Could You Would You? Caregiving

[Powerlifter]

I decided this topic would go here because I wanted mature minds to comment male or female no sugar coating.

Anyway, how many men here would be a caregiver for a parent not so much a spouse if married to make their final days comfortable at their home or in your home?

Could you would you?

The following link puts it in some perpective of the work involved.

I wonder how women view men who are caregivers for there Mothers or how other men view men son's taking care of their Mothers?

Are son's who take on the task of caregiver for their Mothers true DJ's or chumps or seriously in such matters giving labels to men is foolish?

http://caringfortheaged.suite101.co...ry-caregivers-for-elderly-parents-and-spouses

Powerlifter

 

[Warrior74]

My father is one of the best men I know. He visited his mother every day in her old age and helped take care of her in her last days, often doing the work that the nurses weren't doing. He never complained or got emotional about it. All he said to me was, she's my mother, she brought me in the world and did her best with the little she had to take care of me, and now I'm going to take care of her.

And that is what a man does. Anything less is shameful. Anyone who says otherwise I have no respect for. Family first.

 

[Powerlifter]

Warrior74, thanks for the post sounds like your dad was a good man and I agree with the last part of your post.

Powerlifter

 

[CaptainJ]

Don't ask us what women think about caregivers. It's not about the women. It's about what you are doing and what it means for the person you are looking after. Going into caregiving just to impress someone is vanity at its highest. Your motivation should not be based on what people will think of you.

 

[Lexington]

If you have a good mom and dad, then you owe it it to them to take care of them as they took care of you. If a woman isn't cool with that, she should be kicked to the curb.

 

[Powerlifter]

I agree with everything you wrote it was a general question as in the social conventions we have in what men are supposed to do and not do in our society.

As anyone knows most caregivers are women and most men are to worried about how their masculinity might look instead of what is really important and thats caring for an ill parent if that parent was someone who truly loved you unconditionally and you had the means to care for her either at her home or yours to avoid having to be placed in a nursing home.

Not to go into detail I care for my Mother in my home who suffered a stroke in December after I loss my dad in November. She is unable to walk or care for herself and needs constant care 24/7.

I have her on home health care where a nurse visits once a week and I can have her doctor visit her as well for her doctor appointments but the blunt of the job is on me like changing her diapers making sure her medicines are taken on time bathing and feedings or putting her in the wheel chair etc.,

My Mother was in a nursing home for 3 months doctors gave her 3 months to live after her stroke. When my Mother cried out to me everyday for the whole 3 months to get her out of there and when I watched her spirit fade to almost lifelessness I decided she can die at my home.

Tomorrow is Mothers day and to have her still with me her spirit lifted to new highs and doing better than expected it is a gift to still have her I just wish my dad was still here.

Thanks for all the post but my personal opinion just like male nurses get slack for being nurses by some women male nurses are some of the best nurses and just wondered what women would think of men caregiving for a parent though a more difficult task and stressful. Not that I really give a dam for I am to old and thick skinned for that and well I will just continue to care for my Mother and to love my Mother to death..... literally.

Powerlifter

Don't ask us what women think about caregivers. It's not about the women. It's about what you are doing and what it means for the person you are looking after. Going into caregiving just to impress someone is vanity at its highest. Your motivation should not be based on what people will think of you.

 

[tihash]

Powerlifter,

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through with your dad and now with your mom.

Although it does not rise to your level, my mom broke her hip the day before Easter and my dad is 20 years older than my mom and is in poor health, unable to drive, etc. So, while my mom recoups at home (after being in the hospital a week and a rehab center for a week) the tasks of cooking, cleaning, etc at her house have fallen primarily on me. She is better every week and can do more and more, and hopefully in another month can drive, but I understand as best I can what you are going through: i bet you find it difficult or impossible to have dinner dates, you probably cannot sleep over with any women at this time, etc.

FWIW, I had a 6-month GF last year who (this is before my mom's hip fracture) took issue with the close relationship I have with my parents and did not cut me any slack when we got some bad news about my dad's cancer around Christmas. She saw my relationship with my parents as cutting into "her time" with me. She and I are no longer together solely because she felt I didn;t have enough time for her.

Some women will not understand your duties to your mom and your loyalty to your mom. Kick those women to the curb.

Do you think they would take care of you if you were ill if they do not respect you taking care of your mom?

I wish your mom and you the best and I hope she proves the doctors wrong and has a full recovery.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Powerlifter,
We have some great blokes on this Site!!!...."Could You Would You?"I would add should you,and say without hesitation,Yes!If you add Have you,I could say Yeah.....The end results were not Happy making,but I did it my way...About seven Years ago,my 28 years old Son was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia the verdict was 15 months to go....After another couple of months he had evolved a further three strains of this vile abomination in his own body,one of which was new to Science,hard Cheese Huh?....The Profs amended their optimistic forecast to 3.5 months,rather precise isn't it?just as well the Man in the Sky doesn't listen to the Professors,even if there are three of them....At my wits end I went to a Christian Healing group...to cut a long story short,after his treatment,his own wife abandoned him,aided by advice from my own Wife,amazing but true...I took him in to my home to convalesce...The Family environment and freedom from the cares of earning his living saw him go from strength to strength,he started a Uni degree,and for once was happy....Then out of the Blue,my Wife delivers an ultimatum,"It's him or me"....I had bargained with a higher being,was I to toss him into the Street?.....some months later,she beat me up in front of my Family,and was removed from my home in handcuffs,she went straight from the cells to the home of her two Lesbian lovers....my marriage was in tatters,but at least I had my self respect...Lessons to be learnt?I really don't know,suffice to say bringing a significant other into the home,may well accentuate existing problems....Think about it.

 

[Warrior74]

You have my respect Powerlifter. Any woman who has a problem with that isn't worth it, it says a lot about her character.

 

[Powerlifter]

Thanks for the added replies.

Yes, my dating life has come to an end the past 6 weeks since I have taken on the job in caring for her but as stressful as it maybe there is satisfaction in doing so to see she is doing better than expected.

Again, thanks this was a good outlet I just needed to post to see how others view caregiving by men.

Powerlifter

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Be a good boy and purchase long-term care insurance for your parents. Despite the rumblings in the CLASS Act, the government is not going to pay for long-term care of the elderly, it would bankrupt us inside a year.

Here's the deal: LTC Insurance pays up to a defined benefit maximum for qualified LTC expenses. It boils down to a question, would you rather pay $3000/year now or $6000/MONTH (at today's prices) later? Protect your inheritance, having just one of your parents require a nursing home or assisted living can bankrupt them within a few years. Everything they own slowly gets liquidated to pay the ridiculous costs of managed care. Buy LTC Insurance so they don't go broke, you don't have to move them into your house, and so you get to keep the farm.

Also, Uncle Sam wants you to buy LTCI, so if you own a business or are otherwise self-employed you will more than likely be able to write off 100% of your premiums. Consult your CPA. If you cannot write premiums off, you can always go open a Health Savings Account (HSA) at your bank and receive a discount relative to your tax bracket (ie: HSAs are funded pre-tax, so a 30% tax bracket=30% discount). Only buy LTC from Prudential, John Hancock, or Metlife. They are the only ones who can underwrite it.

Happy Mothers Day

 

[Powerlifter]

Who are you directing the 'be a good boy at?'

My Mother is 81 years old and the last I checked Warren Buffit would have had trouble paying for the insurance plus when long term health care was established over 30 years ago they were already in there 50's and the cost was already out of hand for them but my dad was smart enough to have life insurance.

With that in mind the older our country gets the more you hear about getting long term health care and I would agree get some the earlier the better but who thinks about long term care when your young. The cost for my Mothers now is way to muich and if more reasonable I would buy it in a heart beat.

Powerlifter

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I was directing that at everyone in general.

 

[Powerlifter]

Thanks Julius.

Just to add something.

Even if you had long term care or your parent had it being placed in one of these nursing homes and having a loved one in a place where you have other patients who wheel themselves down the halls screaming and yelling pooping in there diapers where you smell it all over the place or having her personal belongings and clothes stole from other patients yes stolen by them or find your loved one in a dirty diaper that hasn't been changed in hours is no place for anyone to stay. 3 months of this bullsh*t was enough and one reason I bought my Mom home with me for I just figured being with me would be a better way to die then a place like that regardless of the stress and burden it would have on me but I am OK with it.

For Mom Medicare paid a part of this bill in the 100 days then its either out of pocket or your supplimental insurance from then on. After the 100 days assets are taken (that is if you want them to snoop into your parents business)to determine if they are to wealthy and can pay out of pocket then if so little by little comes out of assets until you are considered poor then medicaid takes over the full amount.

So the bottom line is if your poor already in this country and your last days are to be placed in a nursing home your covered by the government but if your full of assets and no long term health care you have hard decisions to make.

I didn't feel it neccesary to see my Mom go from having nice assets to none just so she can be considered poor since through the years I have helped her establish her and dads investments to grow.

She still has her home, life insurance from dad and her health insurance that pays her medicines on top of assets but me inheriting the farm when she dies isn't as important to me then seeing that she is comfortable in her last days for I already have build my wealth as you know in our private message we had in early March.

If life was only black and white it would be so easy and well perfect but sadly for alot of people it's not.

Powerlifter