Escalating coffee shop acquaintance

[nsi911]

There is a girl whom myself and a couple other friends always sit and have espresso with in the morning before work.

We usually have a 30-40min chat of all manner of subjects and usually non-serious.

She is pretty intellectual and even refers to herself as a nerd and is somewhat from what we know of her but very social with us on the other hand.

On Saturday, I invited her over to a casual pizza cookout I did at my house along with a few other friends. She didn't hesistate and came even without knowing the other people.

If I had to guess I would say there is definitely some IL but she is also a pretty guarded individual and I think she has had many suitors before because she talks about expensive gifts she received from "friends".
But she is not of the expensive taste type from my observations.

I've been able to keep my desire under the covers. However I am wondering what could be a next step ?
Don't want to stagnate and end up in friendzone either.

 

[TheCWord]

I've been able to keep my desire under the covers...



Don't want to stagnate and end up in friendzone either.

Keeping your desire under the covers is exactly how you get in the friendzone, if you're not already.

I would have made a move at your pizza thing. Isolate her somewhere in your place or have her stick around after everybody left.

But since we can't change the past, you should ask her out one on one ASAP. Phrasing will have to be deliberate here because if you ask her out for a drink and your entire social dynamic is hanging out with groups (morning coffee and pizza parties) she could think you're inviting her out to another group hangout.

Because she's already been over to your place you could invite her to come by for a movie and wine or whatever, or just pick a pub nearby your place to take her back to afterwards. Just don't keep anything "under the covers." You are unabashedly asking her out on a date, you cannot afford to make it sound like anything other than a date.

 

[nsi911]

so call her and ask her out for lunch some something like that ?

 

[VladPatton]

Don't want to stagnate and end up in friendzone either.

Sorry, bud, you're already there. Just by inviting her to your party as a "friend" put you there. You did it to yourself. You should of asked her out within a week of meeting her right off the bat.

If you try to do it now, she'll get weirded out by you.

 

[FairShake]

When in doubt, ask her out.

You have absolutely nothing to lose but your curiosity.

As a rule you should escalate to asking her out within the first 2 or 3 times seeing her though. Unless she is a club/bar broad then it's within the first 15 minutes!

 

[TheCWord]

Sorry, bud, you're already there. Just by inviting her to your party as a "friend" put you there. You did it to yourself. You should of asked her out within a week of meeting her right off the bat.

If you try to do it now, she'll get weirded out by you.

To be fair, I'm sure there have been times in history where a girl has been hanging out with a guy as a friend but hoping he'd make a move. In fact, it's probably not all that uncommon.

Your job, OP, is to asses the situation for any signs of interest. Does she try to initiate physical contact? Does she laugh at your jokes like you're the funniest guy in the world? If she's interested in you, you won't have to look too hard. As the man I'm quoting in this post likes to say, they'll use flare lights and orange cones etc.

If she's not obviously into you don't start trying to convince yourself that she is, just move on to the next one and keep her as a friend. Maybe she has hot friends.

 

[nsi911]

She does laugh it off a lot when we speak,
But she has never been a physical touch type.

 

[VladPatton]

To be fair, I'm sure there have been times in history where a girl has been hanging out with a guy as a friend but hoping he'd make a move. In fact, it's probably not all that uncommon.

Your job, OP, is to asses the situation for any signs of interest. Does she try to initiate physical contact? Does she laugh at your jokes like you're the funniest guy in the world? If she's interested in you, you won't have to look too hard. As the man I'm quoting in this post likes to say, they'll use flare lights and orange cones etc.

If she's not obviously into you don't start trying to convince yourself that she is, just move on to the next one and keep her as a friend. Maybe she has hot friends.

That is very true, CWord, but if too much time goes by, it's a stale mate when no one makes a move. Everything fizzles out and she starts talking about some cute guy she met and is looking for advice from you on how to get him. We've all been there. There is a window of opportunity that closes.

nsi911, if it is eating at you, just drop the hammer and ask her out..at least you'll get it over with and you'll know on the spot.