BPD/Cluster B Oddities

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks Mauser. Much appreciated. You guys have helped me come a LONG way on here. A brutal dose of reality is what many other sites simply fail to provide... and they often defend these evil behaviors and give you hope when there isn't any...

Ruminating in coulda, shoulda, woulda will just END you. There is NOTHING you could have done differently that will change these people. Nobody can.

 

[usernamedox11]

BPD traits;

1. Lying
2. Snooping. Can hack your email or check your phone.
3. Lack of empathy
4. BiSexual
5. Pot smoking
6. Can do anything sexually.
7. STDs
8. lots of guy friends
9. No career/job
10. Lazy
11. Selfish
12. Accuses you of not "loving" her.
13. Callous
14. Blows up at the smallest thing
15. Brings up your past faults even though it has been resolved
16. Complains a lot...esp about prior relationships
17. Back aches/stomach aches
18. Can distance from you quickly and go to someone else quicky
19. Says she been abused etc.
20. Leaves relationships abruptly.

My BPD ex had showed a lot of the ones on your list: 1, 3, 6, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

One of the things I noticed with girls is those that are obsessed with their cats are nuts. My BPD ex was obsessed with her cats. She also spoke in a child like voice.

Another red flag to add to the list:
Cat owner

 

[JWT]

Thanks!

 

[orbion2013]

what cateogary would my ex fall into? i,m not sure if she could be labled as bdp or cluster b... or even narcassist


she did not have a relationship with her father, he died at young age

mother was an alcoholic, agressive woman whom married 4 times

most of her friends are single mothers, drinkers, some drug users, whom sleep around or have f@ck buddies

she tends to go for the alpha male type... bodybuilders & door men


when she met me, she showed alot of interest... more than usual


she knew how to stroke my ego


very sexual & quite controlling with it



"once i fell in love with her.... everything changed"


hot & cold

moody / bossy

silent treatments

sometimes i am the greatest guy.. then i am pure evil

over reacting over the slightes things

overly emotional

sweet & mean cycle

never ever admitting wrong doing

never apologizing

manipulating situations & twisting reality

using covert methods to put you down & make you feel small

walking out or walking away

long drawn out silent treatments... doesn't give in

using sex as a method of control

breaking up, then her initiating contact to try hoover me back in

breaking up / getting back together again & again

very unreliable

lying alot about things

the list goes on and on....


i went ghost on this scum over two weeks ago.... then she sent an email ending it...

gave her nothing for a reaction.... still ghost


i think it's best way to starve these woman of any reaction or attention & just vanish.... NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM AGAIN.. EVER


i have alot of healing to do myself... long road ahead of me!




"Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge"

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

 

[usernamedox11]

@orbion2013,

Kind of sounds like BPD to me. Saying that because you said her father died at a young age, her overreacting, and her having periods of glorifying and putting you down (splitting).

My BPD EX was similar: overreacting, father died at a young age, splitting (acting like I was perfect and the next acting like I'm a devil), walking out on me, lying, sex as a method of control to engage her (but i flipped it on her acting like I didn't care about sex so she always wanted sex), breaking up and her trying to get me back (trying to recreate her abandonment trauma of her dad dying), twisting reality, etc.

 

[orbion2013]

@orbion2013,

Kind of sounds like BPD to me. Saying that because you said her father died at a young age, her overreacting, and her having periods of glorifying and putting you down (splitting).

My BPD EX was similar: overreacting, father died at a young age, splitting (acting like I was perfect and the next acting like I'm a devil), walking out on me, lying, sex as a method of control to engage her (but i flipped it on her acting like I didn't care about sex so she always wanted sex), breaking up and her trying to get me back (trying to recreate her abandonment trauma of her dad dying), twisting reality, etc.

yeh i,m kind of leaning towards bdp too

as for the sex (it was all about control).... she would hardly ever initaite sex with me (even tho she wanted it)... it would be me who would have to initiate sex with her, but then she would turn me down & refuse it too....

or stop half way while sucking my c@ck delibratly to pisss me off... to excert sexual control over me

this used to hurt my feelings.... so i flipped it on her too.... i stopped initiating sex with her, only on the odd occasion....

on a few occasions, i refused her sex.. and she looked shocked


this made our sex life suffer, as we was not having sex very often... it was either me whom had to initiate it, or it was nothing...

but guess what? she started blaming me, for us not having much sex..

she accused me of not giving her sex even in the email after i went ghost on her

it was her mind games & control that was killing our sex life & i get the blame


this is why i am begining to realise that i was dealing with one very toxic, manipulative f@cked up individual

other things i observed... she would try to put me down, by saying something insulting, but she would disguise it in a jokey fashion...

then if i called her on her rude behaviour... she would accuse me of bieng boring & not bieng able to take a joke

i used to give her 10X worse than she could ever give me, and this used to shut her up... but then i was the bad guy again in her books

she was happy to dish dirt out to people, but not able to take any back


these woman are so f@cking dysfunctional

 

[JWT]

yeh i,m kind of leaning towards bdp too

as for the sex (it was all about control).... she would hardly ever initaite sex with me (even tho she wanted it)... it would be me who would have to initiate sex with her, but then she would turn me down & refuse it too....

or stop half way while sucking my c@ck delibratly to pisss me off... to excert sexual control over me

this used to hurt my feelings.... so i flipped it on her too.... i stopped initiating sex with her, only on the odd occasion....

on a few occasions, i refused her sex.. and she looked shocked


this made our sex life suffer, as we was not having sex very often... it was either me whom had to initiate it, or it was nothing...

but guess what? she started blaming me, for us not having much sex..

she accused me of not giving her sex even in the email after i went ghost on her

it was her mind games & control that was killing our sex life & i get the blame


this is why i am begining to realise that i was dealing with one very toxic, manipulative f@cked up individual

other things i observed... she would try to put me down, by saying something insulting, but she would disguise it in a jokey fashion...

then if i called her on her rude behaviour... she would accuse me of bieng boring & not bieng able to take a joke

i used to give her 10X worse than she could ever give me, and this used to shut her up... but then i was the bad guy again in her books

she was happy to dish dirt out to people, but not able to take any back


these woman are so f@cking dysfunctional

Like Johnny Alias said in a previous post on here, it's a waste of time figuring out if it is BPD, NPD, HPD or whatever. Point is, and you said it, they are toxic no matter how you slice it.

 

[Johnny Alias]

It's true guys. DO NOT BOTHER categorizing. All cluster B personalities overlap to a certain degree. Truly. What's more they will manifest certain PD specific traits at different times. Narcissism is inclusive all of them.

Don't waste your time classifying. I know you want to and god knows I did for hours even days poring over websites trying to figure out what I DID WRONG.

Do not do this. It's eating you up I know. Get therapy and a scrip Xanax or whatever to take when you HAVE to to get her out of your head. Alcohol is Inadvisable.

The point is.. She's toxic and will not change. She did NOT love you. You're a prop in a play or a toy she gets bored with. It will be the same with the next guy.

They are perpetually unhappy. Truly. Any brief moments where she seemed so were because she was distracted from her train wreck of a life or she was getting something SHE wanted.

Make peace with this and move on. Make a list of all the shvt she hated doing with you and the dreams you have and make it all happen.

You've got time now to make yourself happy. 100% of it was being used to make HER happy. Get it?

 

[orbion2013]

this is 100% correct


the fact is, they are toxic people... and not worthy of a relationship

remove them from your life, walk away, heal and meet a better quality female

 

[JWT]

I get it. I am the Caregiver/codependent type I learned, which is why I attracted her in the first place. If I change that about myself, then this won't happen again. Sometimes still have the urge to contact but won't this time. Need to read that NC guide on here everybody mentions.

 

[mikey2012]

I get it. I am the Caregiver/codependent type I learned, which is why I attracted her in the first place. If I change that about myself, then this won't happen again. Sometimes still have the urge to contact but won't this time. Need to read that NC guide on here everybody mentions.

Don't worry she will contact you

 

[orbion2013]

it would be better for him, if she didn't

 

[JWT]

Don't worry she will contact you

Hopefully not this time. She used to not be able to go a day or so without contact. Now a few days is no problem. I went a few days before without contact, so she is probably mirroring me. Who knows. Need to get my mind off of what her next move will be, if any, and stay NC for my benefit. They are such unpredictable creatures, which is perhaps why we were addicted to them.

 

[JWT]

BPD traits;

1. Lying
2. Snooping. Can hack your email or check your phone.
3. Lack of empathy
4. BiSexual
5. Pot smoking
6. Can do anything sexually.
7. STDs
8. lots of guy friends
9. No career/job
10. Lazy
11. Selfish
12. Accuses you of not "loving" her.
13. Callous
14. Blows up at the smallest thing
15. Brings up your past faults even though it has been resolved
16. Complains a lot...esp about prior relationships
17. Back aches/stomach aches
18. Can distance from you quickly and go to someone else quicky
19. Says she been abused etc.
20. Leaves relationships abruptly.

Thought of a few more:

Biting lower lip/nail biting - sign of anxiety. Mine did it a lot while driving.

Financial irresponsibility

Insomnia - mine used Ambien and Xanax to assist.

Procrastination

Disorganization

Hypersensitive to the way you observe her and especially your tone of voice when speaking to her.

Critical of everything you do/how you act.