"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Dictionary

Skel

Master Don Juan
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You may have seen this but here it is

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

Ø 40-ish..................................49.

Ø Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.

Ø Athletic................................No breasts.

Ø Average looking.....................Moooo.

Ø Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Ø Emotionally Secure..................On medication

Ø Feminist...............................Fat.

Ø Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

Ø Friendship first.......................Former Slut.

Ø New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Ø Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s

Ø Open-minded.........................Desperate.

Ø Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.

Ø Professional...........................*****.

Ø Voluptuous...........................Very fat.

Ø Large frame...........................Hugely fat.

Ø Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø Yes.....................................No

Ø No......................................Yes

Ø Maybe.................................No

Ø We need...............................I want

Ø I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry

Ø We need to talk......................You're in trouble

Ø Sure, go ahead........................You better not

Ø Do what you want...................You will pay for this later

Ø I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!

Ø You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø I am hungry...........................I am hungry

Ø I am sleepy............................I am sleepy

Ø I am tired..............................I am tired

Ø Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

Ø I love you..............................Let's have sex now

Ø I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

Ø May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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MagnuM

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What does this have to do with anything? Please write a story.
 

DrMetallica

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I thought it was marginally funny until I read:


Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.

LOL!
 

MagnuM

Don Juan
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Ok...

I read the whole thing.

This is HILARIOUS!
 
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