Challenges of a Boy! I present to you, give me a solution!

[Abnigh9]

Hey I got a challenge for you guys.
I want to hear what you guys have to say for this "Boy" if you met him in real life, starting the conversation from "Hi".
I want to know what you guys would do if you were him.

Two questions.
And please, speak from reality/experience, not philosophies. I need reality. I want possibilities too! Thanks!

Why am I doing this? The sole purpose... well two purpose, I'm bored, I'm happy (basically free of financial trouble) and just want to learn more and two, my kids. I fear for my kids.

Well let's get it on with the "story".

I present a "Boy" name Johnny who is only 17. He is still in high school and he has not changed much. He's very smart but no so good looking.
In fact, he has braces on. He's only 5'5 (the average height of men I believe) and he needs glasses but doesn't like to wear them (or doesn't). He's also hard of hearing (but he wears the one you cannot see). He stutters sometime and has trouble with his speech (no, nothing wrong with his physical part, just like stutters or freeze up). He's an introvert and is shy as you can tell. But he is willing to try to get girls and be able to have sex with the girls on the first day (yes! this is possible!).

Here's the thing, he tries his best to change the way he dress (in fact, he follows a trend; urban wears~ eckos, sean john, etc).
He tries to work out and stumbles upon www.bodybuilding.com (I'm making this person up and the site up, so don't take it upon me; the site don't work and there is no such person so don't bother try to click on it or search for such person )

He is not getting any tang as he wants (he wants quick ONS basically), what is he doing wrong? He also doesn't have any friends in terms of general circles, all the people he just say hi and bye with and that's it. In school, he's always in the front because of sight and hearing and he ignores everyone else when he can.

Thanks! To those who participated!

 

[So pimp its scary]

I would take this boy out on the town, and show him firsthand how game works. Much better then anything that I could write... and less chance of being misinterpretted.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

A wise man once said,"Its not where you're from, its where you're at." With that having been said...

I moved around several times before I graduated High School. Between fourth grade and freshman year I had a rare period where my family stayed in one place for a few years. I was a really awkward little guy who up until that point fought way too much and didn't have too many friends. I didn't take care of myself either. My clothes sucked. I didn't wash my hair or brush my teeth all the time. On top of that, I was completely anti-social. I had no self-respect and I showed it, huge. It took me until eighth grade and my first girl friend for me to settle down and take care of myself.

It should be noted that I was actually able to curry some romantic interest, but nothing worth cultivating. I defy any of you to find a bigger AFC, or a bigger loser. I was able to turn myself around, but I still had that stigma and reputation to deal with.

I moved two time zones away and all of a sudden here were all these cute girls who were interested and talking to me now. (I'm not ugly, but I was still the social equivalent of a dysfunctional six year old) I took ROTC while I was there and threw myself into it. Sabre guard, Drill team, Color Guard, you name it I was involved. I was working out, looking good, and doing very well. This basically gave me more confidence in myself and in relation to others. Its amazing what a uniform will do for you with the ladies too. I'm not suggesting he needs to join the Army, but he needs to found an outlet to express himself and gain confidence in himself. ROTC provided that for me and the next couple places I moved I ran with it and tried new things...

Their were still some growing pains, but from there I generally only got better and I haven't looked back ever since. Its been several years later and I bet no one I knew from fourth to eighth grade would recognize me now.

Moral of the story, sometimes it takes nothing less than a complete change of environment and a brand new start to facilitate the type of dramatic change necessary to go from punk to hunk. He needs to find another identity. If he can't make one, borrow one and keep the elements he likes when he moves on to the next one until finally, after so many transformations, he is confident enough in himself to be himself and no one else.

And as we all know, confidence is sexy.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[HuuBinh]

the reality is that this boy will probably never get as much ass as he would like. Ons is expescially more difficult bc its primarily dependent on looks which he doesn't have. He can work-out and improve all he wants, these things may boost his confidence and feel more comfortable around women, but it's no guarantee that he'll get laid. What he has to offer in terms of what women want isn't sufficient, therefore self-improvement as a result of those insufficiencies will only have a minor effect on his success rate.

 

[Abnigh9]

HuuBinh
So can you kindly answer the first question?
What can he do to increase his success level? We know he will workout and wants to change the way his basis look (hairstyle, etc). we also know he'll join a club.

CyranoDeBererac
Whoa, you are some lucky guy to move around. "It's not where you're from, it's where you're at". That's really moving, I have to explain this!

So if I'm not wrong, what you're saying is, what his current status and identity, he has to change it, right? He has to, think, instead of "damn it's hard", he has to think "hah! that was just another girl, NEXT", something like this, right?

When you say borrow identity, what do you mean??

SPIS
Well haha, I think we all would... well cool. I should do that with my kids.

For all
I'm trying to relate this a little bit to my kids, just trying to see how it can see-fit-work.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by Abnigh9
CyranoDeBererac
Whoa, you are some lucky guy to move around. "It's not where you're from, it's where you're at". That's really moving, I have to explain this!

So if I'm not wrong, what you're saying is, what his current status and identity, he has to change it, right? He has to, think, instead of "damn it's hard", he has to think "hah! that was just another girl, NEXT", something like this, right?

When you say borrow identity, what do you mean??

For all
I'm trying to relate this a little bit to my kids, just trying to see how it can see-fit-work.

Okay so the man is going to join a club (which I take as a health club) and that's cool.

He has three things to contend with here, and only one of them is major. His main problem here, the stuttering, the shyness, the cumpulsion to blend into the crowd instead of making his own way...all of these are just manifestations of his own painful insecurities. Over the years, his lack of success and his self-concept regarding himself has made him one walking talking nervous tick. THIS is the biggest thing he has to overcome. You can make up for a lack of looks through confidence and good character. Either get some stylish glasses or some contacts and that problem is solved. That can all be overcome almost ludicrously easy. It's his self concept that needs the work.

That's why I suggested the 'change of identity'. All this means is that you consciously try to develop or invalidate the weaker aspects of yourself and enhancing the good ones. When I said 'borrow' I meant he might try to glean the good traits off of people he admires and express them in his own way, have real life role models for certain traits. Right now he's this awkward, goofy looking quiet guy with a stutter. He's already tried to mold his identity as far as working out and changing his 'style' clothes-wise, so its basically akin to that in the sense that he'll be molding and projecting his social demeanor.

He needs to find an outlet which allows him to excell to build his confidence and he needs to broaden his social horizons. That's what ROTC did for me. I've also taken public speaking and debate which I would highly recommend if he has a stutter because after he has been mortified in front of others once or twice, he'll inevitable become more comfortable talking and performing for people. Becoming involved with para-student organizations or teams and volunteering for particular causes also helps. What all of these do is allow him to put himself out there with poeple he might not already know, and present himself in a different light to those he does. He will also benefit from their association and gain some talking points and develop his personality when he's talking to women.

Basically he has needs to find a niche and work it for a while until he's comfortable and successful enough to reaffirm his self-image. Above all, you must remember this...You can be laid without being gorgeous. You can't get laid without being self-assured.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Oxide]

*Oxide walks in*

Interesting stuff... now put some good grooves on (The Roots!) and lets hear this man speak.


Alright, well you can sit and cry.. or u can go and try,
to reinvent yourself, but baby dont cry!
Glasses are for suckers brother, get some contacts,
Dont worry 'bout braces, they make some nice faces
light up with a beautiful smile that attracts, and if you got one
your in luck that's a fact!
All the clothes that you pay for might work for some,
but do you ENJOY wearing that stuff?
No wonder you stutter, cheer up and be smarter
Go find someone to talk to, and flow like butter
Dont worry about what society thinks,
There is always someone talking ****.
Keep your head up, dont worry 'bout ONS
You still got a far way to go.
You need to develop your convo skills
GO out and do some Boot camp drills
Come back in a month, or may be in two
Your future and happiness depend just on you.


-Ox

 

[Abnigh9]

Originally posted by CyranoDeBergerac
Okay so the man is going to join a club (which I take as a health club) and that's cool.

He has three things to contend with here, and only one of them is major. His main problem here, the stuttering, the shyness, the cumpulsion to blend into the crowd instead of making his own way...all of these are just manifestations of his own painful insecurities.

Ok things for him to change, the color of his clothes and brand.
Stutter, talk more, even if it means talking to himself more.
Shyness? What can he really do?

Over the years, his lack of success and his self-concept regarding himself has made him one walking talking nervous tick. THIS is the biggest thing he has to overcome. You can make up for a lack of looks through confidence and good character.

Either get some stylish glasses or some contacts and that problem is solved.

That can all be overcome almost ludicrously easy. It's his self concept that needs the work.

That's why I suggested the 'change of identity'. All this means is that you consciously try to develop or invalidate the weaker aspects of yourself and enhancing the good ones. When I said 'borrow' I meant he might try to glean the good traits off of people he admires and express them in his own way, have real life role models for certain traits.

Right now he's this awkward, goofy looking quiet guy with a stutter. He's already tried to mold his identity as far as working out and changing his 'style' clothes-wise, so its basically akin to that in the sense that he'll be molding and projecting his social demeanor.

He needs to find an outlet which allows him to excell to build his confidence and he needs to broaden his social horizons. That's what ROTC did for me.

ROTC?

I've also taken public speaking and debate which I would highly recommend if he has a stutter because after he has been mortified in front of others once or twice, he'll inevitable become more comfortable talking and performing for people.

Interesting, getting dissed and hurt only bounds to make him stronger. I get it. So I'll just push my son out of the house and tell him to get dissed more.. eventually he'll come to his anger and learn and figure out what's wrong and change. I see.

Becoming involved with para-student organizations or teams and volunteering for particular causes also helps. What all of these do is allow him to put himself out there with poeple he might not already know, and present himself in a different light to those he does. He will also benefit from their association and gain some talking points and develop his personality when he's talking to women.

What would you say for a kid whose dropped out of school?

Basically he has needs to find a niche and work it for a while until he's comfortable and successful enough to reaffirm his self-image. Above all, you must remember this...You can be laid without being gorgeous. You can't get laid without being self-assured.

-CyranoDeBergerac [/QUOTE]