Hello All,
I grew up with no family and my friends were my family. We were punks i.e sold weed , stole, etc and around 23-25, most had moved on and I settled down remaining in contact with 1-2.
These guys were my family and I sense resistance to re-connecting. We are in our early 40's. They do not associate with each other so I am not ostracized.
I miss the social support I had from them. I never found other buddies who I connected with like these.
I wonder if I am socially awkward trying to reconnect or is it something I should let go. It will not be the same. We can never go home again. There are 1-2 who I invested a great deal in , i.e helped in fights , got out of jail, etc who refuse to return a call or email. This bothers me. They helped me out as well.
What should a solid man do? Should I build new friendships and accept they will never be the same as my early ones? I always wanted to stay in the same town , marry a local girl and maintain contact with my childhood friends. I am fighting the fact this is not how my life is. Some of these guys have gone to jail and are ex potheads not doing that well. I got by masters and am doing okay. Maybe this is natures way of telling me to move on. That I could not prosper in that environment. Remember Mickey in the Rocky movie "nature is smarter than we are"
I always equated a portion of a man's success by how many lifelong friends he has had. I do not know if this is correct or not. I could find guys who have similar interests to mine and connect with them.
I went through a bit of an isolated period for the past 6 months (working remotely) with no interaction and a stressful real estate purchase that caused me to really think about my life. I am married with a baby but still could squeeze a few hours occasionally.
My theory (and you can provide feedback) is this: most guys hang with whoever is convenient and they reasonably get along. When it's not convenient, they move on and spend time alone or find other people. My mistake was seeing these guys as a surrogate family when all we did is hang together. I should realize friends can never be a surrogate family and they are just that; friends who you can share time with. That is all.
The other angle is we were all a bit dysfunctional and had issues. Many were not able to go on and become normal guys. Therefore, we could not all grow in approximately the same direction. I suspect at least (1) has a personality disorder and they hate everyone from their past. There were a few others in the group who did not care for me. That is normal. I remember one kid did not like me. I as close to his brother and he saw us as a bit rougher than he liked. They had a party and he was laying in bed with some broad that showed up there and I walked by. She said something and I laid down next to them and started feeling her up as they were making out. She was all excited about screwing 2 guys said she had to go to the bathroom and he kicked me out of the bed. It was his house so I was not upset. They were not dating or anything. She came with some other girls. They later got married and I was the only guy not invited to the wedding. That bothered me but it was the only real problem I ever had with friends. from this group. It was the first time I realized this group of friends was not cohesive.
Not having a family did leave me a bit confused on issues such as this.
Maybe a need a different view on how to look at male friends. This has left me real self conscious to the point I am wondering if I have autism and am socially inept. I do not think so as I have great people at work who I get along with and they call me etc. They are older and are work friends.
I think not having a few long term buddies has left me a bit vulnerable. I expect nothing from them really.
I grew up with no family and my friends were my family. We were punks i.e sold weed , stole, etc and around 23-25, most had moved on and I settled down remaining in contact with 1-2.
These guys were my family and I sense resistance to re-connecting. We are in our early 40's. They do not associate with each other so I am not ostracized.
I miss the social support I had from them. I never found other buddies who I connected with like these.
I wonder if I am socially awkward trying to reconnect or is it something I should let go. It will not be the same. We can never go home again. There are 1-2 who I invested a great deal in , i.e helped in fights , got out of jail, etc who refuse to return a call or email. This bothers me. They helped me out as well.
What should a solid man do? Should I build new friendships and accept they will never be the same as my early ones? I always wanted to stay in the same town , marry a local girl and maintain contact with my childhood friends. I am fighting the fact this is not how my life is. Some of these guys have gone to jail and are ex potheads not doing that well. I got by masters and am doing okay. Maybe this is natures way of telling me to move on. That I could not prosper in that environment. Remember Mickey in the Rocky movie "nature is smarter than we are"
I always equated a portion of a man's success by how many lifelong friends he has had. I do not know if this is correct or not. I could find guys who have similar interests to mine and connect with them.
I went through a bit of an isolated period for the past 6 months (working remotely) with no interaction and a stressful real estate purchase that caused me to really think about my life. I am married with a baby but still could squeeze a few hours occasionally.
My theory (and you can provide feedback) is this: most guys hang with whoever is convenient and they reasonably get along. When it's not convenient, they move on and spend time alone or find other people. My mistake was seeing these guys as a surrogate family when all we did is hang together. I should realize friends can never be a surrogate family and they are just that; friends who you can share time with. That is all.
The other angle is we were all a bit dysfunctional and had issues. Many were not able to go on and become normal guys. Therefore, we could not all grow in approximately the same direction. I suspect at least (1) has a personality disorder and they hate everyone from their past. There were a few others in the group who did not care for me. That is normal. I remember one kid did not like me. I as close to his brother and he saw us as a bit rougher than he liked. They had a party and he was laying in bed with some broad that showed up there and I walked by. She said something and I laid down next to them and started feeling her up as they were making out. She was all excited about screwing 2 guys said she had to go to the bathroom and he kicked me out of the bed. It was his house so I was not upset. They were not dating or anything. She came with some other girls. They later got married and I was the only guy not invited to the wedding. That bothered me but it was the only real problem I ever had with friends. from this group. It was the first time I realized this group of friends was not cohesive.
Not having a family did leave me a bit confused on issues such as this.
Maybe a need a different view on how to look at male friends. This has left me real self conscious to the point I am wondering if I have autism and am socially inept. I do not think so as I have great people at work who I get along with and they call me etc. They are older and are work friends.
I think not having a few long term buddies has left me a bit vulnerable. I expect nothing from them really.
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