Do any of you MATURE men ever feel like this?

[jophil28]

The "dating game" is a war...and the only way I get out of it and go home with my head held high is by fighting that war until I win.

Indeed, that is what it has become in the past twenty years or so - a mistrusting, hostile encounter between two people who approach with unrealistic expectations and an entitlement attitude.
Women have changed . I have seen their mindset shift from contributor to entitled consumer.

However it is still a funfilled and enlightening game.

 

[trent81]

Tictac is an armor plated mother fuvker..............This guy is top notch. If I met him, I would do lines with him and arrange three strippers for him to be taken care of in a heart beat. Fuvkin guy is Conan the Barbarian.

 

[Colossus]

Trent,

Mature? I don't know. But I am 58, have been through a long-term marriage (24 years - kids, mortgage "the full catastrophe") that cratered and have started over (a few times).

Like you, when I was younger, I was an 'accidental master' with women with no clue as to why. Met the woman of my dreams when I was about 30, married at 33 and did all the stuff everyone else did.

I made the BIG MISTAKE of settling down. Translated, that became 'losing frame'. And that cost me nearly everything.

When I started dating again, finding lots of women to mack was (again) too easy. And I don't mean lowlifes, bar trash or other versions of needy, low self-esteem women. I spun plates well enough to get a TV gig if I wanted, was the envy of all my guy friends (especially the married ones) and could get laid on short-to-no notice. And with women that looked and were the part of the real deal. those that failed the tests, were nexted witout mercy. and it worked both ways. I got nexted a time or two myself. I'm ready to judge and be judged at every moment.

The big question for me came up quickly, loudly nad persistently "So What?"

You've got the right idea. 'Calming down' and 'settling down' are two completely different things. Do the former. Never (on your life) do the latter.

By now, you should have something like the frame you'd like to live in. NEVER give that up for anyone, anytime anywhere! Work to keep and even grow your frame. To wit: know where you want to go, then figure out who you'd like to go with you. Do this in that order and your chances will be better.

I say 'chances' because nothing is certain in this world, especially when other peope are involved. I learned this the way hard way. And its inescapable.

You can find a few, two or one woman. With one (well outside Utah anyway) you can live, marry, have kids -the whole thing. You can do this if you know what you want (not in every detail but at least at the 'who you are & want to be' level. Just keep and manage your frame. Be ready to walk (from anyone) if things violate your core principles.

I have three kids, the first born when I was 41. That's been fantastic and I literally would not trade a minute of it. Being older with young kids has its issues. But it has its strengths too.

I've found a couple of women that meet my very high standards and will let things run a course getting back to one. (I think I know how this will go. But if I learned anything over the past 2 years, nothin's certain.)

Bottom line - women are easy, woman is hard. But just maybe, woman is worth it. Take your time, choose wisely. Its a large bet. Do your best to control what you can. Because the rest is a wild ride.

Tictac

Zen. This is the advice fathers should give to their sons.

 

[Jamo]

If you're asking yourself, "hmm, when should a guy really mellow out and settle down?" the answer is always 'not now.' The first part of settle down is "settle", and if your head is in a state of thinking you'd better look for something that sorta works then you're screwed.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you've reached some magical age where you'd better be with someone before it's too late. That's the Myth of the Lonely Old Man. Monogamy should always be a last resort; something so unavoidable with a particular girl who's a good fit that it's a byproduct of your connection. If you're looking to become monogamous you're doing it wrong.

Women should only ever be a compliment to a Man's life, NEVER the focus of it.

I think the above explains the reason why I was having a miserable time in the past. Deciding to settle down/look for a "serious" girlfriend (that means you have some preconditioned image of what that woman would be in your mind) and then looking for someone who you think fits the profile, is a recipe for disaster not only because you feel you must act in a certain way (preconditioning the image of perfection? AFC?), but because no one ever really fits what you have in mind (no one is perfect -including oneself). You will always be disappointed. Yep I speak from many a battle scar.

I think Rollo points it out very well at which point man could settle down - when a woman (amongst the many during YOUR path in life) turns out to be such a great fit, that the commitment comes as by-product of that sentiment/feeling/attachment/whatever you want to call it.

I do not know where you meet most of the women you have had a fling with, but possibly looking for women in venues you do not typically frequent will expose you to women with other interests. That may give you better perspective.