Okay so me a this girl who I've been talking to for a while now FINALLY went to the movies last night. Me and her were flirting with each other the whole time. Then I noticed she was staring into my eyes. She gave me the signals that she wanted to be kissed and then we started kissing, that then turned to making out. Then I started kissing her neck (but only for a few seconds, I didn't want to move too fast) I did it cuz it felt right at the moment. Then I gave her a kiss goodbye after the movie. I was so excited about it. So then I told my older brothers about it. They told me that it was a big mistake and that I disrespected her by kissing her on the first date. I then kinda of felt bad after they told me. But the thing is it felt right at the moment because I trusted the gut and it told me to kiss her (after she gave me the signals). But do you think we were moving too fast? Should we slow things down?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Did I mess up on the first date with the kiss.
- Thread starter rkc09
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Jeez, are your brothers two characters in a 1950's sex ed film? Are their first kisses going to be on the altar?
I made out with a girl at a party last night, and I didn't even get her name. Do you think she feels disrespected? Kissing is not big deal.
Disrespect? If it was disrespectful SHE would have let you know that. But it seems like she was pretty into it, right? I knew I was getting good at this DJ stuff when I realized that when I went in for a first kiss with a new girl my heart didn't even speed up. Kissing is no big deal.
Anyhow, it's not like you just met this girl and this was the "getting to know you" first date. You've been talking to her for awhile.
Even if it WAS the getting to know you date, making out on the first date is nothing disrespectful. It seems par for the course for most of us.
I made out with a girl at a party last night, and I didn't even get her name. Do you think she feels disrespected? Kissing is not big deal.
Disrespect? If it was disrespectful SHE would have let you know that. But it seems like she was pretty into it, right? I knew I was getting good at this DJ stuff when I realized that when I went in for a first kiss with a new girl my heart didn't even speed up. Kissing is no big deal.
Anyhow, it's not like you just met this girl and this was the "getting to know you" first date. You've been talking to her for awhile.
Even if it WAS the getting to know you date, making out on the first date is nothing disrespectful. It seems par for the course for most of us.
Okay listen this was my first date. They said that it was TOO much on the first date. Now if they think this then my parents will most likely to but do you it went too far with the kissing on the neck? See my family are christians and they think that kissing her on the first date was bad becasue it could lead to other "thing". But I can be trusted and plus were not OFFICALLY going out with each other but idk I think the kiss ment it. This just wasn't a kiss a girl at a party I'm talking about kissing a girl on the first date that you plan on being with. I think what I'm trying say is does this kissing mean were OFFICALLY bf and gf? Or is that something we should talk about?
Also what I'm trying to say it kissing a random girl at a club is different than kissing a girl on a date. Okay maybe i used the wrong term by saying "disrespected". My brothers thought that kissing her was too much on the first date. They say it's a bad thing to start kissing on the first date because it's too much. Now remember they is coming for a christian family (to christians sex before marriage is wrong and they think that making out might lead to sex but I wouldn't go that far. I can be trusted). But I the thing is I felt good about it when it happen. I only felt bad after they told me that. Now they made it seem like it was such a bad thing and I actually started to felt bad about. The reason I'm confused is because I was happy with it a first now they just made it seem like I was wrong for kissing on the first date.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Haha, don't worry so much. OK, last things first: you're not OFFICIALLY boyfriend/girlfriend until the two of you have that conversation (the conversation where you decided you are officially bf/gf). This is the type of thing the girl usually brings up (because she's DYING to be your girlfriend right now, in case you don't know that part).
Have you called her? If not you need to. Because if you haven't, she is FREAKING OUT right now. Girls are silly like this. A million things are running through her head, and they're all absolutely nuts: should I have let him make out with me? Does he like me? He didn't call, maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he think's I'm a slut now since I let him make out with me at the movies. I bet he never wants to see me again. I bet he told all his friends and they're all making fun of me now.
Seriously, this is the type of thing girls think up if you don't call the next day. You don't have to talk long; 5 minutes is enough. That's just enough to let her know you're interested still, and she was being crazy thinking those crazy things.
When it comes to "what is too much on the first date," that's really a matter of personal preference. Wherever you feel that line is is where that line is. This isn't something where a line is clearly drawn anywhere. How old are you, btw?
It's funny that you're this upset about making out, and your parents are worried about this leading to "other things." Regardless, the seedy details of your romantic life are none of their business. If you kissed her, or if you went all the way, or anything in between is none of their business. This is an area of your life where you have to establish your independance from your parents. If you feel comfortable talking to them about this that's fine, but intimate details like this aren't matters of public record. You can say, "I don't want to talk about this with you," and they should be able to respect that (I'm not guaranteeing that they WILL respect that, because parents can be nosy, but this is between you and this girl. If you don't want to tell your parents all the gritty details you shouldn't feel like you have to).
Now just relax, you did a good job.
Have you called her? If not you need to. Because if you haven't, she is FREAKING OUT right now. Girls are silly like this. A million things are running through her head, and they're all absolutely nuts: should I have let him make out with me? Does he like me? He didn't call, maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he think's I'm a slut now since I let him make out with me at the movies. I bet he never wants to see me again. I bet he told all his friends and they're all making fun of me now.
Seriously, this is the type of thing girls think up if you don't call the next day. You don't have to talk long; 5 minutes is enough. That's just enough to let her know you're interested still, and she was being crazy thinking those crazy things.
When it comes to "what is too much on the first date," that's really a matter of personal preference. Wherever you feel that line is is where that line is. This isn't something where a line is clearly drawn anywhere. How old are you, btw?
It's funny that you're this upset about making out, and your parents are worried about this leading to "other things." Regardless, the seedy details of your romantic life are none of their business. If you kissed her, or if you went all the way, or anything in between is none of their business. This is an area of your life where you have to establish your independance from your parents. If you feel comfortable talking to them about this that's fine, but intimate details like this aren't matters of public record. You can say, "I don't want to talk about this with you," and they should be able to respect that (I'm not guaranteeing that they WILL respect that, because parents can be nosy, but this is between you and this girl. If you don't want to tell your parents all the gritty details you shouldn't feel like you have to).
Now just relax, you did a good job.
rkc09 said:
Christian or not, your brothers are being a couple of grade-A jerks raining on your parade like this. They sound like AFCs, and are likely just jelous. You should be able to sit back and be happy that you made out with a chick you like. You didn't do anything wrong. Jesus ain't mad at ya!
Kissing girls is a normal part of life. It's something you should feel good about, not bad about. Your brothers just need to butt out.
Michele l'Arcangelo
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2005
- Messages
- 1,460
- Reaction score
- 22
true. hands down. thumbs upThe Forms said:
so true. i was on another message board and a girl made a thread called:
"hook up"
along the lines of her making out with a friend and he never called back and now she's freakin out EXACTLY how you described. she said she hates men now... blah blah... then AFCs on the board saying she's pretty, etc... then her saying she loves boys now. figures.
In Motion
Senior Don Juan
You did good, especially if she gave you the signs. Screw your brothers, you should be happy about it. They are probably just jealous.
Congrats man!
Congrats man!
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.