Commitment problem?

[shazbot man]

Hi.

I need a few words of encouragement. This may seen weird, but I am completely brave until the last second.
To understand, I have to tell you my story:

It all started last year. In my science class, I made an indirect habit being a smartass to the teacher. She resented it. But that has nothing to do with it.
I met a girl. You're thinking, 'Oh great, another heart-throb story that'll probably be a movie script in a year.'
Thats what I thought.
We talked. We joked. We shared some of the same friends, though we had never met before. With those same friends we walked home, and had a good time.
I knew her older brother, a fellow classmate. We were friends and spent more time coming up with crazy pranks than working in our accounting class. :crackup:
I stayed friends with both of them, up until the school year ended.

Over the summer I worked a steady(well, part time) job, messed around with some girls, and hung out with my close friends. It was great.
Then school started up.
A Senior, I prowled the halls, soaking up the glory. Every class a piece of cake, every teacher a joke.
Then, when second semester began, I saw her. I was in the middle of a really ripe joke with some friends, and she walked by. She hadn't changed much, but for some reason I noticed her more.
It turned out we had a similar 2nd semester class. We caught up, and joked a bit. She mentioned her brother was in England. 'Where?' I asked.
She named a town in her purrish voice(no lie).
It was the same town I had lived in for a while. She said her brother was involved in charity work. She had visited. We knew some of the same places, and even joked about the same horrible fish'n'chip restaurant.
Then came a small school dance. I didn't know it then, but I think I was beginning to like her.
I saw her dancing, and my heart leapt. She was dancing with a friend of hers(he's gay, but alright).
When the music stopped, I came up and talked. We danced together when the music started up again. It was great.

Our friendship grew, and we both made it a habit of never missing the class we shared. Neither of us had said anything, but I think we both felt close.
Four weeks ago, our class broke up into pairs to do reports. She walked to me and, shyly(which wasn't normally), asked me to be her partner. I agreed.
The project went well, and everyday we spent more time talking to each other than doing anything else. She also started dressing more sexy in that class(I kidd you not!).
By then, I ran the class. Literally. The teacher let me joke all I wanted. When she asked for volunteers to read something they'd done, no one would. So I'd look at someone and say, "(Insert name) has something to say." Bam! That person'd look at me, then the teacher, then start talking.
The girl and me gave our report in front of the class, and we did great. She watched me, and when I looked back she would stare for a few seconds, then glance away while blushing. It was like a movie!
When our presentation was over, only a few people clapped. So I said, "Hey people. let's get a little more excitement. Get clapping." That encouraged them.
People later even said that I ran the class more than the teacher.

So, with this girl solidly good in all ways, and us being very good friends, I got thinking I should ask her out.
But now, even with so much confidence to do all I've done(I can't list most of it, since...you get the idea), I can't bring myself to ask her.
A part of me thinks that if I ask her, and she says no, then I may damage our friendship. Another part of me is afraid I'd mess it up if we dated, and make her unhappy.
And another part of me is saying: "Hey! Idiot! Why are you thinking so much? Fear? Popularity? That all dies. A good partner lasts, and the memories you have, you 'till the day you die. And even if it doesn't work, you'll still have the good memories."

So that's it. Silly? Maybe. When my best friend had a similar problem, I joked a bit, then told him to grow a pair. He went in, and they've been together since.
I just don't know why I'm stopping now. A friend says I have a fear of commitment.

What say you?

 

[PocketGnome]

It seems to me that you've got nothing to be afraid of man. Plus, I was reading some stuff yesterday about rejection, and this quote stuck with me.

"Regret is far worse than rejection."

If you don't ask her, you'll never get anywhere. If you do ask, and she rejects you, then you will know the rest of your life that it wouldn't have worked out.

You seem relatively comfortable around her.. Don't worry about it man.

 

[adit]

You have to ask yourself what you're afraid of.Is it that you may damage your friendship?Is it that you're scared you'll mess up on the date?

If it's the first one,then don't ask her out as a 'boyfriend'.Just ask her out in general terms,like 'hey Im going to the fish-n-chips cafe and I dont want to put myself in danger by going alone.What if I choke on a fishbone and die?I feel like visiting that place,its been a while.Ill see you there in an hour ok?'

There,you've asked her out and you haven't really made it a date.Once you're out,do all sorts of kino,touch her hair and finally find out if she's willing to kiss you.Isf she resists,she's only seeing you as a friend and as a guy who can help her get through her class problems.Pretend that nothing happened if she resists your kiss,just let it fly by.If she does let you kiss her,then she's in.

Now if you're scared you'll screw up if you ask her out on a date,then just do what I've written above here.Its not a date,but lets you know your chances with the girl.

Remember,if you're not willing to take your chances with a girl,then you can forget being in a relationship with her.No girl who's your friend right now would come to you and ask,'Hey you wanna be my boyfriend'.If you want something done,you have to take the initiative.

Cheers!

 

[cubed]

I think all you can do is screw up some courage and ask her. As PocketGnome said, the regret you will feel from not asking her will be much worse than a rejection. Besides, from what I've read, she seems to like you too. Do it.

Tell us what happened, 'kay?

 

[kev me723]

Commitment is HARD to step into, i know what you mean, but once your in and used to it, you're fine, assuming she's good at it too. It can be good stuff. I would at least make some physical/sexual moves before actually asking her out. If you've done that already, you're good to go. Just do what feels right man, picture each scenario, and pick the best one.

 

[shazbot man]

UPDATE!

I've been doing a good job flirting with her since I made this thread. Things have gone well, and she's definitely interested.
Problem is, and I forgot to mention, she's going on a vaction for two weeks. She's gone right now. Won't be back 'till early April. Visiting family out yonder. We agreed to hook up when she got back.

While asking her out, a question exploded in my mind: why haven't I got a car?
Now, like some families, mine was hit a bit by 9-11. My dad lost his job, and I couldn't get work(even part-time). Finally I got a job about a year ago. But I don't have a lot of money saved up. Only a grand.
The town I live in is a nice, small town. The kind of place people like to raise their kids. Most everything is within walking distance.

I don't think I can afford a car, so should I worry? Is it a big deal, at least for now? The girl in question wouldn't mind about me being carless, but I still wonder if it makes me look bad to not have a car when my friends do. And I have to much pride to admit my family's financial problems.

What do you all think?

 

[applaya]

I was in a very similar situation my senior year. That story reminded me of it very much. I asked her out and am very happy I did. Even though she was my friend after we started going out she said that she hoped that I would ask her out and was glad when I did.

GO FOR IT. then let us know how it goes.

 

[shazbot man]

So, uh, she's still on vacation.

I was going to ask her out the first time I see her back. Good idea?

Also, she's a shy girl. Anything I should be careful about doing, or should I just impress her with my male charm?

 

[Mr_rogers]

So, uh, she's still on vacation.

I was going to ask her out the first time I see her back. Good idea?

Also, she's a shy girl. Anything I should be careful about doing, or should I just impress her with my male charm?

I wouldn't leap right into it the first time you see her. Maybe wait a day or so after her return, just to let her get settled in. As for her being shy... There's nothing wrong with being charming, but don't come on too strong for her. Make a move, and if she looks too uncomfortable, lay off just a bit until she becomes a little more willing. *shrugs* At least that makes sense to me, but I'm new here.

 

[shydude]

Well the best gift u can give a women is being her friend! And Sometimes women needs more than a friend, thats as she likes u. She might not even think u like her, she might think u like her as a friend to talk to. U r the man, and u have to make the choice. If u really like her, then u should make the choice that u wanna make. If u havent made the desicion on how u see her, then i guess the best choice is to have her as a friend. If she rejects u, she will still be ur friend. if she will not reject u, then she is one step closer to u.

 

[shazbot man]

Thanks for all the advice, fellas. I've got to remember to be calm, but that should be easy. My friends say I'm the only one who can keep cool when the tire on a car comes off(happened once, funny story).

Now I've got to relax before I see her again. But waitings the hardest part, eh?
I can't stop thinking about her, and the time we spend together.

I'll keep you all updated with what happens.