breaking up with a person who may be suicidal

[verdisQUO]

I stumbled onto this site by randomly searching on google, and boy, am I glad to have found this. If only I knew a place like this on the web existed when I was younger.


Well, I do have a problem. I was hoping that some of the DJ's here would help me out.


For staraters, I'm 23 (will turn 24 in 14 days), and is currently in a realationship. I've been with my girlfriend (though this isn't her real name. Let's just call her Suzie) for over 2 years. The problem is that she wants to get married, and I don't. In fact, I have lost intrest in her altogether.

Not going into any specifics but, there was a point where I wanted to marry her, but after getting to know her, I don't want to. All during this time, due to the nature of my job, I am now living in Japan, and she stayed behind back in the states. Now some of you may think that I've been seeing other women, but I havent. I want to, but I'm a firm believer in not cheating on a woman. I would rather break up with her instead. I want to break the news to her that I want to continue my life without her. There is a lot I want to sort out in my life. The thing is though, that she is extremely emotional (to be more descriptive, a lot of depression mixed with a hint of suicidal). We have had major arguements before, and she would actually hint towards taking her own life. In fact, I think she may have come close in a past relationship, but that hasn't lasted as nearly as long as this one has. I want to break it off with her, but if she was to do something, I just can't help but feel responsible for it. I'm trying to do this with out making it harder than it already is.

Any of you DJ's have any advice.



thanks


-verdisQUO

 

[Jariel]

oh god, I really feel for you! I was involved with a suicidal/self-harming girl earlier this year. She actually broke up with me, but still wouldn't let me go and was using the threat of hurting herself as emotional blackmail. I regret that she did actually control me for many months with it too and made my life a misery.

The fact is, if you let her do this it will really mess you up (as it did me). I turned to my friend for advice as she had threatened suicide after her break up. She told me the best thing I can do is cut myself off from this girl and never respond to her guilt trips. It will be hard for her at first, but it is much harder for her to let go and move on when you stay in contact and she keeps hoping you will change your mind.

This worked for me. I'm happier and I spoke to this ex- a few months later and she is happy with someone else.

I'd hope things will work that way for you too as it is worse for both of you if you don't really want to be together.

It's a difficult dilemma, but what you have to keep in mind is that whatever she does, whatever she threatens is not your fault or even your responsibility. You haven't mistreated her or abused her, and you won't even cheat on her.

I also had a friend who tried using these suicide threats on her ex-boyfriend. She had scars on her wrist like she had attempted suicide, but it turned out she had only scratched herself lightly with a piece of plastic to make it look like she had and it was just attention seeking and emotional blackmail. The actual truth is, if she tries to control you with emotional blackmail, she is not a good person.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

I started ot read the start of Jariel's post and didnt need to ready any further, because i got a great idea when he said his girlfreind broke up with him!

Dude, make her not like you, seriuosly could it be any easier, just make her dislike you to the point where she breaks up or will not get up set if you brake up with her!

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
I started ot read the start of Jariel's post and didnt need to ready any further, because i got a great idea when he said his girlfreind broke up with him!

Dude, make her not like you, seriuosly could it be any easier, just make her dislike you to the point where she breaks up or will not get up set if you brake up with her!

Very good point! Take all the advice you read here and do the opposite. Act needy, wussy, dependent, weak, insecure and overbearing, and it might drive her to finish with you.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Well, you can either be completely AFC with her, be super nice, or relocate somewhere where you won't be found by the psycho.

 

[MacAvoy]

Tell her goodbye, and if she hints anything about being suicidal, UPS her a knife. She'll think this guy if fvckin whacked, WTF I am doin cryin over him. She'll be pissed off and hate you, and totally forget about killin herself.

 

[verdisQUO]

Originally posted by MacAvoy
Tell her goodbye, and if she hints anything about being suicidal, UPS her a knife. She'll think this guy if fvckin whacked, WTF I am doin cryin over him. She'll be pissed off and hate you, and totally forget about killin herself.

Then again, if she actually does it...


She is a drama queen, but this is actually rediculous. She should be seekign help, though I can't really point her in a right direction.

 

[Luveno]

Her suicidal tendencies are her problem, not yours.

You are not a crisis councillor. Therefore, you shouldn't care if she kills herself or not. It isn't your fault she's insane.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

You can try being AFC but dont og over board, she might like it and you could find oyurself in a worse situation!

To drive her off just be really dirty, like wear dirty clothes and dont shower, have really bad manners at the table, eat like a pig and if your at a restruant just look at her food say yum that looks good and stick your fork in it and take a bite. Start drinking a beer or carbonated drink and then burp in her face, i think you get the picture!

Also wear clothes to make yourself look bad, like get trousers that are the right width but way to long so that it looks fine around your legs but the crotch part comes down way to long, and then got to be ugly looking trousers that you tuck in to your socks and you tuck your casule shirt in to your trousers and wear a baseball cap back to front. oh and eat oninons before you go and see her!

I think you get the picture

Do really anoying things like bring your best freind with you on what was suposed to be a romantic evening just the two of you.

Dont stop talking to her about a guys subject, that she dislikes e.g. football (as in socer) or cars etc.

Tell her you have a romantic evening planned and take her to a fast food restruant.

Heres somtihng i see guys do and all girls hate, you can just see the look on their faces when they do it, what you do is when your wlaking with her, just grab her from behind and hug her from behind as shes walking and cary on walking, i see guys do this and the girl always looks disgusted!

I think you get the picture, but just incase you need more ideas, i think people sohlud add to this list! It will be a lot ore effective, and funnier and less degrading then telling her how many kids you want because if you talk aobut kids she could been intrested in that, but no girl wants a man that acts so disgustingly.

 

[Unregistered]

Break up with her. Do it in a classy way. Anything that happens after is not your responsibility.

 

[flexion_]

Don't get involved in someone else's problems.