Did I screw up or am I just looking into things too much

[Tooanxious]

So me, 31, has been seeing a girl a year younger than me for a month or so. I played it cop at first, didn't try to text every day, have been confident, and have given this girl space. Last time I saw her, a little over a week ago, she was all about seeing me. We talked about going out when I got home from a trip last week, a BBQ this coming weekend, and letting out dogs meet. Things were good.

I went out of town, drank a bunch, and foolishly texted a little too much. I told her that I thought she was awesome and she reciprocated. I realized that these were probably mistakes #1-3. I left her alone the last day of my trip. It is typical that we go a day or so without communicating. Usually when we text it is me making plans with her for a date. We were supposed to go out when I got home but she said **** hit the fan at work and she likely wouldn't have time. I just said to let me know if anything changed and left it at that.

Now she is out of town. I never asked when she was coming back and she didn't tell me. I didn't want it to seem like I was needy or interrogating her. Texted her the day she left to have a good time and to let me when she she got home and we'd make plans if I was free. That is probably mistake #4. Giving her control there. She said that she would hit me up about going out when she got home and a few other un-important things other than promising to not forget my birthday (she is kind of forgetful).

She has, understandably, not been communicating much while she's on vacation. Her previous MO has been to text readily when she is not busy and when she is his with work or with friends I don't hear from her for a few hours. I did text her yesterday to see how her trip was going and she got back to me a while later and told me it was great and asked how my weekend was. Not a bad sign there. I didn't barrage her with texts and stopped when she stopped replying although my last text of the night goes unanswered.

I am troubled by the fact they I don't know when she's home. As far as I know she's still coming over for the cookout but nothing else set in stone (and I'm not sure if that is either at this point). She said that she promised not to forget my bornday, which is this week, and I had previously told her that we should go out that day.

Should I just leave the ball in her court and see if she hits me up when she gets home or should I text her and tell her that I am free on xxxx day this week and that we should go out?

I am leaning towards playing it cool and letting her hit me up about a date as discussed and attributing the lack of a date last week/spotty communication to he being busy.

On the other side, stupid me drunk texting and not telling her a date this week is making her lose interest and I may want to bypass the agreement to talk about a date when she is back, whenever that is.

 

[cordoncordon]

First of all, what you did was not THAT bad. I am consistently amazed by some people who think that a few texts or a call can totally change how a person feels about you. Put it this way, if George Clooney was the one drunk texting this girl while on vacation...do you think she would lose interest because of it? No. IF a girl is really really into you, unless you go totally stalker psycho on her, you will be fine. Drunk texting her like you did, while not ideal, should not be enough to change how she feels about you UNLESS she was never that into you to start with. When I met my wife, we texted quite a bit the first month or so. No one thought anything of it because it was totally natural and felt right. So if she is going distant because of a few drunk texts? Again, she is probably not that into you.

Secondly, obviously you are fixated on her. You are putting all of your eggs into this one basket, hence your oneitis for her. Hence your over analyzing and obsession with what she is thinking and doing about you. Don't do this.

You need to do a couple of things to get the frame back in your favor. First, start dating other women. Or at least talking to other women. Do this so that if one girl flakes or is late texting/calling/for a date, you don't panic. You have other fish in the sea you can date instead. Second, stop texting her. Respond to her texts only. When she does text or call, don't ask about the bbcue or going out with her at all. Be good spirited and happy when you do speak with her, but keep the convo's short and sweet. Tell her you have been really busy hanging out with friends and doing all kinds of things. Make her ASK you when you are hanging out again. Once you start to get her into that sort of frame of mind, then maybe you can turn this around. But as I said, if she is already losing interest over a few texts, she probably never really liked you a ton to start with.

Good luck.

 

[jonhaul]

Yeah just talk to other gals you don't even have to go out on dates with them that way if this one flops you wont care because you are a man with options and women are into you because you are the man! Dude I have had gals flake on me lately and one came back. I didn't tell her to go pound sand because she was sincere enough I left her alone and allowed her to come back. However I let her know I don't appreciate being disrespected like that. She had an emotional depression ex deal the tard send her an email and it screwed her up. So yeah you just never know with women. I even have gals that hit me up who live far away because of some strange reason they're interested in a guy like me. So yes until this chick gives you everything you want from her don't worry. Its good to have options you are desired and wanted. So when one screws up you can go oh whatever no big deal plenty of single, horny, lonely, and hot chicks out there for you who MIGHT be worth your time. lol.... good luck bro don't over think their **** whether they lie or what it shouldn't matter.

 

[Tooanxious]

I didn't day anything terrible in drunk texting. You are right though. It's stupid to think that drunk texting while I was on a trip would send her off unless she was already losing interest, which I didn't see any remote sign of prior. So, I am likely way over analyzing things.

I do have the itus. No denying that. I was taking another girl out when I met this one but I stopped seeing her. When I started feeling odd about this one a few days back I did fire up my old online dating account and shoot off a few messages.

I'll leave it up to her to contact me at this point. That makes the most sense. In the meantime I'll keep trying to secure dates with other women.

 

[Tooanxious]

Well, I left her alone and got a message from her this morning. It basically said that she's shure I've notice her not being responsive and "I'm kind of taking a step back right now". She also offered to grab a drink to talk and said she was letting me know because she hates when people disappear out of the blue and she's trying to be decent because I'm a good guy.

Not really sure if she needs space for awhile, too busy to date right now but might want to see me at some point, or what. I haven't replied yet.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well as I said, her interest level is not where yours is. If you were George Clooney, I can promise you she would not be "taking a step back". For whatever reason, she is just not that into you. Don't take it personally, it happens to all of us. As for her text, she is just doing that to make herself feel better about not dating you. She isn't doing it for your sake.

I would just text back this. "No worries. And no reason to get a drink to explain things. Not a big deal. Let me know if you ever want to hang out in the future. Take care".

And leave it at that. That will bow her mind that you are willing to abandon her so easily. She won't know what hit her. It's the total opposite of what 99.999999% of guys do when they get dumped.