Hey guys,
Learned a lot from these forums and others...thanks for the discussions.
Here's an interesting situation...maybe you guys can help.
Met a girl at dinner with some other work friends...she's a couple of years out of college. Probably an HB7 or HB8...comes from a super strict family. We got along pretty well, she was clearly interested. The next week we went out to dinner...we had some fun conversation and I thought it went pretty well. Did not kiss close, just a hug.
The next week we went to a nice restaurant on a double date with a couple (my friends). Again, nice place, nice conversation, etc.
Well looking back it was at this point that she started flaking on me. We went back to my friend's house to hang out and she claimed she had a headache and had to go when we got back.
Over the next few weeks I IM'd or called every so often to see if she wanted to go out again and she would give really specific excuses, but wouldn't counteroffer. Also didn't actively IM or call me, although she's pretty passive so I wasn't real surprised by that. Unfortunately she was really friendly otherwise when we talked in IM or in person so I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but didn't write her off immediately because I thought things had been going well. Of course I was also out of town for a bit during the holidays so I didn't follow up during that time either.
Well, I stopped by her area to chat about 3 weeks later and she said hey want to grab lunch? Ate lunch with her and some of her friends. So I thought, great, guess she really was just busy with the holidays.
Then the next week, I IM'd her to see if she wanted to hang out sometime the next couple of nights. First night, she had a legitimate excuse, the second...said she had to go the gym. I next'ed her instantly at that point...and man, I was fuming inside but there's no point in showing that. I was real positive and told her that was fine and have a great day.
I'm kind of mad about this because I didn't follow up on another girl because I thought it was going really well with this one. I guess it's my fault for thinking that way. My friends who we went out with on the second date said they didn't see anything wrong.
What I keep kicking myself over is that her friends were trying really hard to set her up with me...they thought we were great together, and even with that social proof I somehow blew it. I'm not going to write out a blow by blow of the dates here so I guess you're not going to get a full idea of how the dates went but even though I didn't think I screwed things up, I must have, right? What the hell happened?
Now for the latest part. I'm in her area again the other day, and say hi...we chat for a bit, turns out she's moving to an area farther away. Then she suggests that I should stop by and have lunch with her sometime over there. WTF?
My other friends (not our common friends) think she is playing games unconsciously with all the mixed signals initially and the wanting to grab lunch together thing. I don't know what to think. So first of all, would like opinions on the above and what happened.
Anyway, I am spinning some other plates right now...don't have oneitis here, but for my own practice I'd like to see if I can recover here. So second...tell me if the following sounds appropriate to try and recover from this, or if I should just next her completely.
First of all, I'm planning on waiting a few weeks. Then I'll invite her to have lunch. But, when we're scheduled to meet, I'll bring one of my hotter female friends (pivot, whatever) along to join us. I'll neg hit the target a couple of times during lunch and focus mostly on talking to the friend I brought along instead of her (obviously not so much as to be blatantly rude).
Finally, I'll wrap up lunch and snap it back in the other direction by suggesting that I'll definitely call the target next week to hang out / grab dinner / whatever. That will keep her wondering when I'm going to contact her all week. But I'm not actually planning on calling at all.
Opinions? Too much DLV on her? Or is that about right? I have no problem next'ing her either at this point as she totally strung me along. We have common friends so if I don't call her the week after, we'll probably run into each other in the future...hopefully with myself on more solid footing. Meanwhile, will spin other plates. =)
Learned a lot from these forums and others...thanks for the discussions.
Here's an interesting situation...maybe you guys can help.
Met a girl at dinner with some other work friends...she's a couple of years out of college. Probably an HB7 or HB8...comes from a super strict family. We got along pretty well, she was clearly interested. The next week we went out to dinner...we had some fun conversation and I thought it went pretty well. Did not kiss close, just a hug.
The next week we went to a nice restaurant on a double date with a couple (my friends). Again, nice place, nice conversation, etc.
Well looking back it was at this point that she started flaking on me. We went back to my friend's house to hang out and she claimed she had a headache and had to go when we got back.
Over the next few weeks I IM'd or called every so often to see if she wanted to go out again and she would give really specific excuses, but wouldn't counteroffer. Also didn't actively IM or call me, although she's pretty passive so I wasn't real surprised by that. Unfortunately she was really friendly otherwise when we talked in IM or in person so I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but didn't write her off immediately because I thought things had been going well. Of course I was also out of town for a bit during the holidays so I didn't follow up during that time either.
Well, I stopped by her area to chat about 3 weeks later and she said hey want to grab lunch? Ate lunch with her and some of her friends. So I thought, great, guess she really was just busy with the holidays.
Then the next week, I IM'd her to see if she wanted to hang out sometime the next couple of nights. First night, she had a legitimate excuse, the second...said she had to go the gym. I next'ed her instantly at that point...and man, I was fuming inside but there's no point in showing that. I was real positive and told her that was fine and have a great day.
I'm kind of mad about this because I didn't follow up on another girl because I thought it was going really well with this one. I guess it's my fault for thinking that way. My friends who we went out with on the second date said they didn't see anything wrong.
What I keep kicking myself over is that her friends were trying really hard to set her up with me...they thought we were great together, and even with that social proof I somehow blew it. I'm not going to write out a blow by blow of the dates here so I guess you're not going to get a full idea of how the dates went but even though I didn't think I screwed things up, I must have, right? What the hell happened?
Now for the latest part. I'm in her area again the other day, and say hi...we chat for a bit, turns out she's moving to an area farther away. Then she suggests that I should stop by and have lunch with her sometime over there. WTF?
My other friends (not our common friends) think she is playing games unconsciously with all the mixed signals initially and the wanting to grab lunch together thing. I don't know what to think. So first of all, would like opinions on the above and what happened.
Anyway, I am spinning some other plates right now...don't have oneitis here, but for my own practice I'd like to see if I can recover here. So second...tell me if the following sounds appropriate to try and recover from this, or if I should just next her completely.
First of all, I'm planning on waiting a few weeks. Then I'll invite her to have lunch. But, when we're scheduled to meet, I'll bring one of my hotter female friends (pivot, whatever) along to join us. I'll neg hit the target a couple of times during lunch and focus mostly on talking to the friend I brought along instead of her (obviously not so much as to be blatantly rude).
Finally, I'll wrap up lunch and snap it back in the other direction by suggesting that I'll definitely call the target next week to hang out / grab dinner / whatever. That will keep her wondering when I'm going to contact her all week. But I'm not actually planning on calling at all.
Opinions? Too much DLV on her? Or is that about right? I have no problem next'ing her either at this point as she totally strung me along. We have common friends so if I don't call her the week after, we'll probably run into each other in the future...hopefully with myself on more solid footing. Meanwhile, will spin other plates. =)