Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,196
- Reaction score
- 204
Hey guys, Harry Wilmington here...
So, I just read another post on here about some guy dealing with a girl who just had his baby (pending a DNA test) and is getting crap from her. I've seen similar scenarios happen before, and thought I would share some wisdom that guys really need to have before they start drooling all over a girl.
I have 2 friends, a guy and a girl. The guy friend got married to a girl he went to church with for years. Both were virgins when they got married to each other (ages 25), and they had a kid.
The girl friend met a guy 4 years ago at her workplace. Handsome and muscular, he was a guy who had the looks she always wanted in a guy. They dated on and off for a few years and then she got pregnant. Being that they were going to have a child together, they only thought it right to move in together and live happily ever after.
Fast-forward in both of these relationships...
The guy friend and his wife got divorced. She moved herself and his son from their Los Angeles residence to Baltimore, MD, so she could be near her sister. I moved to Cali a few months after she split, so I got to see my friend go through two years of back-and-forth with his ex about being able to have his son come out and visit him. It wasn't until he finally decided to go to divorce court (they were only legally separated prior to this) that the judge decreed he had a right to see his child.
The girl friend, meanwhile, had her ex decide he wanted to leave her. Basically, he got tired of being around her, despite the fact that she was basically doing everything for him, from paying for their meals when they went out, to cooking for him, cleaning for him, filling out job/school applications for him to better himself... in short, doing all the wifey stuff.
They decided to split custody of the son, but dealing with her ex has been anything but rosy. She is constantly battling him when she ask him for simple request, and is petty about a lot of unimportant ish (for example: last week she went to pick him up at daycare, and when she asked the teacher if she had an extra pair of clothes for him, she said the father said not to let her take them with her. Like, wtf, really?!?)
---
Now, I am a firm believer that people always show off their true selves early on in the relationship. Any personality defects that are going to clash with how you like to operate should show themselves within the first 3 months of dating.
The problem is, there are so many people out there who are afraid of being alone that as soon as somebody starts to show an interest in them, they let their joy of being wanted overtake their common sense that says they need to fully investigate who this person is before being fully committed.
I see so many people on these boards talking about their one-i-tis crush, and part of me wants to laugh while the other part wants me to slap them in the face. Why? Because they DON'T REALLY KNOW THE PERSON.
They have an idea in their head of what this person might be like, or what they hope they'll be like, and start projecting that reality onto said person, even when the person isn't really LIKE that. By doing so, though, they may miss out on the signs that indicate the person may either (a) have low interest or (b) have qualities about them that, when ignored, will cause them great pain later on.
Take, for example, my guy friend. I went to college with both him and his future ex-wife. Prior to them going out, I took her out on an AFC date (i.e. asked if we could "hang out" while considering it a date in my head). I remember we saw a movie, then sat down someplace to eat. I told a joke that wasn't high in taste, but not too offensive either. Her face remained flat. At that point, all I could think is, "wow, her sense of humor only goes so far. Eh, she may not be the one..."
Interestingly, one of the things my friend said later on was that she took things way too seriously, almost to the ridiculous sometimes. On top of that, there were other things that occurred that were "red flags" but my friend chose to ignore them. These things would later come back to bite him in the butt later before and after they broke up.
As for my girl friend, her story is an even BETTER example of by-passing negatives. The first time I met this guy was when she came to visit me on set for a video I was filming. After he met me and said guy friend above, along with the other dudes on set (Don Magic Juan being one of them), she told me later that they went back to the car and had a 20 minute argument about him being jealous of "all those guys you know."
As months would pass, I'd hear story after story about how she got into a variety of dumb arguments with dude... but how she just couldn't leave him because the sex was so good.
Know what I get to hear nowadays? I get to hear about how he's not that good of a father; how she felt betrayed and lied to; and how she feels bad that she wasn't able to see the signs early on that indicated how bad of a choice he was - despite the fact that, as her friend, I was pointing out all these things to her prior to getting pregnant.
---
So, fellas, when you first meet a girl, and you start developing feeling for her, it's important to stop, take a step back and be objective. It's important not to try and rush the pacing of a relationship OR your feelings because it can have dire consequences later on.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing to feel something for someone. However, it IS bad to get one-i-tis for any girl because it can blind you to the realities of her situation. You could be dating someone who's mean to others, likes to start fights, is always nagging you to death, constantly wants things her way, never likes to think anything is her fault, or is putting you down on a regular basis.
If you're not objective, you could end up ignoring that stuff simply because you've just gotta have somebody, even if that somebody isn't right for you. It's usually an ego thing, but your ego can land you in hot water later when the girl you decided to end up with that was a bad choice, is suddenly coming to you telling you she doesn't want you, is keeping YOUR baby AND is taking you to court to sue you for all you've got.
You want a girl that's easy to get along with; someone who is NICE, to you AND others; someone who makes you feel like she WANTS to be with you. TRUST me, it's worth waiting for to find someone like this, 'cause the opposite is far, faaaaar worse.
Hope this helps!
- Harry Wilmington
So, I just read another post on here about some guy dealing with a girl who just had his baby (pending a DNA test) and is getting crap from her. I've seen similar scenarios happen before, and thought I would share some wisdom that guys really need to have before they start drooling all over a girl.
I have 2 friends, a guy and a girl. The guy friend got married to a girl he went to church with for years. Both were virgins when they got married to each other (ages 25), and they had a kid.
The girl friend met a guy 4 years ago at her workplace. Handsome and muscular, he was a guy who had the looks she always wanted in a guy. They dated on and off for a few years and then she got pregnant. Being that they were going to have a child together, they only thought it right to move in together and live happily ever after.
Fast-forward in both of these relationships...
The guy friend and his wife got divorced. She moved herself and his son from their Los Angeles residence to Baltimore, MD, so she could be near her sister. I moved to Cali a few months after she split, so I got to see my friend go through two years of back-and-forth with his ex about being able to have his son come out and visit him. It wasn't until he finally decided to go to divorce court (they were only legally separated prior to this) that the judge decreed he had a right to see his child.
The girl friend, meanwhile, had her ex decide he wanted to leave her. Basically, he got tired of being around her, despite the fact that she was basically doing everything for him, from paying for their meals when they went out, to cooking for him, cleaning for him, filling out job/school applications for him to better himself... in short, doing all the wifey stuff.
They decided to split custody of the son, but dealing with her ex has been anything but rosy. She is constantly battling him when she ask him for simple request, and is petty about a lot of unimportant ish (for example: last week she went to pick him up at daycare, and when she asked the teacher if she had an extra pair of clothes for him, she said the father said not to let her take them with her. Like, wtf, really?!?)
---
Now, I am a firm believer that people always show off their true selves early on in the relationship. Any personality defects that are going to clash with how you like to operate should show themselves within the first 3 months of dating.
The problem is, there are so many people out there who are afraid of being alone that as soon as somebody starts to show an interest in them, they let their joy of being wanted overtake their common sense that says they need to fully investigate who this person is before being fully committed.
I see so many people on these boards talking about their one-i-tis crush, and part of me wants to laugh while the other part wants me to slap them in the face. Why? Because they DON'T REALLY KNOW THE PERSON.
They have an idea in their head of what this person might be like, or what they hope they'll be like, and start projecting that reality onto said person, even when the person isn't really LIKE that. By doing so, though, they may miss out on the signs that indicate the person may either (a) have low interest or (b) have qualities about them that, when ignored, will cause them great pain later on.
Take, for example, my guy friend. I went to college with both him and his future ex-wife. Prior to them going out, I took her out on an AFC date (i.e. asked if we could "hang out" while considering it a date in my head). I remember we saw a movie, then sat down someplace to eat. I told a joke that wasn't high in taste, but not too offensive either. Her face remained flat. At that point, all I could think is, "wow, her sense of humor only goes so far. Eh, she may not be the one..."
Interestingly, one of the things my friend said later on was that she took things way too seriously, almost to the ridiculous sometimes. On top of that, there were other things that occurred that were "red flags" but my friend chose to ignore them. These things would later come back to bite him in the butt later before and after they broke up.
As for my girl friend, her story is an even BETTER example of by-passing negatives. The first time I met this guy was when she came to visit me on set for a video I was filming. After he met me and said guy friend above, along with the other dudes on set (Don Magic Juan being one of them), she told me later that they went back to the car and had a 20 minute argument about him being jealous of "all those guys you know."
As months would pass, I'd hear story after story about how she got into a variety of dumb arguments with dude... but how she just couldn't leave him because the sex was so good.
Know what I get to hear nowadays? I get to hear about how he's not that good of a father; how she felt betrayed and lied to; and how she feels bad that she wasn't able to see the signs early on that indicated how bad of a choice he was - despite the fact that, as her friend, I was pointing out all these things to her prior to getting pregnant.
---
So, fellas, when you first meet a girl, and you start developing feeling for her, it's important to stop, take a step back and be objective. It's important not to try and rush the pacing of a relationship OR your feelings because it can have dire consequences later on.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing to feel something for someone. However, it IS bad to get one-i-tis for any girl because it can blind you to the realities of her situation. You could be dating someone who's mean to others, likes to start fights, is always nagging you to death, constantly wants things her way, never likes to think anything is her fault, or is putting you down on a regular basis.
If you're not objective, you could end up ignoring that stuff simply because you've just gotta have somebody, even if that somebody isn't right for you. It's usually an ego thing, but your ego can land you in hot water later when the girl you decided to end up with that was a bad choice, is suddenly coming to you telling you she doesn't want you, is keeping YOUR baby AND is taking you to court to sue you for all you've got.
You want a girl that's easy to get along with; someone who is NICE, to you AND others; someone who makes you feel like she WANTS to be with you. TRUST me, it's worth waiting for to find someone like this, 'cause the opposite is far, faaaaar worse.
Hope this helps!
- Harry Wilmington