broken.
A DJ is one who has survived a broken heart.
A broken heart is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. It hurts so much for a reason. To teach us to get it right. To use the tools that our genes gave us. It gives us a sense of perspective, even if the girl who we thought would be with us forever can leave, then love and attraction is not enough, we must become a better person. A broken heart is surely not the only way to become a DJ, nor is it infallible, but those who fail to learn its lesson are not ready for the next stage.
There are of course other ways to become a DJ, but all rely on a concious understanding of oneself and others as human beings, and a comfortable relationship with the world around us. The AFC state is an apprenticeship where humiliation, embarrassment, and emotional discomfort gently (or not) push us in the right direction. How long you stay there is up to you!
If you want to escape the AFC state you must test yourself.
A DJ is one who has tried and failed many times, but has picked himself up, learnt from his mistakes, and tried again. If you never risk failure, then you will never learn to succeed.
A DJ uses his emotional antenna.
If you want to know how someone feels about you, one of the best ways is how they make you feel. Excited, nervous, happy, uncomfortable? Reading body language is not about counting how often someone touches their hair, or licks their lips. Your senses will do that for you.
If someone likes you, you know. And if they don't, you know too. Trust your instincts, but remember even if they are attracted to you, there may be a other reasons why they don't wish to pursue it, respect them, but you won't find out unless you try. Embarrassment is when you ignore these signals and do something your instincts were telling you not to do.
Your feelings are partly based on your past experiences.
These may be grossly unrepresentative, and are likely to very limited, unless you are already drawing a pension. Be aware of that, and do things which scare you to broaden your horizons. On the other hand, we are all human beings, and your instincts will serve you well in anticipating someone's reaction, though this too my be modified by both your and their emotional history. If you are aware of this, you can account for it.
The Three Stages of Man
1. Child
Focused on survival, learning, and attachment to parents.
2. AFC
Discovery of sexuality and the mysterious appeal of the opposite sex. Lack of self-awareness and empathy. Dependent on others for approval. Still in a learning stage.
2. DJ
Ready for the big wide world. Admired and attractive to others. Has proven himself, and acquired the confidence which goes with that. Knows what he wants, and why he wants it. Has become what nature intended.
It seems that many budding DJs see so-called AFC behaviour as something to be ashamed of. I beg to differ. No-one is born a DJ, and every DJ was once an AFC, and this post is my own speculation about how this is in fact exactly what Mother Nature intended.
Human beings are products of evolution like any other creature. We are all descended from an unbroken line of those who managed to succesfully reproduce, and to rear their offspring to an age at which they themselves were able to do the same. This is no small achievement!
Our ancestors had to survive in a hostile environment, to attract a mate, and to cooperate with her or him in the raising of a family. Only those that were able to do so passed their genes on to the next generation. Therefore we all have within us the tools we need to do the same.
A DJ is someone who has learnt to use these tools.
The tools themselves are not only our powers of reason, but our instincts, emotions, and feelings, our sense of attraction to a potential mate, and our empathy for others and understanding of their needs, and last but by no means least, our ability to fall in love, and create a lasting bond with another person.
However, while we may be born with these tools, we do not know how to use them straight away.
An AFC is not ready to be a DJ, as he has not learnt the value of the tools at his disposal, and he has not yet tested them.
So-called AFC behaviour, as we all know, is pretty much guaranteed not to get the girl, or at least not for very long, but we all do it (or did it) anyway. If evolution is so keen to have us going forth and multiplying, why not set that in motion straight away? Because an AFC has not yet become what he is capable of, and is not ready for the responsabilities of adulthood.
If the AFC does get the girl, he does not understand her, or indeed himself, and cannot provide for her emotional and material needs and those of their future offspring. He got the girl by showing her his attraction to her, and he may very well fall in love with her, but if he is not ready, or the partnership is not compatible, he will get his heart broken.
A DJ is one who has survived a broken heart.
A broken heart is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. It hurts so much for a reason. To teach us to get it right. To use the tools that our genes gave us. It gives us a sense of perspective, even if the girl who we thought would be with us forever can leave, then love and attraction is not enough, we must become a better person. A broken heart is surely not the only way to become a DJ, nor is it infallible, but those who fail to learn its lesson are not ready for the next stage.
There are of course other ways to become a DJ, but all rely on a concious understanding of oneself and others as human beings, and a comfortable relationship with the world around us. The AFC state is an apprenticeship where humiliation, embarrassment, and emotional discomfort gently (or not) push us in the right direction. How long you stay there is up to you!
If you want to escape the AFC state you must test yourself.
A DJ is one who has tried and failed many times, but has picked himself up, learnt from his mistakes, and tried again. If you never risk failure, then you will never learn to succeed.
A DJ uses his emotional antenna.
If you want to know how someone feels about you, one of the best ways is how they make you feel. Excited, nervous, happy, uncomfortable? Reading body language is not about counting how often someone touches their hair, or licks their lips. Your senses will do that for you.
If someone likes you, you know. And if they don't, you know too. Trust your instincts, but remember even if they are attracted to you, there may be a other reasons why they don't wish to pursue it, respect them, but you won't find out unless you try. Embarrassment is when you ignore these signals and do something your instincts were telling you not to do.
Your feelings are partly based on your past experiences.
These may be grossly unrepresentative, and are likely to very limited, unless you are already drawing a pension. Be aware of that, and do things which scare you to broaden your horizons. On the other hand, we are all human beings, and your instincts will serve you well in anticipating someone's reaction, though this too my be modified by both your and their emotional history. If you are aware of this, you can account for it.
The Three Stages of Man
1. Child
Focused on survival, learning, and attachment to parents.
2. AFC
Discovery of sexuality and the mysterious appeal of the opposite sex. Lack of self-awareness and empathy. Dependent on others for approval. Still in a learning stage.
2. DJ
Ready for the big wide world. Admired and attractive to others. Has proven himself, and acquired the confidence which goes with that. Knows what he wants, and why he wants it. Has become what nature intended.
