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Creating conflict about a flake

synecdoche

Don Juan
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This week I had an issue with a girl I've know for a while and I don’t know if I handled it well or should have done something differently.

Girl I had been dating for a while, broke up with her because her IL was getting low. After a couple of weeks she starts texting me again. She starting chasing me asking me how my day was, double texting, talking about things we did whilst dating, premise was that I still had a book of her that she wanted back and she wanted to meet.

We were set up for Saturday to give the book back and have a drink and play some pool. She texted me that she’s having a rough week and a busy weekend and she wants to stay home Saturday because she has to get up early on Sunday and she’s very stressed lately. She didn’t propose something else or another day. In my opinion she’s just trying to toy me (string me on), has another date or her IL is too low and she’d rather chill home than drive to the city.

How would you guys handle this? I wanted to try something different and called her out.

“Lame excuse, I’ll send the book to you by post.”

She got very emotional and was pissed, started nagging about how I should understand her etc… I responded that I understand her but she should understand me as well and I don’t have time for bull****. (She has no problem with going out with friends every weekend, but this weekend she suddenly wants to catch some sleep.) She got more pissed. Eventually I asked her what she proposes. She messaged me back that she wants to go meet another day (no specific date) if I would still want.

HB: Yea, lets meet another day?
HB: If you still want at least
HB: (stupid emoji with a kiss)
ME: back to puzzling… (cause we both have not a lot of free time)
HB: Yea cause you’re always busy yourself
ME: You know I’d be happy to make some time for you

She knows that last text was said with an undertone of irony, but maybe I should have left her in the dark and have answered with “We’ll see, I’ll think about it” on her proposal, yet since I asked her for a counteroffer so it felt a bit stupid to do that.

I feel like having a conversation like this makes me look like I’m butthurt, however just acting like it’s no problem and avoiding conflict at all and say we’ll meet another time or even propose something else to her makes me look like I’m a push-around who would be happy to meet on her terms.

How would you guys handle this situation? Thinking more about it, I might had to just ignore her after I called her out. Not only show words but action as well, that BS has consequences.

Does any of you sometimes create a bit of conflict with a girl just to piss her off and give her some strong emotions? Or am I seeing this completely wrong?
 
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Alvafe

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tell her if she want her book she can come get in your house, because serious you ahve more interesting things to do then waste on a laow class girl who can't keep her word, then ignore her till your dead, and good luck for her finding you at home,

stop wasting time with woman like this move on
 

17 shots

Master Don Juan
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You did good in the beginning, when you said lame excuse I'll send it to you, but then you got sucked into a convo with her. You didn't need to say anything else after that

When they can get you to keep responding, they take it as you still care

And stop worrying about what she thinks of you, and how she feels. None of that matters. You broke up with her for a reason. Remember that, and move on. Stand by your decision, and be firm about it
 

Mazer

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You lead. I would have told her you were going to leave the book in your mailbox and she can come and get it. She comes to your house and it’s a good opportunity to bang her or she just picks it up the book from your mailbox and you are out with other women. Either way you aren’t wasting your time.
 

Dash Riprock

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I must have read this same post 100+ times over the years on SS: "I dumped this girl, or she dumped me, a few weeks went by, she texts me, we agree to a date, she bails on some lame excuse at the last minute." This is about as formulaic and predicable as it gets.

The solution is very, very, very simple: SILENCE--DISTANCE--(BLOCK--DELETE if you feel you'll be temped to contact/respond). Move on.

F*uck the book, Keep it. Collateral damage in a relationship.

Good luck.
 

synecdoche

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Ok thanks for the replies and the advice given.

I indeed got sucked into the conversation, and I was kind of suprised how emotionally invested I suddenly got again. Lesson learned, moving on, too bad I didn't leave it at my initial text.
 

teacha

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She was just toying with you to see if you were still emotionally invested and you just proved to her that you are by agreeing to see her and getting all emotional when she flaked on you. In the future, don’t let women move you off centre easily like that.

she doesn’t actually want you back, she just wants to know that you still want her. If I was you, I wouldn’t set up any dates with her, just keep your relationship strictly physical from now on.
 

The Duke

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There are 2 forms of currency that are always being exchanged between men and women which is sex and attention.

A guy will respond to her attempts to collect attention in hopes that he will at some point get sex. If her interest is anything but
high, she will play games and act flakey.

At this point guys become confused and come to Sosuave asking questions. The reason she reached out was entirely selfish on her part. It's attention seeking, self-validating behavior. Once you paid with "attention" she now has what she wanted in the first place and you are left robbed because now she isn't responding positively anymore. She got what she wanted, she doesn't care about you.

Treat the attention you provide for women like money. Don't waste it on those that don't offer a return.
 
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