Conversation

[orthanc]

Hey all,

I'm finding myself confused of late. I stumbled across sosuave before the start of this term, and decided I'd try to use some of the suggestions I'd read. I've had pretty minimal results, mostly because I wasn't motivated enough during the term to get out there and just do it. That being said, I haven't been entirely unsuccessful, but results are minimal. I've grown more confident and comfortable when talking to people I don't know very well and more comfortable doing doing things with people other than my AFC friends.

The biggest problem I have right now is conversation. When I get over myself and say "Hi," I find it almost impossible to carry on a natural conversation. Whether I initiate conversation or someone else does, it usually lasts for a very short time. I just run out of things to say/ask really fast. While this problem applies to almost anyone, it is (coincidentally) especially accute amongst the girls whom I like, because I have very little to talk about with them to begin with.

A side note is that I'm having trouble gaging interest. There are some girls I think may be interested in me (holding eye contact, light kino, etc) but judging what is intentional and what is incidental is very confusing. This is once again aggravated by the fact that I CANT HOLD A CONVERSATION to gather more data.

Any advice or feedback you can give would be much appreciated.

 

[SIDEBOARD]

Well I'm just a fledgling DJ myself much like you, but I think I can help you out a bit here.

Alright so your having trouble with talking to girls? 1st gain confidence(which you said you already have) then talk to the girl and you got that right. But your main prob is running out of topics right? So here's what I do, before I talk to the girl, first I observe what she does, what she's carrying, what she's wearing or if she has an Ipod or an mp3, also learn a technique called "Cold Reading". With those things in mind I ready tons of topic openers and branch out from those topic openers.

Here's an example on how I branch out from topics.

Girl is wearing a T-Shirt with a print(ex A skull with a heart.)

Me - Hi,(name of girl), I'm guessing you like emo music.

Girl - Yeah, I do, how'd you know?

Me - Just a guess

Girl - Really? Cool! So how bout you, you listen to emo too?

Me - Nah... I prefer (music genre). I don't really like emo since the messages they send are usually "Go kill yourself", luckily you haven't done it yet.

Girl - Yeah, haha.

Then branch out from there

Me - So I'm guessing you play guitar since you like emo?

(tadaa, topic extension)

I haven't quite mastered gauging interest yet but here's what I observe. There is a chance that the chick might be interested with you if she and you do kino's constantly,(To me, It happens usually after a neg hit, the girl usually gives me an elbow to the ribs, then i just like tap her shoulder and say stuff.) since it signifies comfort.(I think)

 

[SenorSuave]

haha idk bout the whole "I don't like emo cuz they say to go kill yourself". I think if she did like emo that would come as a turn off to her. Just branch out in the conversation. Listen for key words within the conversation that you can use to branch out.

 

[NFC]

I used to have this problem..

It's not that you don't have anything to say.. it's just that you're too afraid to say what you're thinking. There's literally hundreds of things going on in your brain that you could say.. you're just too afraid of offending her.. or her thinking you're weird, or whatever. One thing I've learned is just to let go.. that's all I can really say. And don't be afraid of touching her. When I run out of things to say, I just **** with them physically. I lightly slap them, I hung them.. squeeze them. Grap their chin, play with their hair, play fight them. Anything. Just be random, don't be an idiot. Just don't be afraid to say and do whatever comes to mind. Today a put my hand up like a gun and shot at a chick, I don't know what posessed me. But I did, I was like "haha, I shot you" and it got her laughing, and she played along and pretended to be dead so I helped her back up on her feet. I don't know what else to say.. just whatever, if you run out of things to say ask her a question. Or if all else fails, take it physical. Do something.. there will be a reaction, if there isnt.. then she will say something. Trust me.. then bingo, more to talk about.

 

[The Shocker]

haha NFC, that's like Jim in The Office, where he throws the "grenade" at Karen...

 

[NFC]

Are you mocking me?

This girl is currently my **** buddy. :\

 

[orthanc]

LoL nice Shocker, love that show.

Anyways, thanks for the advice guys. I'll see if I can put it to use.

 

[Mjazz]

Say whatever is on your mind, if you say it right, you can say almost anything. I have noticed that when I am relaxed, I can speak and improv better than when I am nervous. Ever noticed when your speaking in front of a large group of people you cant think as fast and clearly? You need to just relax when your speaking, ideas and topics will come naturally.