Better to be dumper or dumpee?

[JonnyD123]

With the mindset of still always willing to walk away, would it be better to dump or get dumped?

I can see both sides. Dumping someone makes them wonder why they weren't "good enough" so to speak, even if it was abrupt, or coming to an end anyway.

However, if she dumps you, and you don't grovel, beg, or plead at her feet, go NC, and move on with your life, would it eat at her thinking maybe she let something great go?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Dumper.. I have never been dumped...

 

[TheProspect]

It doesn't matter if you dumped someone or they dumped you, how they feel about you and what they do from that point on is irrelevant to you.

But to answer your question, I would rather be dumped. I see it as them doing me a favor by not wasting my time dragging things on, however, if they are displaying little value to me to begin with I'd probably dump them before that point anyway.

 

[PatientOne]

I think it is situational.

 

[Billtx49]

If she's stable and it didn't work for you via red flags or her personality, dumper is better.
If she's unstable or cluster B and you were with her long enough to get your brains scrambled, it doesn't really matter.

 

[JonnyD123]

If she's stable and it didn't work for you via red flags or her personality, dumper is better.
If she's unstable or cluster B and you were with her long enough to get your brains scrambled, it doesn't matter.

I think I'm at your second point then. I could feel it coming. Not that I don't have self respect or anything, I just didn't want to live in regret. Hard to dump something you're invested into. I let her dump me, and I'll be using that as motivation in the gym for the next couple months.

 

[resilient]

...I'll be using that as motivation in the gym for the next couple months.

Good to be motivated after a breakup. Your body yields the most dividends with your time and investment in the gym.

 

[soulforge]

I think if the girl treated you like crap.. and its pretty clear to you, that you cannot have a healthy relationship with her.. she is toxic!

Why wait around to be dumped on top of that?

She treats you like crap, then dumps you... thats a BIG hit to your self esteem, and could take a long time to recover from..

Plus the regret of taking that treatment from her in the first place, and not having the guts to walk away..that regret will linger with you for a long time.

I do get it tho.. dumping a girl, then regreting it, is also a bitter pill to swallow!!

 

[MrAddiction]

I do get it tho.. dumping a girl, then regreting it, is also a bitter pill to swallow!!

If you were dreaded like shxt and dumped a Girl - there is nothing to regret. For sure you will still suffer the loss but you can only regret something that was in your hand - and Breaking up with a Girl that dreaded you badly and did not see what she did nor wanting to change her behaviour is nothing to have regret about.
You were not able to change the situation, you just could walk away. Reacting was all you could do.

 

[AlphaNate]

However, if she dumps you, and you don't grovel, beg, or plead at her feet, go NC, and move on with your life, would it eat at her thinking maybe she let something great go?

This is unhealthy thinking. Don't dwell on the past or wish ill on girls that are no longer in your life. They don't matter.

 

[Urbanyst]

There are benefits to both.

Sometimes as a guy its better to be dumped because you can go NC and don't have to deal with her crazy damaged ego. Dumping women isn't fun and things can get ugly if her ego is damaged too bad.