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Breaking NC with a good outcome?

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Remain no contact. It’s best in this case. You’ll run into her again at some point. At that time you simply be cool, nonchalant and unaffected. Therein lies potential future opportunity. But you have to be mentally OVER the situation first for that to give you a shot.

Tony the key thing I picked up reading your thread is that you felt like a backup plan. Was that real or your perception? (rooted in putting her on a pedestal). Really give that some thought. Here’s why. Beautiful people are going to notice each other. Beautiful people are going to be eye candy to everyone frankly. So her noticing and being noticed isn’t in and of itself a big deal. It’s a day in the life of a really attractive person. But how you perceive it can become a big deal.

The guys may jump all over me for what I’m about to say, but I’m saying it for you to think about & consider...

She said she didn’t want to see you anymore when you mentioned it. Right? It’s hard to mention something like this directly and come across as anything other than but hurt and insecure. Not a good perception for her to have (especially since a woman that attractive always has many options)...there was a recent thread actually about this exact situation but the dude hadn’t yet said anything to the 9 he was/is seeing...and the general advice of the brain trust around here was to handle it obliquely. He should chat up another girl nonchalantly or ask her what’s so fascinating over there with a cheeky attitude or himself comment that the guy is handsome in some way (some acknowledgement and nonchalance about the situation, utterly unflappable but consistent with his personality style)...

Indirect. Or flirt with someone else right under her nose. These are all indirect means. She’ll get the memo.

I recall one night my guy got super annoyed with me because a handsome Latin man kept ogling me from across the venue. My guy and I were seated in a lounge area having a conversation with someone and I wasn’t even aware of the attention this other man was paying to me. Like I was oblivious. Therefore I was doing nothing disrespectful at all...but my very handsome BF who women constantly fawn over sounded like an insecure little *itch in that moment. I told him so, which didn’t exactly make him happy but he was acting insecure and was out of line.

We weren’t newly dating so it didn’t blow things up. He calmed down & we drove on.

This woman has options. She may in fact never reach out. See paragraph 1. I’ve never been the one to break NC. With my recent ex he made it about 10 days & then started blowing up my phone. We are talking...but he starts every interaction. He just texted in fact.

With some women a guy must take the lead as a man. You need more resolve and red pill perspective before you break NC early.

So digest that as you proceed with NC. Did you do things to erode your frame? If you got one 9, and you tighten your frame? You’ll get another. Beautiful women are everywhere.
 
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gravityeyelids

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It was the first time I felt like I had her full respect.

This is very telling.

At a week in? When you're struggling? Nah, man, not a chance. MAAYBE if she reaches out to you in a few weeks and you have something else solid already going for you. What are you hoping to get out of this? I'm hoping only sex. Anything outside of that, she doesn't deserve your time.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Nope. I am in a situation now where I am dying to degrade myself by chasing a legit 9/10 Brazilian but I just have to force myself to stay quiet lol.
Can you stay quiet, ignore her and fvck with one of the babes who likes you more than her ( your fvcking )? Those babes have to like you, they have to see what they need to see in you. It's not for us to prove or convince them of anything.
 

mikey2012

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It’s pretty straightforward, if she doesn’t initiate that’s sign of low IL. Whether she banging some other dude is irrelevant. If she likes you she will reach out . Always be lazy with women. Be hardworking with your goals.
 

mikey2012

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I know NC is a golden rule. But has anyone ever had the experience of breaking NC and initiating contact - and actually had a good outcome?

I'm 1 week into NC and struggling, despite spinning 2 other plates. I broke up with this girl - easily a HB9 - because she took advantage too often - never offering to pay for anything, me always having to come to her city and not vice versa, checking out other guys when we were together. She was shocked when I did it, I was angry and she'd never seen me that way. She cried briefly and said she didn't want to keep seeing me. It was the first time I felt like I had her full respect. We've had no contact since.

But I'm tempted to contact her as I'm going to be in her city this week. I know everyone will say this is a bad idea, but could it work? And yes, I think she is worth it (just about). When she respected me, we were good together. I lost respect because I only discovered the red pill about 4 weeks ago - by then it was too late.
Just read your post . Bro you broke up with her. Be a man and respect your own decision. What will she think of you if you contact her ?
People always say dump her first but I don’t like doing this because at some point down the road you will regret your actions and try to take it back .
I prefer being dumped but I am ready so when she does it I’ll just say “ok” . I let the burden of the decision making be on her . That’s the best revenge as it will get her hamster spinning. I have had chicks who dumped me and I vanish. Few months later they hit back up asking to get back together. By that time I have already moved on .
 

lamath

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She will 100% contact you at some point within the next month and if you want to turn her into a plate then its your best chance.
This

Keep the NC 1 week is nothing, 1 month is nothing.......
If she contact you its probablynjist to reassess if you re still hook dont give in.
 

Dash Riprock

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This is a good topic. Here are my general thoughts:


1- You're NEVER too old to learn to be a DJ. Notice I didn't say "alpha." Huge difference.

2-
She will 100% contact you at some point within the next month and if you want to turn her into a plate then it’s your best chance.
I'm 99.9% sure this will NEVER happen. Why would she reach out? She just can't possibly live without you? Wrong. Dude, if she's a HB9 I'll 100% guarantee you she's already been out on dates and you're past history. HB9's don't need to chase. They have a 100 options at any given time. You may have created some "shock and awe" when you dumped her, but it quickly vanished. She’s over you. The worst thing you could do is break NC. You'll look really, really weak. You were a placeholder until something better came along. Her actions and body language as you described tell all. Move the F on.

3-Women will move mountains and throw themselves in front of a train for men they love and covet. She was the opposite. What does this say about how she felt about you? ALWAYS look at the actions, NOT the words.

4-
I prefer being dumped but I am ready so when she does it I’ll just say “ok” . I let the burden of the decision making be on her . That’s the best revenge as it will get her hamster spinning. I have had chicks who dumped me and I vanish. Few months later they hit back up asking to get back together. By that time I have already moved on .
Sorry @mikey2012, I think this is really bad advice and strategy on your part. NEVER EVER wait to get dumped. If you sense it coming, best for you to call a time out or dump her first. Getting dumped sends the message that you're inadequate as a man and dating partner. Someone explain to me how this helps your confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. It doesn't. ALWAYS be the one to end things, if you can. Don't be the pathetic guy with puppy dog eyes who senses his gf pulling away and acts like a docile doggie on a leash just waiting to get taken to the dog pound because he's longer wanted. Enough said.

5-You'll hate yourself if you break NC. She'll see it as an opportunity to gain the upper hand and deny you or lead you on and dump you—to get even. Seriously. Hot women cannot stand getting dumped and they crave revenge in these situations. Wish it weren't this way but it is.

6-Just keep yourself busy and date other women. Soon you'll forget about her and be happy you're without her.


Good luck.
 

mikey2012

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Sorry @mikey2012, I think this is really bad advice and strategy on your part. NEVER EVER wait to get dumped. If you sense it coming, best for you to call a time out or dump her first. Getting dumped sends the message that you're inadequate as a man and dating partner. Someone explain to me how this helps your confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. It doesn't. ALWAYS be the one to end things, if you can. Don't be the pathetic guy with puppy dog eyes who senses his gf pulling away and acts like a docile doggie on a leash just waiting to get taken to the dog pound because he's longer wanted. Enough said.
Nah man. I have many plates . I don’t care and I don’t need to dump. I just stop talking to them because I am banging my other plates . If they dump me it’s not a big deal. If they never contact me it’s not a big deal. For me getting HB8/9 isn’t a problem .
 

mikey2012

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Also I’m not giving advice . I’m saying that’s what I do. If you spin plates you don’t need to dump . You have a lot of chicks servicing you , if one drops off ,, who cares?
OP followed some of the advice here because he was insecure . He dumped his chick. The irony is that his chick wasn’t even thinking of dumping him. He didn’t really want to dump her but did so to get a reaction from her, hoping she would say please don’t dump me. Instead she walked. Now he’s thinking how to get back with her because he made a colassal blunder of dumping her first . Tell me I’m wrong .
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Also I’m not giving advice . I’m saying that’s what I do. If you spin plates you don’t need to dump . You have a lot of chicks servicing you , if one drops off ,, who cares?
OP followed some of the advice here because he was insecure . He dumped his chick. The irony is that his chick wasn’t even thinking of dumping him. He didn’t really want to dump her but did so to get a reaction from her, hoping she would say please don’t dump me. Instead she walked. Now he’s thinking how to get back with her because he made a colassal blunder of dumping her first . Tell me I’m wrong .
You're wrong. He made a thread about a chick with a wandering eye and multiple people including myself told OP that it's a frame of mind, that he has no control over what she looks and doesn't look at, and instead he should take note and take effective action. He's decided to dump and is having trouble staying decisive. Maybe it was too ballsy for his current frame of mind but this is good, he's forcing himself to grow and mature.

And your strategy of making them dump you sucks when the chick thinks the same way, which some do. When a woman wants to break up with you but doesn't want to be the one to do the actual breaking she'll start doing more and more disrespectful stuff until you're forced to cut it. If you never cut it then you become a huge cuck because you're telling the universe and her that you're ok with being treated like garbage. To make the other person dump you is childish, weak, and rooted in insecurity. You can't handle the guilt of having dumped someone? Weak. You're basically saying your guilt outweighs your belief in yourself.

Be decisive, commit, and move on.

No matter what you do going forward, no matter how long you remain strong, the perception of weakness will never leave her mind.
Also wrong. Her perception can be changed easily by OP not chasing and showing effortlessness in a happy life without her. How can she think he's weak if he goes on to effortlessly succeed in all areas of life without her? Rather it'll make him appear the prize and her feel like she's missing out. The key @TonyTenner is to manifest that awesome life for yourself, not to get her back. You develop more options the more you grow and work on yourself.
 

Glassguy

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I cant think of one good reason to ever break NC. Not one.

Move on. Why try to paint over garbage when you can start with a new blank canvas.

You left your favorite tee shirt at her place? Leave it.

The ONLY reason men break NC is because they got weak and reached out, putting them in a weaker position than they were already in.

NC is for you to move on and break the habit of daily communication with the woman (which takes 17 days according to most psychology experts). Its NOT a manipulative trick into getting her back.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I cant think of one good reason to ever break NC. Not one.

Move on. Why try to paint over garbage when you can start with a new blank canvas.

You left your favorite tee shirt at her place? Leave it.

The ONLY reason men break NC is because they got weak and reached out, putting them in a weaker position than they were already in.

NC is for you to move on and break the habit of daily communication with the woman (which takes 17 days according to most psychology experts). Its NOT a manipulative trick into getting her back.
It's a timeline for getting your self control and balls you gave up dealing with her. That was the reward.
 
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