Bull's Eye on my back?

[The Comeback Kid]

This is a tough one to explain and doesn't particularly deal with dating exclusively. I do feel an answer to this issue will help me with girls though. In some of my college classes (as well as outside the classroom sometimes), I have received vibes - from only the girls - that they "have to" be doing better than me. When they find out I did a little better than them on a project or a test, or that I got an internship they couldn't get, they think he!! froze. In short, these girls think they are better than me, for always and always.

You're probably thinking they're just snobby. However, they don't act this way towards any other guys in the class - or atleast nothing that I see. I don't like sharing grades with people even if I do well. In those times I do share grades or experiences, I have noticed these girls exhibit "repressed jubilation" when they do a little better; meanwhile they're visibly upset when I do a little better on something, sometimes asking the teacher why they didn't get a few more points on the assignment.

Perhaps some of this is because I can appear a bit frustrating - I'll do something completely clueless and moments later do something completely brilliant. In a public speaking class I was in, I ask a clarification question and some girls roll their eyes. Days later, when the Prof. says I got the only A for the presentation, I'm met with glares from the same girls; they seem stunned that I did well. A friend of mine in the class did pretty well too, but is met with "good job!" and "I really enjoyed your presentation!" from those girls. Another time, a girl said she disagreed with my answer during a discussion...after the teacher said I was correct!

Maybe it's "intangibles". I don't have the highest GPA, I don't write the best papers, I can participate a little more in classes, but do well because of my preparation skills, not getting overly stressed when things get hectic, and being confident (most visible when speaking in front of the class). With jobs and internships, I interview very well and study up before entering the interview room. A few weeks, a girl in the same major as me and I were talking about internships. I told her where I worked over the summer, she said, "Huh...how'd they select YOU? A lot of people apply to that place." Please...gimme a break!

The last example I can give takes place outside the classroom. On two occasions within the past year, my friends have done something to irritate a girl (different girl each time). One of those times, I was in the area, but wasn't the chief instigator. Both times, the girl launches into a tirade - AT ME! Both "irriatating" things were quite minor and I wasn't the main one involved, but they took it out on me and continue to hold grudges.

I guess what I'm getting at with all of these recent examples...what characteristics could I be exhibiting that have these girls believing they must be better than me? Additionally, why are they actually mad when I actually do better than them on something? I'm not a pushover "nice guy" and I'm not a jerk who thinks he is the greatest thing to step onto the earth.

Perhaps I'm doing something I'm unaware of, or maybe it's the types of girls I have classes/interact with, or perhaps I'm only really noticing the cases when it happens to me, but it's a bit strange. I know the post makes me sound all innocent, but I know I'm not - I have to know people a little before I can trust them, plus I appear a bit too calm when things in class are going rough. I can also be stubborn at times.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

The reason I'd feel an answer to this could help in my game is b/c in these classes, I don't really know most of the people in these classes, meaning they could be taking cues, whether it's something I say once or twice, perhaps the way I answer a question or go about my work, or even body language.

Maybe it has to do with classes that do icebreakers and others that don't. This semester, one of my Profs had us do icebreakers for awhile (it's a small class), and I get along with everyone pretty well. Meanwhile, in my other small class, we didn't get to do icebreakers and I get the negative vibes I mentioned in the main post.

 

[DJDamage]

I guess what I'm getting at with all of these recent examples...what characteristics could I be exhibiting that have these girls believing they must be better than me? Additionally, why are they actually mad when I actually do better than them on something? I'm not a pushover "nice guy" and I'm not a jerk who thinks he is the greatest thing to step onto the earth.

Those girls do not like you.

Think maybe you have accidently done something in class once that rubbed some people the wrong way and word of mouth got around that you are a d1ck or something.

Your best bet is find someone in class with an unbiased opinion that will lay the truth on you on whether or not you rub people the wrong way.

Remember most people are sheep and act the way others act in order to fit in.

 

[Duffdog]

You might actually be better than they are. I received this type of treatment in communications classes due to my skills with public speaking. Try as they might, the overachiever females had no hope of delivering speeches and presentations with the skill I did. Nor were the females in my business classes able to offer writings as formed and tactful as I could. Many times the girls who are very good will offer congratulations to guys who they know are beneath them as a penance to make themselves feel better, but secretly resent the males who genuinely are superior.

This realization you have should serve to be an indication of what the real world is like when you graduate. If you choose to enter the corporate world, you will find that there are certain parallel or superior positions held by females who view you as a threat and go out of their way to stop you in your tracks. You should not let it bother you once you realize that 1) Underneath their facade of power, they are really a scared little girl and 2) Its really you who have the power, and you had it all along.

I once met a girl who went on and on about her professional accomplishments in an effort to assert her superiority. She spoke 5 languages and was a lead software engineer and traveled internationally and blah, blah, blah... I finally told her: "All of that stuff you just said doesn't matter, guys really only care about how hot you are. If you also happen to be smart, that's a nice bonus" To which she almost cried, knowing it was true.

 

[Mavrick]

It sounds like you're acting like a dork.

Do you sit up front? Do you always ask questions and have to say something in class? Those guys DRIVE ME FRIGGIN NUTS! Is that you?

That's the only reason they would act that way towards you.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

It sounds like you're acting like a dork.

Do you sit up front? Do you always ask questions and have to say something in class? Those guys DRIVE ME FRIGGIN NUTS! Is that you?

That's the only reason they would act that way towards you.

I'll respond to the other ones later (time constraint), but this one is easy.

You're wrong on this one Mavrick. In large lectures, I sit towards the middle. If it's a large class, I don't talk. In smaller discussion sessions, I will volunteer a few answers because participation counts towards the grade, but I don't really talk a lot.

So what was that dork assumption again, Mavrick?

 

[Mavrick]

Let me ask this then. Do these girls know those guys that you're referring to? If not, do those guys know each other and clown around together?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Let me ask this then. Do these girls know those guys that you're referring to? If not, do those guys know each other and clown around together?

Of all the cases in which I sense the negative energy, two stand out:

Class #1 Only four other guys in the class, about 10 or 11 girls. One guy, who I get along with but am not close friends with, knew most of the class. Two other guys knew a couple of the other girls, and the other guy was on the "other team." I didn't know most of the class before the course started (I knew 2 of the guys from extra-curricular and had shared classes with a couple of the girls).

The vibe was so bad in this course that it may have been a small reason as to why I got a little lower grade than usual. The girl I was paired up with for the class was a control freak who would yell and scream when things went off-script (NOT IN CLASS...we had out-of-class projects). She didn't talk to much of the class, however, so I'm not sure if she could spread any bs. Three of the other guys knew each other a bit (I knew 2 of the 3 before the class, the other one I know better now), but they didn't only "goof around with eachother" during the class. They and the girls they knew all kinda mingled.

Class 2 Could be some of the cause as to Class 1's environment...I was in another class with three of the same girls previously. In this class, we had 9 guys and 9 girls, so it was pretty even. We had a very prestigious professor, and that contributed to the overly competitive environment. Now the reason I could be seen negatively in this class is because I was very, very laid back here while everyone else was stressing out. I had done this sort of work before, so there were no surprises. In fact, I really enjoyed the class (Prof. was great) and did quite well.

As for people in the class, everyone seemed to be acquaintances towards one another, maybe one or two pairs of closer friends (one was girl-girl, the other girl-guy). Got along well with the guys, haven't really spoken with any of the girls since. Definitely no guys "goofing around" with each other though. However, I finished in-class assignments very quickly while being very calm about it while others were stressing.

However, I do know one guy that didn't like me. We were opposites - he was "by the book" and I did everything differently. He tried showing me up once, but that backfired when it motivated me to top him on that assignment...and then all the other assignments for the rest of the semester. He got along with a few of the girls, so there's a chance things could have been said lol.

Both of these classes are in my major, so there is a good chance I will see some of the same cast of characters again, especially those from class #1.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Now onto DJDamage and Duffdog...

DJDamage - haha yeah you're right in that these girls do not like me. They seemingly want nothing to do with me. You could be correct in that maybe I did something once - even inadvertently that rubbed people the wrong way, and spread the bad word around. If I sense this sort of thing happening again, I will seek someone who seems unbiased on the issue and ask them what's up. Finally, I agree with your "fall in like sheep assessment." Where I get into trouble is that I don't do this...a few years ago, people on my floor were picking on someone for no reason and urged me to chime in. I refused since I had met the "picked on" guy and he was a pretty decent dude. Needless to say, I was on my own island after that...the big bullying group and I didn't interact anymore, and the kid I protected wound up transferring the following year.

Duffdog - I could be (better than they are). I mean, the classes are in my major, and I have a lot of out-of-the-classroom experience in the field that they don't have. On the "girls offering congrats" comment...exactly right. They'll congratulate my friend, but all I receive is "oh...that's good." Good tips for the real world, definitely helps put me at ease a little, and I see your point. A lot of people who appear menacing or controlling are actually the ones who are threatened or scared. It's just a matter of knowing how to play to that.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Many times the girls who are very good will offer congratulations to guys who they know are beneath them as a penance to make themselves feel better, but secretly resent the males who genuinely are superior.

Bingo. This "vibe" I have gotten in class also, when I'm outnumbered by the women and a bunch of dork guys. Good observation. I couldn't put it into words why I was being treated with disdain.

 

[The_411]

Bottomline we're told that hard work and determination can overcome lesser abilities.

There are a lot of women and guys that get pissed when they realize that no matter how hard they work, study etc they will never be able to the things that a smart person can do when he or she gives half or more effort.

Same thing happened to me in school. Women hated me because I could make them look bad by picking apart their arguments and correcting their grammar while I was sleeping in class.

It's jealousy.

 

[fertileTurtle]

I didn't read but a few sentences, but I think it's pretty clear. In life, everywhere you go, even your fuking family will be jealous of you if you are better than them. It's American society to build you up to a certain point; that point is the builder's level, when you get to that point, they will tear you down. I don't know what to say, because it sucks. I know a lot people,yes most, will hate you for it. It's just life. Be your own man and don't give a fuk what people think. This is why the "jerk" does so well in life, because he knows there is no love for the successful in this life.

The rare time you find someone who doesn't give a fuk that you are better than them, you have found a friend in a way. Don't ever forget this. You will live with this reality the rest of your life. On the upside, and I'm not a bible thumper, so I will leave the concept of "God" open. You can even think of Him as someone in yourself, if you have to, but I don't agree with that. Just saying though, on the upside, God is the one being in the universe who wants to see you do well. But even then you'll curse Him, because He puts you through the crapper too. But it's not because He's jealous of you, He just wants life to kick your @ss, so you will grow. Best of luck to you.:box:

 

[The Comeback Kid]

So the prevailing opinion (from the last few posters atleast) is that this all has something to do with jealousy. If that's the case, which it could be, then how about this:

-Particularly in class #1 in Post #8, a lot of the class actually did better than I did! I got points off on a lot of technicalities/style things the teacher preferred that I disagreed with (stuff on a written script I wrote once, different views on something that usually works for me, etc.).

-Considering I could very likely be in another class with these people again, is there any way to make things a little more comfortable?

-What's a better plan when trying to get to know girls better in classes like these? This doesn't happen in nearly all my classes, so I guess just focus on people in those classes.

I'm also curious as to what Mavrick was getting at with his questions. I have a good idea of what it is, but I could be wrong.

 

[Desert Fox]

So the prevailing opinion (from the last few posters atleast) is that this all has something to do with jealousy. If that's the case, which it could be, then how about this:

-Particularly in class #1 in Post #8, a lot of the class actually did better than I did! I got points off on a lot of technicalities/style things the teacher preferred that I disagreed with (stuff on a written script I wrote once, different views on something that usually works for me, etc.).

-Considering I could very likely be in another class with these people again, is there any way to make things a little more comfortable?

-What's a better plan when trying to get to know girls better in classes like these? This doesn't happen in nearly all my classes, so I guess just focus on people in those classes.

I'm also curious as to what Mavrick was getting at with his questions. I have a good idea of what it is, but I could be wrong.

Why do you even want to get to know these d0uchebags? I am just like you, except I am a huge jerk and if people ask about my accomplishments I list them nonstop. Hey they asked for it.

With every accomplishment I list I can visibly see them squirm and act like they just got slapped in the face repeatedly.

It's an awesome feeling.

I wasn't always this way...I used to be like you. I used to be a little B1TCH like you now who is always SEEKING APPROVAL from DUMB BROADS and other *******S of that sort. You are still in the B1TCH stage because even though you are not acting upon your desire for approval, you are THINKING and still DESIRING to be accepted.

Basically 2 rules will help you get through this:

1. don't give a sh1t about what imbeciles think. You will find people you respect who respect you back, and you should pay attention to them, but these b1tches in your class are trash and you shuld treat them and their opinions as such.

2. fvck the losers. drop these deadbeats from your mind and go on with your life. they can't stop you. they are like desperate pitiful turtles hoping you (the hare) will stop and nap, but you won't and they will be fvcking left in the dust in a mediocre job, mediocre life for eternity.

These b1tches treat you like crap because YOU LET THEM. You care enough to post on a forum about this...seriously bro. You need to show some backbone.

I broke this trend of being a b1tch by being a big jerk. I remember it vividly about 2 years ago:

We had a midterm and I did average and some of my friends came by asking about grades like the insecure fvcks they are and most did better than I did because I was out of town 3 days before the exam for an interview. They were all like "yes! I beat desert fox!" and I was like "wtf." And once they had their share of being elated, they were like "no we're just KIDDING (like that makes it better). you did a good job."

Next midterm I set the curve at 98 and own all those b1tches. I don't ask about grades ever. but predictably the b1tches come and ask me what I got. 98. fvcking look of shock on their faces. then I ask them "oh what did you get?"

responses "oh I did alright."

me: but less than 98 right.

responses: wow you're being a real d1ck.

me: haha whatever, you're just an insecure b1tch who wanted to make yourself feel better by asking me about my grade. don't worry I won't set the curve too high on the next one.

then i dropped those b1tches from my radar. since then about a year later i ran into 1 or 2 of them outside of class and mended wounds. most admited they were jealous or just being little b1tch sheep.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks Desert Fox, but there's a reason I decided to post it HERE.

For whatever reason, my school isn't real big on partying. People who are 21 go to bars, and all of Greek life just wants to party with each other (mixers). Therefore, one of the only placed I can meet girls around campus is...in my classes!

But it doesn't help if the girls here absolutely dislike me. Again, this isn't an issue with the guys, who I seem to get along just fine with. This also isn't an issue in all of my smaller-sized classes. However, this seems to pop up in classes in my major, which means I could very likely run into these same girls again.

I don't ace these classes, normally I do well (Class #1 was a little lower than I usually get), but sometimes I show "flashes of brilliance." I'll do something that's clueless and makes one roll their eyes, then I'll do something "brilliant" that no one else in the class can pull off. I don't do things "by the book," which either gains a lot of support or causes much frustration in others b/c they don't know what's next.

Back to the topic...in college, I try to make an effort to get along with people and expand my social network. Especially when these classes in my major feature a lot of partner/group projects. However, as DJDamage said, maybe I inadvertently did something to piss these girls off. Maybe I did something real smart - I learn more from the class than what shows up in grades - and the girls are "jealous" as others of you say. Maybe they're just b1tches who don't deserve my good-heartedness, as Desert Fox says. Perhaps Duffdog is right in that these girls are just insecure of themselves. And what do Mavrick's questions yield?

 

[vitor]

Not to sound mean , but maybe you are dorky, not good looking, awkard or something that makes them not like you. Like you have all these things not going for you yet you get an A. Why worry about validation from women who do not care about you who cares..

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Not to sound mean , but maybe you are dorky, not good looking, awkard or something that makes them not like you. Like you have all these things not going for you yet you get an A. Why worry about validation from women who do not care about you who cares..

Possibly. However, I don't get a lot of A's; I do well, but no 4.0's are in my future lol. As I've mentioned before, I actually didn't do all that well in one of these classes!

That'd be pretty cruel if girls will be mean to you just because you're ugly or w/e - that's more middle school or high school. I go to the gym and have a pretty developed build, so I don't think its my looks (I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm not ugly). It could be something I am inadvertently doing that isn't coming off well...the next time this situation comes up, I may ask an unbiased person about the situation.

I'm not saying "every girl has to like me," far from it. In these few classes, the question would be, "Why do they all dislike me?" Classes are one of the main places to get to know people, so I'm trying to build connections through them if the opportunity arises. I am wondering if there are cues I'm giving off that prompt these negative reactions that could also be showing off when I'm trying to date a girl as well.