Being Friendly

[omkara]

I just had this realization that it's possible to go too far with DJ attitude of being aloof and "too cool." Part of being confident is being one who confides in others. You reach out, take the first step to draw others out and initiate relationships that everyone wants but is too scared to reach out for. You assume the friendship, you assume people will like you and want to be your friend. So it's good to be friendly, affectionate, in a non-needy way. For example, calling a girl cute is not always pandering to get her approval. Sometimes it's objectifying her and putting you in the frame of judging and approving or disapproving of her. I don't think girls are going to be like, 'oh that guy is so aloof! he must be so cool!' Giving compliments and being available (periodically) are not always attraction killers, they can be used off and on to create a connection.

The ideal would be to alternate between the aloofness and friendliness. In behavioral operant conditioning, the variable schedule of reinforcement is more reinforcing than the fixed schedule of reinforcement. In other words, alternate between the two and be unpredictable.

If you see a girl on a regular basis for school/work/circle of friends then you can play the aloof game. But if you're only meeting her once randomly through online or bar pickup then the aloof thing is not going to work.

Disclaimer: I don't really consider myself an expert or super successful with women. There are so many posters on this board who are more knowledgable about women than me. This is based on my limited success and experience. It's more of just a realization I had.

 

[DanelMadr]

Most of the fundamental methods have to be modified to match you, your integrity, your nature etc. So you are absolutely right to question the DJ image.
Most of the experiences gathered on SS involve Club/bar game which is somewhat special. Everything is amplified there.

Just be aware of the trap of neediness. With an armor/crutch of aloofness it is to project your confidence and not to fall in that trap.

 

[vcumenina]

Omkara, I agree. Aloofness has its role. It draws "us" in - sparks our curiousity; however, too much will lead a woman with an ounce of self-esteem to think you're not interested, and she'll move on. They're plenty of men out there. Why waste energy or time on an aloof male? But the male, as you suggest, who combines moments of aloofness with genuine interest and compliments wins the affection of a woman. Too many compliments for a confident woman is displeasing and annoying.

 

[Wilko]

What you're saying is congruent with this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182350

The TED video is worth watching, she's a great speaker with a good sense of humour....for a girl.

Anyway brother I was actually logging on to PM you! Just wanted to see how your OKC adventures were working out.

 

[richboy10]

What you're saying is congruent with this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182350

The TED video is worth watching, she's a great speaker with a good sense of humour....for a girl.

Anyway brother I was actually logging on to PM you! Just wanted to see how your OKC adventures were working out.

nice vid.. worth it.

 

[davewe]

nice vid.. worth it.

It is a nice video with several great points: embracing your vulnerability, worthiness, telling yourself that you're enough.

But isn't it completely counter to most of the messages on this forum? How do you reconcile how we're taught to act toward women on this forum with what is in this video? Should we really show women that we're vulnerable?

 

[FairShake]

Us NERDS on this forum see JERKS having success with WOMEN and wonder why not us. We need to become JERKS we think.

But these JERKS are CONFIDENT and SOCIAL and those two things are the key to getting women. A FRIENDLY, CONFIDENT, SOCIAL guy will score as much or MORE than a JERK anyDAY.

 

[Alanswer]

I think you're confusing "friendly" with "respectful" and/or "interested" in HER, who she really is, what she feels...

Because if you don't tease and or push-pull her you can come across as dull, border-line "nice guy".

You need to create (sexual) tension. And it's not by being friendly you're gonna achieve that.

Still, I don't subscribe to the bad guy myth either. No need to be a jerk... Sometimes you can, though. If telling her the (unappealing, negative) truth, what you really think about something she did or said is being a jerk...

But NOT to treat her like sh#, of course.