Don't ask her questions - it's a pickup, not an interview.

[MetalFortress]

You're out on the town, and you can't figure out why you're having a hard time getting numbers or getting chicks falling all over you. You approach them. You dance with them. You do all the right things. Yet, still, you have no success. What is your problem?

You're asking too many questions! While you are busy trying to interview her, you are missing out on the chance to just have fun and BS with her. Almost ANYTHING is better than interviewing her. Compliment her, neg-hit her, BS her, use c+f on her, ANYTHING but constant questioning. She's not a freakin' Scott Peterson witness.

When you were a little kid, did you ask questions to a girl you wanted to play with? NO, you played with her! Tap into your inner child! Get yourself into a state in which you can have fun with a girl without being an interviewer.

In fact, I'll even venture to say that in most cases, you should never ask questions beyond finding out her name or saying "what's your number?". If she starts asking you a lot of questions, then she is interested enough in you personally that you can ask her some too and it will actually go over well, but if you are a boring interviewer, you will not only bore her to death, you will creep her out, too. Keep questions to a minimum, asking one ONLY when necessary.

There's a million different things you can do besides asking questions. Above all, have fun with her. Have a blast! Just don't make it seem like she's interviewing for a position at the local Wal-Mart.

 

[Spur212]

Dude, You are absolutely right. Asking too much questions comes off as needy and insecure. However you should be asking questions that have a purpose to them or that give you information so that you can decide if this is a girl that you want to be around you and if she's not, you just say that it was nice meeting you and you move on. Also, if your asking questions you should be saying it in a way where you don't really care but your asking to get information into whats going on and not sounding like you need her approval.


Why are you getting her number? You should be giving it out.


Last point is that you should be the fun, which encompasses you having fun and her wanting to be around you because you are fun and if you are feeling inhibited or nervous, that's a good sign that you're not fun and the only thing I'm going to say about that is that you have to stop being so serious about what's going on and start enjoying your self because this is what this is really all about.

Great Post!

 

[senator]

Somewhat disagree. You gotta ask questions to qualify her, and she needs to know this. If she sees that you have the balls to approach her, she most likely will have some respect for you. Remember, SHE has to measure up to YOU. Now, that being said, these "questions" cannot sound serious, business-like or creepy.

YOU are in control!!! YOU direct the convo. YOu lead as to what YOU want to find out about her, but again in a confident and non-creepy way. When she asks you things in return be playful, vague or even elusive, just to get a rise and a few giggles out of her.

No questions? Well, you may wind up shuffling your feet and looking somewhat awkward when you try to grasp things in your mind to talk about when you finally talk to her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Somewhat disagree. You gotta ask questions to qualify her, and she needs to know this. If she sees that you have the balls to approach her, she most likely will have some respect for you. Remember, SHE has to measure up to YOU. Now, that being said, these "questions" cannot sound serious, business-like or creepy.

:yes:
Now, I wonder how these guys have been going about soliciting information from women. Something tells me that it was more like an interview instead of a conversation.

 

[Spur212]

:yes:
Now, I wonder how these guys have been going about soliciting information from women. Something tells me that it was more like an interview instead of a conversation.

You've got to stop having a goal as to how this is going to end up. This should be a relaxing process, not an interview. Also the fact is that if you are asking her questions so that you are not the being the seller of yourself, you are making her do the selling which is what should be happening.

By the way interviewing isn't a terrible thing if you explain to her that you want to ask her a few questions, because you are doing a survey for yourself and you set the frame correctly in the first place. But they have to be good questions.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

..By the way interviewing isn't a terrible thing if you explain to her that you want to ask her a few questions, because you are doing a survey for yourself and you set the frame correctly in the first place. But they have to be good questions.

Perhaps, but that seems like a round about, hella lot of work to do just to find out about a woman. Kinda sounds like something women would do.

 

[Create Reality]

Great post MetalFortress

 

[Spur212]

Perhaps, but that seems like a round about, hella lot of work to do just to find out about a woman. Kinda sounds like something women would do.

That's 100% true. What I meant was, interviewing her to find out about women in general, not trying to pick her up and that's only if you want to do that sort of thing.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

This is so true. People on sosuave would keep saying ask questions ask questions, and mystery method says you do the talking. When i was at a club the other night i realised this more then ever. The guys getting the most attention from girls are nto the ones asking questions but the ones joking around. After 6 shots of vodka i became 1 of thoses guys seriously thou i was just not in the mood so when i was sober i was just not having a good time that night.

 

[Fender]

Nice post Metalfortress. I agree with your point of not making the date seem like an interview- it would SUCK for both of you.

However, questions can be fun too and can really add depth to a conversation. It really depends on the girl and the situation. Some of us here at sosuave are looking for a "magic pill" for interactions. Hard fast rules don't generally work in social interactions (apart from obvious ones such as "don't stab the other person," etc.) since there is so much space for variety and change. Everyone is different after all

Generally, you should make more statements when talking with shy girls and ask more questions when chattin' with a more outgoing girl. Ultimately, you'll need to get a feel for all this so you won't have to think about these trivial things. Juggler calls it being "calibrated." I call it good social skills.

Experiment with it- you'll find something that'll work for you eventually.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

yeah like fender said, experiment, and you will know when you are doing things right because you will have the girls undivided attention.

 

[MetalFortress]

Oh, don't get me wrong, questions do have their time and place - but to get yourself un-addicted to using them all the time you might have to take some extreme measures first. Once you do that, you'll more easily be able to sprinkle them in as needed.