Concert girl uses me as a jealousy decoy? =P

[Jaylan]

So I was at a small concert last night to see one of my favorite bands growing up. Theres this girl there, and at first I assumed she was somewhere between 16 and 20, so I ignored her as she stared at me. Then she comes over to me and says "I like your hair"...and Im thinking "uh oh..." lol. Apparently we both look young for our ages, and turns out shes mid 20s.

Anyways, we start chatting, have drinks while the opening band plays and shes very touchy and all that. I find out shes local to me, goes to the same gym, has a brainy major at school, and so Im thinking "cool, maybe I met a cool chick to date". As we talk about the gym, we showed off progress pictures on our phones lol (she has a body).

And then the weirdness begins...

As we hung out I got to meet a buddy of hers. She made sure to label this guy as merely a buddy at first. Dude was pretty chill. We were both hardcore fans of the headlining band and talked about their discography and past shows we had seen them at.

But eventually this girl decided to start whining to me about her friendship with the dude. How apparently they are good family friends, and hes almost like best friends with her sister. And stuff about how they hooked up but he didnt wanna talk about it just yet.

And Im thinking "why the fvk are you telling me that?" And half the night shes hardcore hitting on me too...which seems to me as if shes trying to make the dude jealous. The dude is right there and shes trying to put my hands all over her. She even turned around and during the second bands set to kiss me. And I like half backed away. She intended for us to hang out at the end of the night, but I didnt stick around too long after the headlining band finished. (pretty sure she'd have wanted to hook up if we hung out)Hell, tbh, if I wasnt so interested in seeing the music last night, I could have been hooking up in the balcony half the night Id say.

And get this...she has an AMEX card, and the venue only took Mastercard and Visa. So at the end of the night they told her she wasnt able to use it to pay the tab she already rang up. (stupid for the bartender not to check the card first). So she asks me and her buddy if we can lend her 20 bucks and we both say we are strapped for cash :crackup: Granted she really did have to leave her card and information with a manager, but I wasnt loaning money to someone I barely knew.

I could only roll my eyes at how Ive attracted yet another weird one lol

 

[bukowski_merit]

"cool, maybe I met a cool chick to date".

In my opinion: This is where the problem begins...

Thinking a woman might be "a cool chick to date" after a little idel chatter featuring commonality exchanges - is.... not a frame that is going to work out that often.

But eventually this girl decided to start whining to me about her friendship with the dude. How apparently....

You have two choices:

1) Let her talk about stuff like this. (which is fine as long as you can handle it)
2) Don't let her talk about stuff like this.

You chose 1) and it doesn't appear that you were ready for the results.

I mean, you can literally tell a woman you're not interested in hearing stuff like this if you don't want to hear it..... Or you can let her go on about it all night (and gain insight.)

And Im thinking "why the fvk are you telling me that?"

I think it's because she's in a casual mindset, and you were already seeing this girl in a serious light.

Women tell me weird sh!t all the time. I use it as intel.

I've had women stop and ask out loud: "Why am I telling you this?" ... I mean crazy wild stuff after only knowing me for a short while.... "It's ok... continue" is my standard answer...

And some on this board will claim low interest... Or disrespect... Or sh!t test... Blah blah blah.... But I've never had a problem banging or making fvck buddies out of these women... But that's all that interests me. I don't have a dating frame, yet alone start in one.

She intended for us to hang out at the end of the night, but I didnt stick around too long after the headlining band finished. (pretty sure she'd have wanted to hook up if we hung out)

I have little doubt that she would have hooked up with you. But you were looking for something more... Your frame of, "she's a cool girl i could date" left you alone with your 'could of been's at the end of the night.


Most women aren't going to be in a dating frame with you minutes after meeting you. At least, that's not how it's ever worked with me...

 

[Jaylan]

In my opinion: This is where the problem begins...

Thinking a woman might be "a cool chick to date" after a little idel chatter featuring commonality exchanges - is.... not a frame that is going to work out that often.

Yes and no. I see no big issue, because everyone likes dating someone cool. Because of my work schedule I havent dated much recently. Now that I have more free time, Im just trying to find some fun.

You have two choices:

1) Let her talk about stuff like this. (which is fine as long as you can handle it)
2) Don't let her talk about stuff like this.

You chose 1) and it doesn't appear that you were ready for the results.

I mean, you can literally tell a woman you're not interested in hearing stuff like this if you don't want to hear it..... Or you can let her go on about it all night (and gain insight.)

I did tell her to talk to the other guy about it and not me. Hell, I even told the dude he should talk to her about that crap so she wont bother me with it. She kept going, so I did gain insight...insight to know that she might not be such a cool chick to date lol.

I think it's because she's in a casual mindset, and you were already seeing this girl in a serious light.

Women tell me weird sh!t all the time. I use it as intel.

Thats a casual mindset? Maybe for someone who doesnt know how normal people act when they are interested in someone. I dont tell women Im interested in that I hooked up with a chick friend whos 3 feet away from me.

Where did you get that I saw her in a serious light? Because I said I could maybe date her? What about "date" is serious. For me "dating" means casual fun and nothing serious until I get to know the girl better. All in all, a smart chick with tact doesnt tell a dude about other guys shes hooked up with. It only relegates her to someone I might (or mostly might not) hook up with.

She was attractive, but she basically screwed up if her intention was to get with me.

I've had women stop and ask out loud: "Why am I telling you this?" ... I mean crazy wild stuff after only knowing me for a short while.... "It's ok... continue" is my standard answer...

And some on this board will claim low interest... Or disrespect... Or sh!t test... Blah blah blah.... But I've never had a problem banging or making fvck buddies out of these women... But that's all that interests me. I don't have a dating frame, yet alone start in one.

I didnt see it as low interest or disrespect. I saw it as a girl who was attracted to me, but clearly doesnt know how to behave when talking to guys.

Either that or she was using me as jealousy bait.

I have little doubt that she would have hooked up with you. But you were looking for something more... Your frame of, "she's a cool girl i could date" left you alone with your 'could of been's at the end of the night.

Most women aren't going to be in a dating frame with you minutes after meeting you. At least, that's not how it's ever worked with me...

Again, youre loading the term "date" with a lot more than I meant it to be. Like I said, for me dating is casual and fun. Its not serious. If I felt a girl was a serious prospect, Id have explicitly stated as such. I wasnt looking for something "more" with a girl I barely knew at a concert.

I was attracted to her, and was very open to things happening had she not started being weird. Now Im very iffy about getting physical if I were to ever have the chance to spend time with her.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yes and no. I see no big issue, because everyone likes dating someone cool. Because of my work schedule I havent dated much recently. Now that I have more free time, Im just trying to find some fun.

Well... If you're just looking for some fun; and someone to have it with in your freetime - why didn't you have it with her? You said yourself she was all over you and would have been making out with you...

I did tell her to talk to the other guy about it and not me. Hell, I even told the dude he should talk to her about that crap so she wont bother me with it. She kept going, so I did gain insight...insight to know that she might not be such a cool chick to date lol.

Was she on drugs? Hyperactive? lol

Strange behavior (to me) is not a woman talking about whatever is in her scrambled head.... It's her continuing to talk about it after you've shown no interest or told her not to. Strange behavior is also you staying around her while she does this.

Maybe she just has oneitis for the dude... But we all know the best way for someone to get over oneitis...

Thats a casual mindset? Maybe for someone who doesnt know how normal people act when they are interested in someone. I dont tell women Im interested in that I hooked up with a chick friend whos 3 feet away from me.

Casual = only sexual at first. Maybe a little more after a few bangs.

"Normal" and "woman" don't get along too well in my eyes... Hell, normal isn't really real. Normal is mostly presentation. When the masks are off - and we're all closer to the true us - we're all a bit strange..... This board itself would be viewed by many as weird.

So yes, it is weird to tell someone that you hooked up with a guy who's 3 feet from you.

Where did you get that I saw her in a serious light? Because I said I could maybe date her? What about "date" is serious. For me "dating" means casual fun and nothing serious until I get to know the girl better. All in all, a smart chick with tact doesnt tell a dude about other guys shes hooked up with. It only relegates her to someone I might (or mostly might not) hook up with.

Would you "date" someone who you knew you wouldn't get serious with?

If so, then our definitions of dating are the same. (although i wouldn't call it dating)

If not, then our definitions are different.

The real definition of Dating to me is dating TOWARDS something serious (ideally for the idealistic).

I see these words: Tact, smart, normal... Peppered through your post... And that's with reason... I understand it's to separate yourself...

But....

You've dated tactful, smart, normal women? Why aren't you still with them? Seems like they wouldn't give you trouble if they were really that....

Again, youre loading the term "date" with a lot more than I meant it to be. Like I said, for me dating is casual and fun. Its not serious. If I felt a girl was a serious prospect, Id have explicitly stated as such. I wasnt looking for something "more" with a girl I barely knew at a concert.

But yet, you seem like you were looking for something more. So if this guy hadn't been there - and fate still had you guys meet, and you guys ended up back at your place and hooked up.... How would today be different than if you had done that anyway? Isn't the result the same?

I was attracted to her, and was very open to things happening had she not started being weird. Now Im very iffy about getting physical if I were to ever have the chance to spend time with her.

I guess I just come from the school of thought that says: The meaning of the interaction is the result that you get.

So if the girl is giving me good vibes (putting my hands all over her and trying to kiss me, etc) the rest of the stuff doesn't matter.

Just different ways of "dating" ....

 

[Jaylan]

Run of the mill AW experience. Learn to spot them. Your AW radar should be going off whenever a girl approaches you first.

And here I am thinking it was my smexiness =( lol

Well... If you're just looking for some fun; and someone to have it with in your freetime - why didn't you have it with her? You said yourself she was all over you and would have been making out with you...

Self respect tbh. Plus she killed the vibe. Why would I want to hook up with a girl after she pointed out that some guy she banged is a few feet away (who knows how recently)? And she was whining about it and asked my opinion. Sorry but thats a HUGE turnoff. I dont care if she was throwing herself at me...thats a boner killer for me.

Was she on drugs? Hyperactive? lol

Strange behavior (to me) is not a woman talking about whatever is in her scrambled head.... It's her continuing to talk about it after you've shown no interest or told her not to. Strange behavior is also you staying around her while she does this.

Maybe she just has oneitis for the dude... But we all know the best way for someone to get over oneitis...

Dude, I wasnt losing my good sight-line at the stage over some broad. I wasnt going to move because of some weird girl. I liked my spot, and came for the music. I was seeing one of my favorite bands play, and I hadnt seen them live in like 8 years.

Casual = only sexual at first. Maybe a little more after a few bangs.

"Normal" and "woman" don't get along too well in my eyes... Hell, normal isn't really real. Normal is mostly presentation. When the masks are off - and we're all closer to the true us - we're all a bit strange..... This board itself would be viewed by many as weird.

So yes, it is weird to tell someone that you hooked up with a guy who's 3 feet from you.

glad we agree on what is weird lol

Would you "date" someone who you knew you wouldn't get serious with?

If so, then our definitions of dating are the same. (although i wouldn't call it dating)

If not, then our definitions are different.

Yes, tons of guys casually date women they would never wife up (get serious with)

The real definition of Dating to me is dating TOWARDS something serious (ideally for the idealistic).

Thats you then I guess. Id dare say that most men dont see the word dating as a term that means they will end up in a relationship with a particular girl.

I see these words: Tact, smart, normal... Peppered through your post... And that's with reason... I understand it's to separate yourself...

But....

You've dated tactful, smart, normal women? Why aren't you still with them? Seems like they wouldn't give you trouble if they were really that....

Im not with them the same way many people are still single. You live life and stuff happens. Right now Im single by choice. Just because Im single doesnt mean I cannot desire to date women who are smart and know how to carry themselves. And just because I meet such a woman does not mean I have to stop being single. Lets be real here.

But yet, you seem like you were looking for something more. So if this guy hadn't been there - and fate still had you guys meet, and you guys ended up back at your place and hooked up.... How would today be different than if you had done that anyway? Isn't the result the same?

Sorry dude...but some things are turn offs for people. Id say most folks would find it a turn off to mention banging someone a few feet away from you. Dont give me "what ifs", lets talk about what actually happened. And I dont bang strangers first night I meet them anyways. Not trying to catch **** (and condoms arent 100%)

I guess I just come from the school of thought that says: The meaning of the interaction is the result that you get.

So if the girl is giving me good vibes (putting my hands all over her and trying to kiss me, etc) the rest of the stuff doesn't matter.

Just different ways of "dating" ....

I dont just take whatever is thrown at me. There are consequences to actions, and this girl was giving me the vibe that it wouldnt be a good idea to hook up with her.