Conflicted in LTR

[TheTraveller]

It's been a while. I've moved to L.A. and just a few months into my new city, I met a very nice girl. Unbelievably loyal, excellent LTR qualities but just one thing - really only one thing - has been holding me back during our 9 months together and that is her looks.

Her face is very cute but her body is average (5'2 and approx 140-150). Being in L.A., there are hotties everywhere. Every time I see my gf's body I desire more. I'm not adonis here but I know I'm not attracted to a body that is overweight, regardless of the level of overweight. Strangely enough, we have good sex, frequently.

So, I really don't want to lose everything else she has brought to this relationship. I ended up going on a date a few weeks ago, behind her back. I felt like crap for doing so. It feels as if I want to date others for the fun and variety but also keep my gf, continue to see her but not exclusively.

At this point, after 9 month, I know I have to cut ties with either the dating on the side or my gf. I'm really at a loss and wavering back and forth on this issue constantly.

If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't have much to say about this with anyone at my life at the moment and I don't have any real support structure (no riends outside of work) down here. It's like I don't know if I want her in my life and how important that may or may not be for me.

Thanks for reading,
-Traveller

 

[Kailex]

If you don't like her body now, what makes you think you are going to like it in a few years... once she's gotten comfortable and has decided she doesn't need to put in any more effort into looking good enough for you?

I know it sounds harsh, but I've been there, brother.

To me, the fact that she is overweight already is a bigger indicator of more things that most guys seem to gloss over.

Does she go to the gym? Does she TRY at said gym? Does she try to dress up nicely?

Sometimes a woman who is overweight and doesn't care to compete with smaller counterparts can be an indicator of lack of ambition, motivation, and determination. What some men see as an extra 20 pounds, I see as potential character flaws.

You already saw yourself going on another date and you are barely a year into this relationship. What do you think happens in Year 5... or Year 10? Do you honestly think this will get any better? I doubt it.

There are thousands of women in your area that are possible LTR material and that embody the physical and emotional characteristics you want. Don't settle. You're a 33 male barely into his prime, not a 33 year old female whose window is closing.

 

[DonGorgon]

don't waste a persons time.. don't lead them on.. avoid breaking hearts for superficial reasons..

 

[dangdang]

Not to be mean, but 5'2 and 140-150? I'd imagine this is your problem.

To echo above, have you guys tried working out together? At the very least, walks with intention. By that I mean do you know how it's kinda essential for a mentally healthy dog to have intended walking? I don't mean this is a derogatory way whatsoever, it's extremely healthy for females and your connection together.

Cloud be the catalyst for chat time between you two, get lost in being active together, and open the door for more intense exercise that will help this situation.

On the flip side, if you're special enough to her, she will do whatever necessary to keep you enticed on her own. Sometimes there is no replacement for an individual's lack of desire for healthy rituals on their own.

What's her mom look like? Harsh reality, but get the point?

 

[speed dawg]

If you're not attracted to her, don't waste yours or her time. Unless she sucks a mean d*ck.

 

[Colossus]

Hey Traveller, welcome back. I remember talking with you back in the day.

Let me tell you from experience, because I have been there: It will not get better. You aren't going to suddenly wake up one day and find her hot. You never will. You will always have this low-grade dissatisfaction with her looks, and you will always be looking at other women.

The last 2 girls I had LTRs with were pretty-ish, but not hot. They would look great in certain outfits or with makeup but kinda bad at other times. They werent so unattractive I wasnt sexually aroused, but I was constantly looking at other girls and envious of guys who had prettier girlfriends. Now of course there were other, bigger issues that drove me to break up with them, but this was a baseline dissatisfaction that never truly went away for me.

That's not to say you HAVE to date an HB 9+ to be happy, but you should be happy with her looks the way they are from day one. Her natural looks, not just with makeup or a hot dress.

And bro, if you went on a date with another girl behind her back....man just exit gracefully from this relationship and save the poor girl some pain.