Coping with a false rape accusation - Four months later?

[Firefly]

I posted previously about how a girl I had a one night stand with in a social group turned around and accused me of rape (although she later changed it to an accusation of being "taken advantage of", and has now left the group altogether after some evidence to the contrary became public knowledge).

Four months later, it seems clear that this was arranged by some other members of the group in order to have me removed from this social group. After I was removed, I was told by another member that he was asked to leave the management committee of the group by the same people after his daughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness, on the grounds that he would no longer have the time to properly contribute to the group because of this illness.

Now, in retrospect, I know this was one of the best things to happen to me as the politics were already beginning to become a serious emotional drain on me. As I am currently in the first year of a very demanding graduate program, it is was best this happened before I started, rather then being hit with all this while I was in the middle of the program, as I get the feeling politics are going to get even nastier in the group. While I have had a lot of people I considered friends from the group abandon me as a result of this allegation, just as many remained loyal.

I also decided that trying to impress women by being prominent in a social group leads to a lot of attacks by others. So this year, I am focussing on improving my intrinsic value, rather then my social value. I have not tried to rejoin other social groups since the report. Instead, I have started going back to the gym, and have also been focussing on developing the skills I am being trained in in my graduate program, as these are the skills which I will need to rely on in my future career.

However, I am still having problems coping with what happened. More specifically, I still find it hard to talk to women. In the back of my mind, I am always wondering if they have heard the rumors about me. As a result, for the last three months, I have been hanging out almost exclusively with my male friends, while only talking to the women at work at a polite but distant level (which oddly seems to make some of them even more keen to talk to me). I haven't made a move on a woman since the allegation was made, and I find myself afraid to be seen in a sexual way by any woman. I also find it hard to reconcile the fact that the clique in the social group "won", even though I know rationally that they were only able to do so because most of the members of the clique are long term unemployed, so they have the time to engage in such petty politics. Can anyone suggest any good ways to get over these hangups?

 

[nismo-4]

Exhibit A for "Don't sh!t where you eat!"

I know how isolating being in grad school is(im in it) but you're going to have to find women on the outside.

Exhibit A for "Women stick together to raise the price of pu$$y and love!"

And Exhibit D for "Women want James Bond, they just don't want you to become him."

 

[backbreaker]

i believe i posted in your original thread as well. when the woman did that to me the fake rape bit, it shook me up quite bad. my then GF now wife and i did not have sex for almost a month, i could barley touch her. she was very patient with me.

just give it time. pick and chose your assoiats better


this is really one of the only forums that i post at. this and one other forum. most forums are not for successful people.

using another example, not having to do with rape but your last paragraph, i am a professional handicapper. i gamble on horses for a living. and i am quite good at it. very good actually. i'm so good at what i do i rarely tell anyone what i do and i never tell anyone how much i wager or how much i make/lose becuase it's a zero sum issue with me. you either aren't going to believe me or you are going to become jealous and try to **** on me at every possibility for no other reason than to make you feel better.

well about a year ago, i ran into some older handicappers that i tried to hang out with. it became apparent to me that well, i was probably the only one making any real money. we would talk about races and everyone would agree on a race and i would disagree and tell them that their handicapping is flawed because of this or that, and i would be right and no one ever said good call o r congrats, instead they just waited until i lost a race.. and i lose quite a few of races i'm not perfect, to call me out.

it came to a head last breeders cup day. i told everyone there for 3 weeks that the horse game on dude was going to be a real threat in that race. everyone dismissed him becuase of his low speed figures.. without geting too much into handicapping i xplained to them that he was one of the only horses in the race that actually wanted to run the distance, a long distance, of this particular race that although h wasn't the most tlanted horse in the race he was one of theonly ones that wnated to run that far.

so the race comes, he ballons up to like i think 13 to 1, they break from the gate, he takes the lead, and they hit the turn for the stretch and he gives the field the slip and re breaks at the top of the stretch and opens up. now, he got caught and lost by about what a head, but considering that NO one had the winner , and everyone else's picks were struggling to finish the race,l i had clearly handicapped hte race right. i just lost. even thougmy hors elost by a head and theirs lost by like 15-20 lengthes the guys just pailed on me about being wrong. at that point i realized, you know, groups like this, they are like a bucket of crabs. they will pull you down with them if you try to get out. they don't try to help each ohter get better as much as they try to keep the idea that they are doing things the right way they are just having ahrd luck, afloat. that was the l ast time i talked to them and i was better for it. i don't have time for pettiness.

if you stand out, rather people like you or you are better looking or have talents that other people do not have, lin a group that group is going to rebel against you.

i have a select group of people i can shot the **** with about horse racing but i don't handicap with them, we just talk horse racing as a sport. they don't give me any grief and i don't try to educate them on anything. that works for me.

And Exhibit D for "Women want James Bond, they just don't want you to become him."

so true. everyone wants a finished product. no one wants to go along for the struggle / journey. that's one yo9u have to take yourself. it is what it is.


that's one of the things i always found funny about women. like i think back, there were few girls in my past had they played their cards right in my youth, i would have shacked up with them and they would be living much mjuch better lives. but the women, are not so much catches that i woudl want them when i was a finished product. they woudl have to use the loyalty / i was with you at the beginning. but they aren't smart enough to realize this. it's not that they suck, burt they aren't women that if you have women throwing themselves at you that you are going to go out of your way to see if that makes sense. versus if they were with you from the start you will know latent things about them like they are really tried and true people and that you know that woman really likes yoyu for you, etc.

 

[ezio]

People like as long as you're in the same miserable pathetic **** of a life with them. you try to switch up and you'll encounter resistance. just do your thing and forget about them