Can't sleep, need advice

[MikeYikes122]

I've mulled over the last couple of days whether or not I want to post this on here because I don't want to be 'that guy'. But since I can't sleep I have plenty of opportunity to ask for advice.

So I've moved back to the town I went to college in for a job/post-grad work and have been here for about a month and a half. I am only a year removed from my graduation, so I have been seeing a ton of old friends/familiar faces. Most importantly among them was a girl who I used to talk up in one of my classes when I was an undergrad. The term HB 10 gets tossed around here a lot, but if there was ever a girl who was deserving of the title it's her. She is ridiculously hot and is pretty easy to talk to.

Anyway, about a year and a half ago I had the type of rapport with her where I'd call her/text with her, but I was never able to get her to hook up with me, partly because she always had an exclusive boyfriend (more on that later). Eventually, I deleted her phone number and kept the small talk with her when I ran into her to a minimum because I felt like I shouldn't have been wasting my time with her any longer.

Just this past weekend I ran into her out at the bars, and she was hammered. I played it cool when I first saw her, walked by her field of vision, didn't acknowledge her or look at her and continued with my friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her look at me and then look down like she didn't want to get caught staring. My friends and I started talking up some girls in the adjacent corner of the bar. Eventually, me and my friends finished with the girls in the corner and walked back by the HB10 again. I kept my attention focused ahead of me and never even glanced at her. She ran out in front of me, pressed herself on me and asked me to take a picture of her and her friends. I obliged and pretended like she was just some random chick who needed a picture taken. She then grabbed my chest, called me by full name and said something else to me that isn't important. I pretended further like I didn't remember completely who she was and I called her Sarah (I knew full-well her name was not Sarah, I just say that to all really hot girls I encounter in this fashion.)

Anyway, she responded by kissing me on the lips/cheek, reminding me of her full name and putting her number in my cell phone. I played it off like I was a little weirded out by her forwardness, but that I kind of remembered who she was. Now, she has given me her number in similar fashion before - the first time when I was an undergrad she put her phone number in my phone and I was hammered too, causing us to make out instead of her just kissing me. But I didn't quite have as much experience then and I think I made some mistakes, especially considering she had a boyfriend.

My question is, what do I do now? I'm leaning towards just sending her a text on Saturday that says "I'm going to be out at X bar at 10:30 pm". Something along those lines. I don't want this to get where it was when we were undergrads where there was a lot of talk but little action.

I also wanted to bring something else up. Where we went to school, the members of our basketball team are like celebrities. She used to date the star of the team, and I actually kind of knew the kid and he was dating her semi-exclusively for over a year, like he only had one girl on the side the entire time really. That is actually pretty astounding considering the way we treat basketball players on our campus. Anyway, he was drafted into the NBA last summer and I guess it only took him two weeks of being at summer camp in his new city for him to completely forget about her and just starting ignoring her.

Now, I know I should never qualify myself, and I know I offer a lot more than that jerk off does. But it's hard not to think in the back of my mind about her having dated essentially the most desirable guy on campus. I bring a lot to the table, but I don't bring fortune and fame. Any ideas what I should do if his name comes up when I'm out with her? I'm thinking about saying something like "Oh yeah, are they at least letting him look at the floor now?" because he rides the bench for the team he plays on and has really only ever played like 20 minutes in his entire NBA career.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[joekerr31]

heres some advice...

1) its not what you bring to her, its what she brings to you. stop thinking of her as the prize just cuz she is hot and dated some dude that ended up in the nba. you do realize the WORST thing you can do is put a chic on a pedastle and that is EXACTLY what you are doing. perhaps you aren't doing when you are face to face with her, but in your own mind you are.

2) spin plates! if you were spinning plates you wouldn't be all concerned over this ONE chic.

3) ask her out. stop beating around the bush and just get it over with. if she says yes, great. if she says no - move on. nothing is worse than debating something over and over in your head for days on end. asking a chic out is like pulling a band aid off - you can either do it slowly or quickly.

as for this guys nba status. who cares. being in the nba doesnt suddenly make you a better lover or a better person etc. all it does it let you hook the superficial gold digger groupies.

 

[Sinistar]

Another friggin' TXT messager - bleck!

Wussie, AFC, beta's TXT. It is the path perceived to have the least painful rejection yet the quickest turnaround time which solves the problem of impatience.

I think you should have kissed her back, the kind of kiss that would have left her thinking about you until she heard back from you. You blew that, no point in dwelling on it now.

Mostly likely, you just threw a wrench in her works by not responding to her. Basically she LJBF'd you a while back (or at best considered you a interim branch). When you walked by her twice your game was strong!!! She had to do something to ensure she could still garner your attention. In doing so she temporarily yielded the frame to you.

Back to TXT's. Be a MAN. Call her next week on a Monday or Tuesday. Just call once. Be c0cky and set something up. If she doesn't call back you have your answer. TXT'ing her the night of (ie Saturday for Saturday) just broadcasts that you have no other options. And it's possible (if she does show up) it will be with friends (more difficult to isolate) and you'll fall into that old pattern. Fortunately you have enough time between you now (ie months???) where there's a chance (albiet small) that you can re-do your frame with her.

Oh yeah, you've probably read it here many times. You keep getting what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done. The aloof thing really threw her (as it would just about any HB9'er) so why not continue being aloof and mysterious.

And the end of your post hinted at a tad of rescuer/savior sh!t (ie the other guy was a jerk, I'd be better for her ... yawn). Drop that crap. Either you want her or you don't. The other dude is history. You are the prize. If she's lucky, she'll catch you and rock your world

 

[Bible_Belt]

Would she still be a "10" if she were your gf and still getting sh!tfaced at bars? Just be careful of putting her on a pedastal. It's an easy mistake to make. She obviously does not want that, because her last bf was not fully interested in her. Obviously that guy did not idolize her, because he was dating other girls and has dumped her now. But apparently, this is what she likes, so be like that guy.

And don't try to AMOG him or put him down around her. It's way too transparent. Hell, act like the guy's biggest fan. nlp anchoring and the power of association say that talking about him will make her have feelings for you.

 

[Colossus]

First of all, girls like the one you describe never have a shortage of others pining for their time.

Secondly, dont text her. Giver her a call a few days before the weekend and just flat out ask her, like its the most casual thing in the world for you. If she is really interested she'll meet you.

A lot of guys here pump the whole 'creating interest' thing, but im more with the old AntiDump philosophy: IL first, not later. Dont waste effort trying to create what isnt there to begin with.

As for nba dude, who cares?! I wouldnt even acknowledge his existence. You have no shoes to fill. You are YOU, so pi$$ on him.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I liked a lot of what you guys had to say.

Just wanted to stress first that I haven't put her on a pedestal of any sort. I made that mistake last time and like I said I have grown past it. When I was an undergrad I was a lot less experienced and the whole time I kept thinking to myself, "Wow this is the star basketball player's girlfriend, what does she want with me?" Obviously, I know now that is not the correct way to deal with her.

Also, one of you brought up something about me having a savior complex. I'm not looking to save this girl from anything, just looking to hook up with her. I didn't mean to give that impression. I don't even know her that well, just that she liked the way I acted in class and accosted me one night a year and a half ago. I can think of four girls who I would consider having a relationship with and none of them live within 100 miles of my current home - i.e. she definitely isn't one of them.

I disagree that I played the whole kiss wrong. Think about it. If a girl who was undesirable walked up to you and tried to kiss up on you like that you'd be repulsed and tell her to back off. How many guys have rejected this chick like that? Probably none. That was a good way of showing her she didn't matter to me, in my opinion and telling her she had to work for something like a kiss. I was making myself the prize. Kissing her back would have done the opposite, because I wouldn't take that from just any chick. So why take it form her?

I left this out, but when I walked away from her I stopped the shot girl, who I am kind of just friends with, and talked her up for about 10 minutes or so. I use her at this particular bar for situations like these. She is attractive, but is taller than me and really isn't my type. Still, it's good to have her there.

Anyway, I liked what Joe had to say the most. I think I need to get some more plates spinning before I call her up. That was good advice in general and was kind of a wake-up call. I don't think I'm going to call her or text her until I get my feet back on the ground here chick-wise. If I can get some more plates spinning, I'll get back in the flow of things. I really liked the point that a lot of you made about her clearly liking guys who have a ton of other options.

My biggest problem over the years is I can get any girl to like me, even one who dates professional athletes. But when it's time to leave the attraction building phase, I have a much lower success rate. This is one of my biggest sticking points. I'm great at approaching and getting any girl to like me, and if I can get her back to my apartment I hook up with her usually. But I struggle really bad in the intermediary, getting a girl's number and then knowing what to say when I call her. Anyone have any good links for me to read up on about this or just some good advice? I think as I get older this is something I have to get better at.

Thanks.

 

[Reyaj]

not for nothing but if this guy is in the NBA there is a good chance he is tall and/or black. That being you must be really small in comparison.... and I aint talking about your height either lol

 

[joekerr31]

not for nothing but if this guy is in the NBA there is a good chance he is tall and/or black. That being you must be really small in comparison.... and I aint talking about your height either lol

so what your saying is that the nba guy may have ruined this hb10 and now she has to masturbate with a baseball bat to get off?

 

[MikeYikes122]

Haha, he is actually only like 6'1, not much taller than me. That is half the reason why he is a dumbsh!t for leaving school early to go pro. He plays shooting guard, and if you know anything about professional basketball you can't play off-guard in the NBA if you're barely six feet tall. This is why the only reason he gets off the bench is for the national anthem.

 

[joekerr31]

Haha, he is actually only like 6'1, not much taller than me. That is half the reason why he is a dumbsh!t for leaving school early to go pro. He plays shooting guard, and if you know anything about professional basketball you can't play off-guard in the NBA if you're barely six feet tall. This is why the only reason he gets off the bench is for the national anthem.

dude, don't be a hater man. give the guy credit for at least trying. the fact that the odds are stacked against him only makes what he's trying to do all the more impressive.

and whatever you do, DO NOT throw that kind of attitude around in the presence of women you want to bang. they will see it as petty and shallow - the exact OPPOSITE of confident. this is what women do when they gossip, tear down other women 'oh my god, did you SEE her lipstick tonight? how trashy!"

ive said this in other threads, you gotta be mr. positive in this life. don't trash others, wish them the best, always look for the good in the things. if you can do this in an authentic fashion it will change your life.

by authentic i mean really see the positive. not just say positive stuff but then inside your head still be saying the same old petty crap.

 

[MikeYikes122]

dude, don't be a hater man. give the guy credit for at least trying. the fact that the odds are stacked against him only makes what he's trying to do all the more impressive.

and whatever you do, DO NOT throw that kind of attitude around in the presence of women you want to bang. they will see it as petty and shallow - the exact OPPOSITE of confident. this is what women do when they gossip, tear down other women 'oh my god, did you SEE her lipstick tonight? how trashy!"

ive said this in other threads, you gotta be mr. positive in this life. don't trash others, wish them the best, always look for the good in the things. if you can do this in an authentic fashion it will change your life.

by authentic i mean really see the positive. not just say positive stuff but then inside your head still be saying the same old petty crap.

I wasn't being a hater. I just watch a lot of basketball. I don't hate, you can go back and look at my posts. I don't really ever say anything negative, on this message board or in real life.

Like I said, I kind of knew him, and he was an OK guy. I'm not rooting against him at all. In fact, I'd like him to succeed because he went to my school. His leaving school early was just a dumb decision. There is no positive or negative about it. If he would have waited a year, he could have gotten a large amount of guaranteed money. That's all I was pointing out.

No offense, but that was just like a five-sentence post. It's pretty tough tough to use that as a basis for judging my outlook on life.

If you want to see some real haters, just go on the regular Don Juan board and type "Mystery Method" somewhere in your subject line. That'll cause some haters to come out of the word work.