Did I Screw Up?

[AbsolutBeirut]

Haven't posted in here for awhile. When I first joined here 5 years ago I was a total chode but have made great strides in my game. Have gone out and laid many chicks but never got involved always me ending things first. Now I got myself into a situation making me feel like chode again.

This girl I met 4 weeks ago at a club and we started by me grinding against her. Got to isolate and obtain approval from her friends but ended the night with just a #. I did attempt to kiss several times but she's a prude and wouldn't let me have it. Though we did talk about seeing each others again and it was her that sent me the first txt that it was great meeting me.

A week later we meet up but it was Sunday and I took her to a lounge and a club and danced to some weird latin music. She had a great time and we ended back at her place but didn't want to do anything due to work the next day. I did get many kisses at least this time.

A week later we meet again and we go watch a movie. Afterwards she didnt want to go drinking but was okay for a lil walk in the neighborhood. The next day she was busy too. I must note that this girl has just moved to the city and had to make a lot of accommodations. She is also very close to her family and she has got lots so she always has plans with them.

Throughout the next week, I keep making plans to try to meet up with no success due to commitments. However she was free to go out Friday but was shy due to not having enough cash as she is just getting started finding a job and making cash in this city. I offered that it was on me and it also happened to be her birthday. Took her to a fancy restaurant and gave her a gift which was a cookbook based on a lil joke we had together about her learning how to cook. Had a great time and afterwards hit a club that was dead ending the night at my place for a bit. Had a bottle of wine and cuddled for a bit but no sex. Again she had commitments early the next day.

I hadn't though much of it at this point and hoping to make plans to see her again this week since in the weekend we were both going to be away to family for Easter. I text her with the idea to go supermarket shopping and cook up something at her place. Again she is busy and did not suggest a time she was free.

Starting to fear that I am getting too clingy here. Throughout it is only me making the calls and starting to feel that I do not even matter.

This is driving me nuts as lately it has been me worrying about girls getting clingy which is why I had ended relationships I have had before her. Because she hard to get and probably the first girl I hadn't laid after so many dates (I usually score on the first date).

What do you guys make of this? I am afraid to believe that she isnt into me and would rather believe that she is really busy.

At the same time, still going out and trying to pick up other girls but always coming home dry due to not meeting any exciting prospects out. Funnily when I first met her, there was another girl I met one week earlier but things ended horribly but I do not care. This girl I do care, I don't know if it is because she is pulling my strings.

I know the logical thing to do is forget about her and move on and stop being too available. Its really tearing me apart and getting me back to bad habits like smoking and holding me back from productive things I do in my life. Help!!!

 

[Igetit!]

This girl I met 4 weeks ago at a club and we started by me grinding against her. Got to isolate and obtain approval from her friends but ended the night with just a #. I did attempt to kiss several times but she's a prude and wouldn't let me have it. Though we did talk about seeing each others again and it was her that sent me the first txt that it was great meeting me.

A week later we meet up but it was Sunday and I took her to a lounge and a club and danced to some weird latin music. She had a great time and we ended back at her place but didn't want to do anything due to work the next day. I did get many kisses at least this time.

A week later we meet again and we go watch a movie.

So let me see if I got this straight....


You met this girl at a club,got her contact info,then the first date you two had was a week later,then the second date was a week after that.


You said that she was the first one to text you.


Ok,a couple of questions here....

1)You two go a full week between dates. Is there any contact between you two during that week? If so,then what did you two talk about?

(Please answer that question accurately)

Also,when she contacted you with that first text,what did she say? What EXACTLY did she say? And how did you respond?

Throughout the next week, I keep making plans to try to meet up with no success due to commitments.

So each time you tried to make plans with her,what did she say? What excuse did she give? And did she suggest another time?

However she was free to go out Friday but was shy due to not having enough cash as she is just getting started finding a job and making cash in this city. I offered that it was on me and it also happened to be her birthday. Took her to a fancy restaurant and gave her a gift

Hmm. I know you meant well,but giving her a gift for her birthday may have been a bit too much too soon.

I mean you're giving a girl who's NOT your girlfriend gifts.


If there were already an established relationship,this would be ok,but a chick who keeps flaking on you? No,I think it was a bit much.


The scales are tipped in her favor. You're more invested in her than she is in you.

I hadn't though much of it at this point and hoping to make plans to see her again this week since in the weekend we were both going to be away to family for Easter. I text her with the idea to go supermarket shopping and cook up something at her place. Again she is busy and did not suggest a time she was free.

Starting to fear that I am getting too clingy here. Throughout it is only me making the calls and starting to feel that I do not even matter.

Well your concern is legit. Usually when I see a case of a girl repeatedly flaking,I suggest the info contained in my signature,but for some reason,I don't think it'd work here.


It works on cases of low interest,but honestly dude,I sense NO INTEREST at all from her.



It almost seems as if she's just sitting back and letting you run yourself ragged trying to see her.

What do you guys make of this? I am afraid to believe that she isnt into me and would rather believe that she is really busy.

Why are you "afraid" to believe that she's not interested in you?

There's 100 million women out there. If one's not interested,there's still 99,999,999 others to chose from.


Who do you think you are? Surely you're not foolish enough to think that all 100 million are going to like and be interested in you,do you? LOL. :crackup:

Its really tearing me apart and getting me back to bad habits like smoking and holding me back from productive things I do in my life. Help!!!

Huh? What do you mean by this?

Tearing you apart?
Causing you to fall into bad habits?


You mean you're going through ALL THAT because of this one girl?


I mean if she were your wife,or someone you had been dating for a year or two,then ok,I get it,but come on 3 dates???


Three dates? Three dates with a chick who seems to be losing interest is "tearing you apart"?



That's crazy man.


You might not believe this,but you meeting this girl and going through this is a GOOD thing.


This situation has uncovered a weakness in you that needs to be adressed.


You need to fix this.


This interaction with this girl isn't the problem.
This interaction with her exposed the problem that you ALREADY had.



There's NO WAY some chick you've had 3 dates with,and have known all of ONE MONTH,should be "tearing you apart".


I say to straighten yourself out.



As far as this girl goes,she just plain doesn't seem interested.


I mean you can call her again and try to set up another date if you want,but she'll probably just flake again.

 

[Kailex]

I normally don't come into any thread that Igetit! has already handed out his awesome advice in... because well, I'm of a similar mind to his. But, I'll do it this time... to add some perspective and a second opinion to this situation.

Haven't posted in here for awhile. When I first joined here 5 years ago I was a total chode but have made great strides in my game. Have gone out and laid many chicks but never got involved always me ending things first. Now I got myself into a situation making me feel like chode again.

This girl I met 4 weeks ago at a club and we started by me grinding against her. Got to isolate and obtain approval from her friends but ended the night with just a #. I did attempt to kiss several times but she's a prude and wouldn't let me have it. Though we did talk about seeing each others again and it was her that sent me the first txt that it was great meeting me.

At least you escalated physically as much as you could. But how many times is several times? 2 times? 5 times? 7 times?

Her first text was just a fluffer text. Is it nice that she texted you... yes. Does it mean that you are the only thing going on in her life... no. In an ideal world, a woman would call you to let you know she had a good time. This isn't an ideal world, obviously.

A week later we meet up but it was Sunday and I took her to a lounge and a club and danced to some weird latin music. She had a great time and we ended back at her place but didn't want to do anything due to work the next day. I did get many kisses at least this time.

I feel insulted about the weird latin music. LOL

This is where everything gets fishy. You got many kisses... good. But did she actually say that she didn't want to do anything because she had work the next day???

Like, did she VERBALLY say: I can't, I have to work?

There's a reason I ask this and it's quite important.

(BTW, sorry if from here on out I ask anything Igetit! already asked.)

A week later we meet again and we go watch a movie. Afterwards she didnt want to go drinking but was okay for a lil walk in the neighborhood. The next day she was busy too. I must note that this girl has just moved to the city and had to make a lot of accommodations. She is also very close to her family and she has got lots so she always has plans with them.

She's Hispanic, isn't she?
That's just a personal question based on clues.

Throughout the next week, I keep making plans to try to meet up with no success due to commitments. However she was free to go out Friday but was shy due to not having enough cash as she is just getting started finding a job and making cash in this city.

Did she get fired? Or had she started a new job a few weeks ago? Could have sworn you said she couldn't do anything because she had to work the next day? Maybe it's part-time? I'm just trying to make sense of this all.

And a woman that TRULY wants to see you, won't keep postponing due to commitments and will AT LEAST counter-offer.

I offered that it was on me and it also happened to be her birthday. Took her to a fancy restaurant and gave her a gift which was a cookbook based on a lil joke we had together about her learning how to cook. Had a great time and afterwards hit a club that was dead ending the night at my place for a bit. Had a bottle of wine and cuddled for a bit but no sex. Again she had commitments early the next day.

Screw this. This chick has too much going on in her life for you. Don't you see that? You have a bottle of win and cuddled??? She didn't put out even at your place?

And did she VERBALLY say again that she had commitments?

Nah man, this isn't right. It was her birthday, isn't she supposed to get banged that day?

And she spent her birthday with YOU, not anyone else... this is SO weird for me. To be honest.

I hadn't though much of it at this point and hoping to make plans to see her again this week since in the weekend we were both going to be away to family for Easter. I text her with the idea to go supermarket shopping and cook up something at her place. Again she is busy and did not suggest a time she was free.

Screw this. I'm frustrated just reading this.
Forget her. Move on. You're the guy she goes out with when she has nothing else to do or no one else to see... you're basically her filler time.

STOP being her filler time. Start being busy enough to NOT see her. Hell, I bet you could go 2 weeks NC and she wouldn't even call back.

Would she text? Probably.

But only because women are LAZY.

Starting to fear that I am getting too clingy here. Throughout it is only me making the calls and starting to feel that I do not even matter.

I wonder how you are asking her to go out?
When she says NO the first time, do you ask her again for another day, immediately?

This is driving me nuts as lately it has been me worrying about girls getting clingy which is why I had ended relationships I have had before her. Because she hard to get and probably the first girl I hadn't laid after so many dates (I usually score on the first date).

This alone should be an indicator for you. And guess what... I don't think it's going to happen either. UNLESS she has some deep reason NOT to. But then again, this is a chick you met at a club and grinded with. That alone is suggestive.

What do you guys make of this? I am afraid to believe that she isnt into me and would rather believe that she is really busy.

I'm afraid you are believing incorrectly. You can't say that 100% of the female population you are going to take out will always be into you. It's a mathematical impossibility... an absolute. I'd rather believe that you are Mr. Filler for her.

At the same time, still going out and trying to pick up other girls but always coming home dry due to not meeting any exciting prospects out. Funnily when I first met her, there was another girl I met one week earlier but things ended horribly but I do not care. This girl I do care, I don't know if it is because she is pulling my strings.

She IS pulling your strings.
You're just a puppet right now.

Don't be a puppet. Forget this girl. Get other options. I know it's tough... but tough it out.

I think part of the problem is that you DON'T have other options... if not, you wouldn't be so hung up on this girl.
I know the logical thing to do is forget about her and move on and stop being too available. Its really tearing me apart and getting me back to bad habits like smoking and holding me back from productive things I do in my life. Help!!![/QUOTE]

 

[AbsolutBeirut]

Such great minds we have here in this forum!! I couldn't thank u guys enough for your thoughful analysis. Not too sound gay but I actually feel better...

So I actually printed out the thread to make sure I answer all the questions...

In summary, I've seen the girl 4 times including our first meeting at the club. To make it easier for you guys, here is the timeline:

Week 1: We meet at the club and exchange numbers.

Same night she texts me this:

"It had a great time with you tonight, look forward to making plans soon"

I respond with:

"Same here, have a safe drive back home"

Week 2: She is moving to the city and I am not sure what day it is so text her to find out if she has moved in yet. Along with the text suggest that I call her up later to get a more concrete idea of what her schedule is like for us to meet up. Because she was moving furniture back n forth from her old place to her new place, it wasn't until Sunday that she was free. That's our 1st date where I take her out dancing (For the record Kailex, I am not saying 'latin' music is weird, it was 'weird' music that happened to be in latin) and hang out shortly at her place afterwards. We started making out passionately and then she backed off at a high note suggesting I had to leave.

Week 3: Was preoccupied with girl #2 I had at the time that was away on vacation for the past 2 weeks and just come back. She came back weird and I couldn't take it and we got into a bitter fight. The fool in me decides to txt this girl just to get my ego back and do not get any response. Luckily my friends were out and a night of drinking and sarging brought me back to my old self. The next day I receive an apology that she didnt see my text and we make plans for Friday. Friday we go out to watch a movie and she didn't want to do anything afterwards. The next day was her birthday and she had to go back to her hometown ironically to work for a bar she hadn't quit yet. We both slept at our own homes and in the morning I suggested brunch if she still had time before she left, no dice.

Week 4: The chode in me starts coming out here. I suggest going to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate her birthday. She is too busy and cant and I also bring up that I got her a little gift. I try to contact her 2 days later on the phone. We talk and agree on plans for Friday. Friday we go out to dinner and end the night at my place. Again she cuts it at a high note and wants me to drive her home. Many attempts I would try to stay in the position but after 7 times its enough.

Week 5: here trying to set up a date where we go supermarket shopping and go home to bake up a cake. Yesterday (Tuesday) I send a text regarding the idea (It had been since Friday that I last contacted her). No response so I try to call her up. Get the VoiceMail and tell her the idea. Not even 5 minutes later she replies that she is busy tomorrow and cant. No suggestions for doing it another time. Her tone changed from before week 5, she used to call me hun and promise that she is not blowing me off. This time just straight out. I try to test the waters by asking how her new job went. She applied for another job as what she already does doesn't pay enough. She gives a short reply and I suggest calling her up later. Get this, she is so busy that she doesn't have time to even speak on the phone. This really drew the ire in me.


Honestly I am dumbfounded with this one. I talked to several friends about this and agreed that it's best that I do not get the urge to try to call her for at least another week. This weekend I am gone anyways to visit family out of town. Its just the temptation to make plans to see her on Thursday that I am avoiding. If she contacts me, it's just a surprise but my mind is more set on the alternate possibility. Heck, I am going to go out with my buds the next few nights, screw that ho!!!

 

[Lord Sidious]

Dude,

I didn´t even read all of your thread. I stoped when I read "...we ended back at her place but didn't want to do anything due to work the next day."

When a gal is really interested she´ll do everything to be with you and to have sex with you (in this case). Plus, what type of a gal takes you to her place and then gives you that BS "No! I´ve to work tomorrow!"?!?!?!?

She disrespected you as a MAN and you let her do that. Next her quickly, bro! If, eventually, one day things change and you can bang her, just fvck her hard and treat her like the ***** she was to you.