can i asked for a balanced guy's opinion?

[onthepath]

All, i'm not after the opinion of someone who's been scorned by women and only now sees them as *** recepticals...

yes, i'm desperate, and that is what is leading to my knight in shining armour syndrome, but i want to know whether this desperation is skewing my logic, and whether my perceived chance of happiness is true or false.

a bit more about me, i'm anti social by nature. i live on my own, and am used to solitude (though i of course prefer the company of friends...not that i have many to rely on), and yes i have my own self esteem problems. with that said, i'm able to carry on in business quite successfully - i'm reasonably successful for my age (24 and buying/owning armani goods), i'm travelling all over the world. the reason i mention this is to say that i'm self reliant and not a social retard, but i'm desperate for meaningful female attention. this site, along with my moving out on my own has helped me grow a little, and while i have been on a few dates, i generally find i'm attracted to (unacceptably) older women, or quiet women like myself

the girl in question is a "broken" girl. i hate to use the word but that's what people usually understand. she's had an unfortunate life, mum died when young, sister died recently, so i know she'll be a clingy girl (not that that bothers me). she's quiet, shy, and i think by nature (though as a result of different causes) similar to myself. she's heavily into me, we've known each other for years, and i'm starting to reciprocate the feelings she's had for quite some time - "we'd be compatible".

now i know the mantra of this site is to better yourself so you can attract a better quality girl and not deal with this drama, but the longer that time passes, the more i feel myself attracted to her (inspite of family and friends opposition...arrogance on my part that i know my own loneliness best?)

[\vent]

what do you guys think of a situation like this? while i've heard many times before that girls of this nature are not worth the trouble, are there situations where male ego aside, girls like this can lead to long term happiness?

cheers

 

[Lexington]

but the longer that time passes, the more i feel myself attracted to her (inspite of family and friends opposition...arrogance on my part that i know my own loneliness best?)

This little nugget pretty much sums it up. You should always do what you want, but when a lot of people who have your best interests in mind are saying the same thing, that should bring up your red flags. Why would your family and friends all oppose this? There probably is a good cause for concern.

You don't actually want this girl because she is the perfect woman for you. You just want her because you're desperate. I know, it seems like any woman would be okay right now, but trust me, you do NOT want to make that mistake. Getting into a serious relationship with the wrong woman can really fvck up your life.

This woman is wreck right now, you said so yourself. She MIGHT get better, but you're taking an absolutely massive gamble by getting involved with her. If a girl's got issues, there's no guarantee that she'll fix them.

A good lover should be a ready-made item. There are no "fix 'er uppers" when it comes to relationships. You should only enter into a serious relationship if you truly like the entire package. You can't like a few things and them hope the other aspects will improve. That is a recipe for disaster.

 

[zekko]

what do you guys think of a situation like this? while i've heard many times before that girls of this nature are not worth the trouble, are there situations where male ego aside, girls like this can lead to long term happiness?

Girls of WHAT nature are not worth the trouble? Because she's had a hard life and her mom died when she was young? If you like her, give her a chance and see if she acts up. If she acts up, then you'll know.

As far leading to long term happiness, you should know if you read this site you should not depend upon a woman to give you happiness. Your happiness needs to come from within, then you can share it with your girl if you like.

 

[mikeyb]

You sound like me two years ago. I was in the same situation you're in and I ended up going out with the girl for a year and a half. Loved the beginning, hated every bit of the last 6 months of that relationship and when I broke up with her she just wouldn't let go (check out some of my previous posts from last summer and you'll get the idea).

But if I had to go back in time and do it again, would I? Hell yeah. I got the "desperation" out of my system and learned what it's like to be in a relationship. I'm finally in the right frame of mind and that alone was worth it. Now I can see right through most women's crap, although it's true I can be a bit of a mysogenist too sometimes.

I'm not suggesting you do the same, but bear in mind that if this is your first potential LTR and she's clingy, you could wind up the same way I did. And FYI, my friends & family never liked that girl I went out with either.

 

[onthepath]

Girls of WHAT nature are not worth the trouble? Because she's had a hard life and her mom died when she was young? If you like her, give her a chance and see if she acts up. If she acts up, then you'll know.

As far leading to long term happiness, you should know if you read this site you should not depend upon a woman to give you happiness. Your happiness needs to come from within, then you can share it with your girl if you like.

yes. i agree, and i believe my maturity and financial success is part (but a small part) of my own happiness. for some reason, i feel i can also lead this girl out of the darkness to the betterment of us both - i've got this notion that if we can be happy with one another, we can solve our own feelings of inadequacy, just as long as we have each other to rely on...

i guess the reason i posted on these forums was to ask whether the *chance* of happiness was worth the gamble...my family suggests i'm better than this and should move on without trying, though of course they look at me through rose tinted glasses....further, they suggest that i shouldn't even invest the time in a girl like this, because if it goes wrong, it'll lead greatly to her downfall (ie, if she already likes me and i go on to reject her, this might be a tipping point for her)

 

[onthepath]

and lastly, i mentioned her mum died? well my dad is dying now, less than a year we believe. yes im struggling to deal with it (its easier to just put my music on loud through the headphones and not think about anything) so while i'm sure this plays into it, i guess its more context for you guys

 

[zekko]

i've got this notion that if we can be happy with one another, we can solve our own feelings of inadequacy, just as long as we have each other to rely on...

See, that's the wrong mindset. You need to solve your own feelings of inadequacy for yourself. If you get the girl along with it, then that's just icing on the cake. But you can't depend on her to make you feel adequate. You're out there traveling the world, you're making good money, you're a high value guy, act like it. And more importantly start believing it.

i guess the reason i posted on these forums was to ask whether the *chance* of happiness was worth the gamble...my family suggests i'm better than this and should move on

I guess I'm just not seeing what is so horrible about this girl. Either there's something about her you're not telling us, or I'm just not reading it correctly. If she's had a life or doesn't have much money or whatever, that doesn't make her a bad person. And with all due respect to your family, you have to make the decision on whether or not she meets your standards, not them. If you think there are red flags with this girl, then either next her or keep your eyes open.

Just read the bit about your dad, sorry to hear about it. That's a difficult thing to go through, I know from experience.

 

[onthepath]

See, that's the wrong mindset. You need to solve your own feelings of inadequacy for yourself. If you get the girl along with it, then that's just icing on the cake. But you can't depend on her to make you feel adequate. You're out there traveling the world, you're making good money, you're a high value guy, act like it. And more importantly start believing it.


I guess I'm just not seeing what is so horrible about this girl. Either there's something about her you're not telling us, or I'm just not reading it correctly. If she's had a life or doesn't have much money or whatever, that doesn't make her a bad person. And with all due respect to your family, you have to make the decision on whether or not she meets your standards, not them. If you think there are red flags with this girl, then either next her or keep your eyes open.

Just read the bit about your dad, sorry to hear about it. That's a difficult thing to go through, I know from experience.

yes i'm high value when it comes to monetary value and potential, but socially...i dont believe i am

as for whats horrible about this girl - her drama + my problems = compounded drama. i get that. but i also see a potential offset (lol, the alcohol influenced in me seems to bring out the philosophical!) the potential i see with this girl is mutual understanding...we have our own issues, but sometimes its nice knowing that someone else out there could understand how and why i think the way i do...

 

[Ease]

As a male (complete with a penis), you havent once mentioned the most important factor yet.

Is she hot?

Judging by your indecision and lack of commitment to this, i assume she is below standard.

 

[zekko]

yes i'm high value when it comes to monetary value and potential, but socially...i dont believe i am

Well then you're more than halfway there and still have good value. You realize your shortcomings so you know you have to put some work in there. You're successful in other areas so there's no reason you can't be good socially. Just takes some practice. You've convinced yourself that you're inferior somehow, when you're really a quality guy. You just need to believe in yourself. And maybe lay off of the alcohol a little

As for the girl, it's really up to you and what you want to do. It sounds like you like each other though, so what have you got to lose? Just keep things in perspective, you don't have to go out and marry her or anything like that.

 

[Rescue Mission]

If you lack experience with women, then the one thing that you should NOT NOT NOT NOT do is commit to the first woman that you hook up with. Absolutely do NOT magically make her into a "LTR", because you have inexperienced-guy-syndrome, which means you simply have not had enough women in your life to know the difference between a good healthy LTR, and a desperate, useless LTR.

You will most likely not listen to my advice though, and you will end up dating and marrying this woman, only to realize that you have no idea what you want from a woman, and that you should have NOT settled down with the first one who showed you interest.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

If you lack experience with women, then the one thing that you should NOT NOT NOT NOT do is commit to the first woman that you hook up with. Absolutely do NOT magically make her into a "LTR", because you have inexperienced-guy-syndrome, which means you simply have not had enough women in your life to know the difference between a good healthy LTR, and a desperate, useless LTR.

You will most likely not listen to my advice though, and you will end up dating and marrying this woman, only to realize that you have no idea what you want from a woman, and that you should have NOT settled down with the first one who showed you interest.

This is very, very true... you should be able and willing to walk away from a bad relationship. If you find yourself staying with someone out of comfort/fear you can't get anyone better, when you KNOW that things are not good, you are only hurting yourself.

 

[onthepath]

If you lack experience with women, then the one thing that you should NOT NOT NOT NOT do is commit to the first woman that you hook up with. Absolutely do NOT magically make her into a "LTR", because you have inexperienced-guy-syndrome, which means you simply have not had enough women in your life to know the difference between a good healthy LTR, and a desperate, useless LTR.

You will most likely not listen to my advice though, and you will end up dating and marrying this woman, only to realize that you have no idea what you want from a woman, and that you should have NOT settled down with the first one who showed you interest.

sht, this is good advice, and scarily it sounds just like something i would do

i'll have to really think through this, thanks

 

[Rescue Mission]

sht, this is good advice, and scarily it sounds just like something i would do

i'll have to really think through this, thanks

Not only have I experienced this 3 times in my life (back when I myself was inexperienced and didn't know any better), but I have also read/listened to literally hundreds of men who fell into the "inexperienced-LTR-syndrome".

Simply put - DO NOT DO IT! You can either learn from everyone else's mistakes, or you can choose to learn the hard way from your own mistakes.

Before you ever EVER EVER get into a committed relationship, you need to, without a single doubt on this planet, date, have sex with, and have fvck-buddy relationships with multiple women over several years..........only after you have been through so much pvssy that you FEEL like you know women in and out, you can start THINKING about committing to 1 woman.

I personally did it the hard way, because I did not have someone giving me this brilliant advice that I am giving you. All I ever had was AFC pvssified advice, which basically screwed me for a while in the first place........the second I sent all of that advice to hell, and started living life for ME, I ended up knee deep in pvssy, and finally started having FUN in my dating life.

 

[Warrior74]

sounds like you don't have any options and your settling for the only option you do have. I promise you, if you had two or three girls you were dating, you wouldn't be making this post.

i'm anti social by nature. i live on my own, and am used to solitude (though i of course prefer the company of friends...not that i have many to rely on), and yes i have my own self esteem problems. with that said, i'm able to carry on in business quite successfully - i'm reasonably successful for my age (24 and buying/owning armani goods), i'm travelling all over the world. the reason i mention this is to say that i'm self reliant and not a social retard, but i'm desperate for meaningful female attention. this site, along with my moving out on my own has helped me grow a little, and while i have been on a few dates, i generally find i'm attracted to (unacceptably) older women, or quiet women like myself

All of the problems of yours are just that, your problems. What do you do when you have a problem? Do you just live with it or fix it? Trust me, living with it will make you feel worse in the long run.

the girl in question is a "broken" girl. i hate to use the word but that's what people usually understand. she's had an unfortunate life, mum died when young, sister died recently, so i know she'll be a clingy girl (not that that bothers me). she's quiet, shy, and i think by nature

All of her problems are just that, her problems. There is nothing you can do to fix them. If you know in your gut that she's not the one for you, don't do it. Stick to your convictions. It's the hallmark of manhood. If you have to ask if you should date a girl, the answer is always no.


Everything else you wrote is a justification for not doing what you know is right. And a weak attempt to try and get someone else to cosign you doing the wrong thing. Frankly, it's pathetic. You know what to do. You know who you have to look at in the mirror. Can you lie to yourself? Do you want to?