College

[Stud]

i recently went to orientation for a mid size school about 40 minutes away from where i live. i have a couple of aquaintances who are going there, but no real friends. Essentially, i figured i would meet people easily, but this was not the case. My guess was there were about 250-300 kids at this orientation, i probably talked to maybe 10 people, and thats being generous, i only managed to get 1 number for a person to hang out with in the fall.

what i'm asking for is a basic rundown of how to be more social. i have a decent amount of friends here at home, but i'm hoping in college my social life will expand exponentially. i always envisioned myself as being friends with everyone, always invited places, etc., but i want to make this a reality. my personality now is sort of the groups "jerk". i am the guy in groups who makes the funny, but hurtful comment to others. please help me redirect my witty jokes so they are nonoffensive and help me build friendships.

 

[Heyjose25points]

I can answer some questions for ya, as I was in the same boat. Here are some possibilities.

#1 Clubs-try to be involved with many clubs on campus(Going Greek could be a possibility , as a matter a fact, Frat Guys and Jocks are the most sociable.

#2 Talk to some guys who look like they got social proof. From my experience, in college, the ones with the biggest social proof are: Frat Guys ,Jocks, and ROTC guys. Bulking up helps, as more people will respect you. Just remember that if u meet some frat guys or high social proof guys, a few might be asses so watch out.

#3 This one is risky, as ur grades can lower.(mine did ) SCHOOLWORK comes First. Go to many parties. If you are a frequent flyer, people will recognize u, and that will give u some status. Happened to me, as some females told me, when i was spitting my game, that they've seen me before. Oh yea, trust me on this one, always go with atleast 1 or more persons(I most of the time went alone, and wish i went with a few guys), because if u go to a party alone, and don't talk to anyone(Just stand there), u'll be looked upon as a loser.

#4 On opening day, try to meet as many people who live in ur dorm hall as you can. A perfect way to get some friends. But don't be desperate(Like i was) and you'll do fine.

#5 Talk to people in ur classroom, when its not in session.

#6 Get some HB friends, and that right there gets u social proof(Only if u don't want follow them, they follow you)

Funny thing is that i've seen all this, and yet only have done #3,#4, and #5 but have seen the others so many times.

 

[Heyjose25points]

I can answer some questions for ya, as I was in the same boat. Here are some possibilities.

#1 Clubs-try to be involved with many clubs on campus(Going Greek could be a possibility , as a matter a fact, Frat Guys and Jocks are the most sociable.

#2 Talk to some guys who look like they got social proof. From my experience, in college, the ones with the biggest social proof are: Frat Guys ,Jocks, and ROTC guys. Bulking up helps, as more people will respect you. Just remember that if u meet some frat guys or high social proof guys, a few might be asses so watch out.

#3 This one is risky, as ur grades can lower.(mine did ) SCHOOLWORK comes First. Go to many parties. If you are a frequent flyer, people will recognize u, and that will give u some status. Happened to me, as some females told me, when i was spitting my game, that they've seen me before. Oh yea, trust me on this one, always go with atleast 1 or more persons(I most of the time went alone, and wish i went with a few guys), because if u go to a party alone, and don't talk to anyone(Just stand there), u'll be looked upon as a loser.

#4 On opening day, try to meet as many people who live in ur dorm hall as you can. A perfect way to get some friends. But don't be desperate(Like i was) and you'll do fine.

#5 Talk to people in ur classroom, when its not in session.

#6 Get some HB friends, and that right there gets u social proof(Only if u don't want follow them, they follow you)

Funny thing is that i've seen all this, and yet only have done #3,#4, and #5 but have seen the others so many times.

Hope this helps

 

[Interpol]

Heyjose's tips were pretty accurate...The two things I would emphasize the most:

1. Approach as many people as possible within the first two weeks. This is a very special time period because everyone (guys and girls) is trying to make friends and acquaintances, so they'll be very open to you just starting a conversation. After 2 weeks or so, people start to settle into their own groups of friends and it will be much more difficult to approach.

2. Find another 2 or 3 guys who like to go out and go to as many parties as you possibly can while still keeping up with your grades...This is how you get involved in the social scene and build up social proof. If people always see you at parties with a crowd of people around you, they assume that you're someone important worth getting to know, which is half the battle when it comes to picking up girls in college.

 

[Stud]

my question is..what do you talk to guys about? approaching girls and throwing complete BS to girls is one thing, but how do just approach guys?

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by Stud
my question is..what do you talk to guys about? approaching girls and throwing complete BS to girls is one thing, but how do just approach guys?

Try to find guys who have common interests, whether it be music, sports, whatever.

This is another reason I'd suggest to rush a frat (even if you don't pledge) because it takes a lot of the awkardness out of meeting guys.

 

[Stud]

thanks man, anyone else have any tips for making friends when you go to a college by yourself?

 

[thefonz]

Just be prepared to become more INDEPENDENT than you have ever been in you're life

Throughout gradeschool you always knew who your friends were and always had the same scripted routine to follow in your daily life ie. wake up, see buddies sitting at same table in morning, go to class, talk to girfriend in halls, go to class, go to soccer practice, go home.

College campuses have a little more randomness involved in that you are no longer in such a structured enviroment (don't run in the halls, 5 minutes until the bell rings, no drinks allowed in this room).....this means, it's up to you to be active, get to class, get good grades, and make new friends

DJ Bootcamp may be something to think about if you've never been much of a social butterfly because alot of the friends and acquiantances you make will be based on your own INTIATION of introducing yourself (unless your a johnny depp lookalike).....you need to be a bit of a politian the first few weeks going around getting to know people cus there will be lots of kids on the campus and you have to find a way to stick out.

Don't worry, it's a change of lifestyle but you'll get used to it.

 

[Stud]

i hear what you're saying. how did you find your way of "sticking out", as you put it? i'm really going to try to make this work. i never had many friends in high school until my junior/senior years, and i dont want to go through 2 more years of sitting home and alone on weekend nights.

 

[thefonz]

Well I probably shouldn't have said "stick out" cus that may cause some desperation in your attempts....and one of the most unattractive things in college is desperation, but at the same time you don't wanna go down the "too cool to care" road cus that's just as bad.

Like I said, DJ bootcamp would be my best advice man. Give it a go. You seem to be a perfect canidate, it will give you that mindset of I need to get out there and meet people and challenge myself, a PERFECT attitude to have on your first day. Not to sound trite but focus on your strengths and build them cus that is much better than faking a personality. I can't tell you how to stick out cus I don't know you, you know better than me what you're good at.