Compromising in Relationships

[Urbanyst]

How much compromising do most of you guys think is fair in a relationship?

I don't have issues meeting women, but I'm a big believer in natural compatibility. This means no one should have to change themselves much for anyone else. We should just get a long and if we don't then we should end it.

I haven't had a relationship last more than one year outside of a few ex girlfriends I got back together with and broke up with again. I get very turned off when women start to change and try to force the relationship to go in one direction or another. I don't feel like a relationship needs a road map. It should just flow naturally. I hate dumb questions like "Where is this going"?

The women I've dated start out very compatible, but after several months or a year they start trying to force things to move faster, which I don't believe in. That's when I tell them they should leave if they are not happy. Some will stick around only to play games and try to force me to do what they want. That's when I just go ahead and dump them.

I've had 12 girlfriends and slept with over 60 women. As I'm getting older I'm thinking I might never settle down. I have a serious problem with any kind of fake relationship that moves forward because the people are forcing it to work. Just seems stupid to me. I would rather be single.

How much do you guys compromise?

 

[Von]

Compromise is important

However, it should always be a compromise you enjoy... and that she enjoys....

You know the feeling that even in compromise you are going up

In your post, I read ''push things to move faster''.... I am 27 years old... all people my age or above, meet a girl and 9 months later she's pregnant or they ''engaged'' sometimes even both... I believe you refered to that.... in my opinion, you should know the persons before having ''long term engagement'' and 1 year is too short.

So you should always follow, your guts,

If you are really 32... you should allow them to move in with you (so you know you are compatible or not, cause living together gets you that)... but go at your own space for the rest (kids, marriage, buying a house together etc...).

Why? you wanna if it will last

 

[Roober]

Most LTRs/marriages exist because the woman got pregnant, otherwise many would be just like you. There is some amount of compromise that will take place. However, you shouldn't ever c9mpromise your purpose, goals, or who you are as a person. Waking up early because she wants to go for a run or something silly is not a deal breaker. Having a woman try to dissuade you away from pursuing something you are passionate about certainly is...

I would disagree on living together before marriage. I think a man should retain that freedom as long as possible.

 

[Paul_FR]

From my experience, you must compromise but not concede and change who you are just to please a oneitis on the long run.

I am no longer the guy I was 10 years ago as I have always conceded to keep her happy.

Result : I've ended up so unhappy that when I realized it I became lame and cheated.

Now I'm in a real mess but it's my full responsability.

My advice : don't change who you are for anybody or you'll end up digging your own grave.

 

[Urbanyst]

From my experience, you must compromise but not concede and change who you are just to please a oneitis on the long run.

I am no longer the guy I was 10 years ago as I have always conceded to keep her happy.

Result : I've ended up so unhappy that when I realized it I became lame and cheated.

Now I'm in a real mess but it's my full responsability.

My advice : don't change who you are for anybody or you'll end up digging your own grave.

I agree. Relationships are very exhausting when you can't be yourself. And its bad for your ego when you feel like the person will reject you if you don't live by their rules. I don't have the energy for it.

I get trashed for being in my 30's and never having a relationship last longer than a year. People tell me I must have issues. But I don't see why I should become another person just to make a relationship work. I think its desperate and it gives too much weight to the woman's priorities as if she is supposed to be better than me or something.