Can an introvert still attract women?

[Stavrogin]

For purposes of attracting women, how important is it that a man be outgoing (i.e., an alpha male who surfs, snowboards, motorcrosses, goes to upscale clubs, and so on)? Would women lose interest in a guy and dismiss him as a square once they discover he is introverted? Or would they remain interested if the guy at least expresses an interest in trying those kind of activities? The reason I ask is that I'm mortified to admit to women that the most exciting thing I typically do is go to a movie.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Starving rogue dude,

I figured you were an introvert from your last comment on the "I'm getting bitter..." thread.

There are many introverted men who have women - women look for other qualities besides being an "outspoken fun guy". Women are attracted to intelligence, humor, wealth, physical stature (the taller and bigger the better), social standing, position, athletic prowness, power, good character, a spiritual man, a generous heart, etc etc etc

Men look for "Am I attracted to her" - that is about it!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The theory of personality that defines individuals as either Introverted or Extroverted is just that - a theory - and one I don't subscribe to. As wonderful as it would be to make up easily associable catagories for an individual's 'personality type' and just as easily adjust our interpretation of that person accordingly, this denies the truth that personality is mutable and changable, and evolves with and without our direct influence. To say a person fits the choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic, introverted, extroverted, etc. personality archetype is akin to spouting off truisms and self-affirming associations that Astrological signs people eagerly & superstitiously ascribe to themselves. Introversion and extroversion are convenient terms we'd like to apply to ourselves because it's easier to accept ourselves in neat catagories and not have to attempt the risky proposal of analyzing ourseleves and changing our own self-perceptions.

Look no further than Neil Strauss in 'The Game'. Introversion and extroversion are little more than examples of self-estimation and the behaviors that exemplify them. I'm an introvert and an extrovert. I'm a choleric, phlegmatic, pragmatic, cynic, sarcastic, opptomistic, realist and that's all before noon depending on what my personal condition are.

 

[Latinoman]

Are you shy or introverted? They are NOT the same.

Introverted is one that seeks his "energy" internally. Extroverted is one that seeks his "energy" externally. Or at least that's the theory on this particular issue.

I personally believe that a man can and should be able to be either one.


It is OUR environment and it is one we can try to control.

I am "extroverted"...when I feel I should be "extroverted". I am "introverted", when I feel I should be introverted.


A true Alpha-Man can adapt to his environment and be either: extroverted or introverted.


My point is: Introverted or Extroverted are not bad personallity traits.

The BAD traits are "shyness" and "arrogance".

 

[Latinoman]

Sorry about the misspellings.

 

[Friendly Otter]

Is there strong and weak? Yes. But it's a scale. Same with introverted and extroverted - these do exist, though it's a scale, and I don't think anyone has claimed otherwise.

Like Latinoman says about "energy," introversion means that you are motivated by ideas, while extroversion means that you are motivated by the people around you. Most people are way more extroverted than introverted. The average visitor to this website is no doubt more introverted than the average citizen, as this is about theory. The mostly-extroverted don't touch theory about human behavior unless they have to, watching sports or drinking beer or discussing make-up and fashion with friends is much more fun.

Like Latinoman points out, introverted should not be confused with shy. And extroverted should not be confused with being a leader, I would add. I am very much introverted, as I think of ideas ("intellectual" is synonymous, I would say), but I am way better at making friends and handling people than many an extrovert. Although, an introvert is probably somewhat more likely to be shy, and an extrovert is more likely to get along with people, simply because the extrovert considers it a lifestyle to adapt to the surroundings.

 

[organizedconfusion]

remember,most movies do glamorize introversion as well- from Clint Eastwoods strong silent types like Dirty Harry or any of his countless cowboy charactors, to James Bond even..Bond was a thinking man when you watch any of his movies- he was very well kept and reserved but devilishly cool and smooth,Tyler Durden was a thinking man also-with his fanatic (anarchic) concepts to his also silent and strong charactoristics..i think that introverts naturally move in the direction of outer coolness because it is in there true nature -that inner guidence with seemingly outerly detatchment and could care less about the outer world...i heard that it's something like a 80/20 ratio,80 percent are extraverted and only 20 are introverted..makes you wonder ..how can they possibly house all those serial killers?

 

[Cranky Monk]

Introverts have an advantage in sorting out their inner game. You're more inward looking, often more insightful.

Introverts with an inner game focus can radiate a different kind of masculine appeal (strong, quiet, majestic, deep-voiced, yet friendly and welcoming), distinctly different to the fun, loud, attention-attracting style that extroverts have. It's not better or worse - just a different flavour of appeal.

Latinoman is right - introversion isn't a limiting factor but SHYNESS definitely is. Accept your introversion for what it is, work with the strengths and advantages that it can give you.

 

[Latinoman]

Introverts have an advantage in sorting out their inner game. You're more inward looking, often more insightful.

Introverts with an inner game focus can radiate a different kind of masculine appeal (strong, quiet, majestic, deep-voiced, yet friendly and welcoming), distinctly different to the fun, loud, attention-attracting style that extroverts have. It's not better or worse - just a different flavour of appeal.

Latinoman is right - introversion isn't a limiting factor but SHYNESS definitely is. Accept your introversion for what it is, work with the strengths and advantages that it can give you.

I do believe introverted people that know how to play the game have an advantage when it comes to "hunting" over the extroverted.

But the biggest advantage goes to one that can combine both.

 

[Latinoman]

Stavrogin, women thrive on emotions. If you notice products for women like Cosmo, Soap Operas, etc, they are geared towards eliciting emotions from the women that use them. Outgoing guys have the capability of keeping things interesting for their women, so the relationship is never boring. One of the biggest relationship killers for a woman is boredom.

I can't count the number of guys I know who have been dumped where boredom was one of the factors (among other factors) that turned their ex-GF off.

This is not to say that you talk like a chick towards another chick if you want to get laid. Make sure you keep a strong base with your masculine side while keeping things fun and exciting with the chick you are going out with.

Maximus_Decimus

Very good point...which brings me to the point that once the "hunt" is accomplished in a succesful way...then that man better get some "extrovert" qualities.

The importance of both...some introvert qualities to get her interest (mystery, etc.)...some extrovert qualities to keep that interest going once you conquered her.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Can an introvert attact women?

Sure, why not. Any guy can attract women.

Look no further than Neil Strauss in 'The Game'. Introversion and extroversion are little more than examples of self-estimation and the behaviors that exemplify them. I'm an introvert and an extrovert. I'm a choleric, phlegmatic, pragmatic, cynic, sarcastic, opptomistic, realist and that's all before noon depending on what my personal condition are.

That's always been my belief: That "pure" introverts or extroverts are very rare. Most people at any given time are somewhere between the two extremes.

I was at a party a couple months ago where some lady had memorized this quiz that's supposed to pin you to either extreme, and she was getting really frustrated with me. She never got past the first question:

Her: Can I give you a little quiz?
Me: Sure, ask away...
Her: When the phone rings, do you look forward to answering it?
Me: It depends on who's calling me.
Her: What if you don't know who's calling?
Me: That's the glory of caller ID. I always know.
Her: But what if they have caller ID blocked?
Me: Then I let it go to voicemail.
Her: Hah! That makes you an introvert.
Me: Because I want to know who wants to talk to me?
Her: Because extroverts always look forward to talking to someone.
Me: And it's important to you that everyone here fits neatly into one category or another?
Her: It's important because <guy she's seeing> claims to be an extrovert, but he might really be an introvert.
Me: Mmmkay, so why are you obsessed with giving everyone else this quiz?
Her: I don't know ...

 

[Macgyver]

I'm an introvert and I'm dating an introvert girl. I've dated both introvert and extrovert girls, but I have to admit that my personality type seems to be more comfortable with introverts than extroverts. I don't mind, introvert girls for some reason seem really crazy in sex. Extrovert girls? Yeah they're just as crazy, but they're not all kinky and perverted, more like a physical thing than a mental thing for them.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Are you shy or introverted? They are NOT the same.

Introverted is one that seeks his "energy" internally. Extroverted is one that seeks his "energy" externally. Or at least that's the theory on this particular issue.

I personally believe that a man can and should be able to be either one.


It is OUR environment and it is one we can try to control.

I am "extroverted"...when I feel I should be "extroverted". I am "introverted", when I feel I should be introverted.


A true Alpha-Man can adapt to his environment and be either: extroverted or introverted.


My point is: Introverted or Extroverted are not bad personallity traits.

The BAD traits are "shyness" and "arrogance".

this is a very good point and well explained. :rock:

introverts attract differently and in more sublte ways but just as seductive and equally as powerfull...as an extrovert.