If the LTR split up is a bit out of the blue (for you) there is often no reason to blame yourself too much (unless you screwed it). Often there is lack of information on your side.
So, time to fill the gaps to get over your ex.
On an LTR break-up, the most difficult part are the common friends that were initially her friends she introduced you to. Initially you lose them.
Rule #1 after a break-up: never contact yourself the common friends in case they were initially her friends. Give it a cool down period. Wait.
Why? The moment they contact you, you are suddenly 100% legitimate to keep contact where your ex dissapears as the 'middle man'.
Those 'good guys/girls' keep contact with you because:
1/ they are smart enough to know your ex side of the story is not the only one. So they don't take her for granted (good thing).
2/ they still take you as you are and who you are (not because you are/were the boyfriend of)
3/ often THE reason: they know more about your ex than you and you should know it (because they value you in a positive way). You smell the sh1t here you were in but you didn't had a clue (she cheated in you, indeed, and more than once in worst case).
4/ they like you more than your ex
So, these common friends will give you a reality check by letting you know dirty details of your LTR you didn't know.
The real reasons you should only keep them as friends:
- because they became real friends and are added value to you as you are to them
- get an ego boost for yourself, because they still find you OK (break-up or not)
- get a reality check on your ex
- keep growing your social network
This shouldn't be the goal to keep these people as friends, but a nice side effect is:
1/ your ex becomes even more insecure and her 'super ego' is cranked in a legitimate way (hidden message: you are not so waaaw )
2/ she gets super jealous and will try to get in between again (up on you how to thread this)
So, time to fill the gaps to get over your ex.
On an LTR break-up, the most difficult part are the common friends that were initially her friends she introduced you to. Initially you lose them.
Rule #1 after a break-up: never contact yourself the common friends in case they were initially her friends. Give it a cool down period. Wait.
Why? The moment they contact you, you are suddenly 100% legitimate to keep contact where your ex dissapears as the 'middle man'.
Those 'good guys/girls' keep contact with you because:
1/ they are smart enough to know your ex side of the story is not the only one. So they don't take her for granted (good thing).
2/ they still take you as you are and who you are (not because you are/were the boyfriend of)
3/ often THE reason: they know more about your ex than you and you should know it (because they value you in a positive way). You smell the sh1t here you were in but you didn't had a clue (she cheated in you, indeed, and more than once in worst case).
4/ they like you more than your ex
So, these common friends will give you a reality check by letting you know dirty details of your LTR you didn't know.
The real reasons you should only keep them as friends:
- because they became real friends and are added value to you as you are to them
- get an ego boost for yourself, because they still find you OK (break-up or not)
- get a reality check on your ex
- keep growing your social network
This shouldn't be the goal to keep these people as friends, but a nice side effect is:
1/ your ex becomes even more insecure and her 'super ego' is cranked in a legitimate way (hidden message: you are not so waaaw )
2/ she gets super jealous and will try to get in between again (up on you how to thread this)
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