Behaviours of emotionally insecure women

[Crp2424]

Hey all,

First of all may I say, top forum. There's some fantastic advice in here, I've been lurking and reading it for about a month. My game, since my teenage years, has been reasonable at best and woeful at worst, but I'm certainly working hard now to solve it.

I just wanted to share a story about a Colombian woman I've been dating. Constructive criticism is welcome.

I've been dating various women the past year, seeking an LTR. I've been seeing this Colombian girl for 3 months, it started fantastically but it's been fraught with problems (flaking, hot/cold, lack of communication, treating me like a king in front of her/my family, then being a cvnt in private etc).

As well as this, I have a sneaking suspicion that this girl is dating me not because she's into me, but instead because she wants to prove to her family and friends that she can get and keep a boyfriend. And I'm of the opinion that she's not particularly emotionally stable, she said she loved me after like 2-3 weeks of dating, and when I didn't reciprocate, kept at me until I eventually said it to shut her up.

This all came to a head yesterday. I patiently said to her, with no hate or malice, that I was prepared to commit to a relationship with her, if that's what she wanted. However I went on to say that if that's not what she wants, or we can't be open and honest with each other, we should end it and both move on. She dodged it, said a few sentences ending in 'I don't want to talk about this right now' and bailed.

That lead me to think that if it's not working at 3 months, there's certainly no future in it. And I'm too old to waste my time on stupid bs.

Tonight I was up late unable to sleep, and I jumped on a dating site and made a fresh profile. Stupidly, I didn't look at the privacy settings first and my gf got an invite in her FB inbox from me for the site. Yep, oops. She proceeded to confront me with screen shots, then flipped out completely as if she'd walked in on me fvcking one of her friends. The thing is, we never even said we were together as a couple, so I'm not sure her behaviour is justified (this is what I was asking her about yesterday, and she dodged it).

I apologized (the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her), and explained that I'd totally understand if, in the morning, she'd want to delete me out of her life. In the long run, that would probably be best for me anyway, and it will likely happen - she's very close to her family and they're going to hate me now. Such is life.

I think the biggest mistake I made was not holding her accountable in the early stages when she flaked etc. Actually, she was the most cooperative, loving and least bitchy when she sensed I had no problem with walking out. Perhaps I should be like this at all times in relationships?

What do you guys think about this situation, and particularly her flipout at my dating site faux pas? How could I improve next time?

I am genuinely trying to improve in all areas of life and game so I'm happy to hear people's advice.

Cheers from Oz

 

[wifehunter]

Walk away!!! And keep walking!

High maintenance/bipolar is too many problems.

 

[Poon King]

You cannot change other people.

A lot of people walk around with this idea in their head that they can actually change other people. At best you can educated them and communicate what you want and expect. You cannot MAKE people behave the way you want. So when you are not happy in a relationship, its usually time to leave. It won't get better.

Also, you should NEVER be dating just one woman. Make them all compete and if you MUST be in a LTR then pick the one that works hardest to seduce you.

 

[TheGambino]

NOT enjoying the moment, constantly thinking guys are using them.

 

[highSpeed]

controlling and generally any alpha female traits. Life it too short to fight for them for control and usually means they are insecure.

 

[Red Legg]

You should have never told her that you loved her just to shut her up,if it were me she would have had to earn that !

 

[El Payaso]

You need to lay into her. Tell her that you wanted a meaningful relationship with her but in her own words "she didn't want to talk about it" and she bailed. Therefore, you two were not in a relationship so you were free to date other women.

Tell her she is being a massive hypocrite and a big baby. Since she won't reciprocate your "love", you decided to give it to someone else.

If she has any interest in you, that will ignite her competition anxiety and ramp up her interest.

 

[Serenity]

@Crp2424 Being super nice in public and an a$$hole in private is a narcissistic trait. Not saying she is a full blown narcissist, I don't know enough to be sure of that. But that is a textbook narcissistic trait. So yeah, emotionally insecure and unstable would be an accurate assessment.

About the dating profile I don't think you should have apologized, it's dishonest as you're obviously already halfway out of this. You should have just ended it there. Her behavior isn't justified because you have made no commitment to be exclusive, thus you have not broken any promise.

You ask how you could improve next time as if it's your fault she's messed up. Do not blame yourself for this one, she fvcked up more than you did. What you can improve is your screening to avoid women like this in the future. Learn what early warning signs you saw with this one and look out for it, bail if you see a lot of similarities. Keep the pace you had though, slow and steady. Don't love her too fast and don't committ unless you are sure she's is the way she is and is stable.

You should definitely dump this one, if I it isn't clear from what I write. Don't postpone it, you know it's inevitable.

 

[sazc]

Next next next next next

I've said it before and I will say it again, why do you men allow yourselves to be emotionally abused by women?

 

[wifehunter]

Next next next next next

I've said it before and I will say it again, why do you men allow yourselves to be emotionally abused by women?

I always wanted to be a doormat, so people can walk all over me!!! (Verbal irony)

 

[Crp2424]

@Crp2424 Being super nice in public and an a$$hole in private is a narcissistic trait. Not saying she is a full blown narcissist, I don't know enough to be sure of that. But that is a textbook narcissistic trait. So yeah, emotionally insecure and unstable would be an accurate assessment.

About the dating profile I don't think you should have apologized, it's dishonest as you're obviously already halfway out of this. You should have just ended it there. Her behavior isn't justified because you have made no commitment to be exclusive, thus you have not broken any promise.

You ask how you could improve next time as if it's your fault she's messed up. Do not blame yourself for this one, she fvcked up more than you did. What you can improve is your screening to avoid women like this in the future. Learn what early warning signs you saw with this one and look out for it, bail if you see a lot of similarities. Keep the pace you had though, slow and steady. Don't love her too fast and don't committ unless you are sure she's is the way she is and is stable.

You should definitely dump this one, if I it isn't clear from what I write. Don't postpone it, you know it's inevitable.

Cheers for the replies everyone. She is an infantile narcissist, plain and simple. All the hallmarks are there... Being a fvckwit on the way to the party, then smothering me with kisses and showing me off to all her single cousins once we get there...
Vanity - Never being able to put the smartphone down, selfie after selfie... Silent treatment, which is totally abusive and fvcked up... She's doing this to me today because of my 'infidelity'.
So since new years' eve she's really become a total ***** and kind of self immolated, because she's obviously realising that I don't give a much of a fvck if she walks, and her $hitty weapons of narcissistic manipulation and $ex aren't really working.

∆∆ I wrote all this because it may help someone else spot a person with these personality traits, and avoid them. Its not worth the mind****, even if the pvss is excellent.

Trials by fire. Dating this loopy chick forced me to learn more than reading any book could.

And yes I need to end it today.

"I've said it before and I will say it again, why do you men allow yourselves to be emotionally abused by women?"

For me personally, in this circumstance, I noticed the initial strange behaviours, but let them slide because I was enjoying the pvssy, laughs, food etc. Then it started getting ugly. I'm no Don Juan, if I was maybe I would have just sent her away when I picked up on the really fvcked up behaviors, but I was enjoying myself. Live and learn.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Cheers for the replies everyone. She is an infantile narcissist, plain and simple. All the hallmarks are there... Being a fvckwit on the way to the party, then smothering me with kisses and showing me off to all her single cousins once we get there...
Vanity - Never being able to put the smartphone down, selfie after selfie... Silent treatment, which is totally abusive and fvcked up... She's doing this to me today because of my 'infidelity'.
So since new years' eve she's really become a total ***** and kind of self immolated, because she's obviously realising that I don't give a much of a fvck if she walks, and her $hitty weapons of narcissistic manipulation and $ex aren't really working.

∆∆ I wrote all this because it may help someone else spot a person with these personality traits, and avoid them. Its not worth the mind****, even if the pvss is excellent.

Trials by fire. Dating this loopy chick forced me to learn more than reading any book could.

And yes I need to end it today.

"I've said it before and I will say it again, why do you men allow yourselves to be emotionally abused by women?"

For me personally, in this circumstance, I noticed the initial strange behaviours, but let them slide because I was enjoying the pvssy, laughs, food etc. Then it started getting ugly. I'm no Don Juan, if I was maybe I would have just sent her away when I picked up on the really fvcked up behaviors, but I was enjoying myself. Live and learn.

Yeah, I was in this same situation. It was a "voodoo" torture exchange of hot passionate sex for brains, my brains... All their narcissistic bs is some head shrinking stuff on your end and head expanding on their end. To have that much power over someone like a slave driver.

 

[Serenity]

@Crp2424 Good to hear you're ending it. I forgot to add, you should always be ready to walk away and always know what you will not tolerate.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over a year now. It's going really well and I don't think that's going to change, but I'm still ready to walk away from it if she turns crazy. I don't think about walking away all the time, but I do occasionally remind myself to never believe the relationship can't fail horribly and walking is always an option.

You should definitely be like this at all times, you should never give them the belief that you'll stay even if they do things you don't like.

 

[Crp2424]

Yeah, I was in this same situation. It was a "voodoo" torture exchange of hot passionate sex for brains, my brains... All their narcissistic bs is some head shrinking stuff on your end and head expanding on their end. To have that much power over someone like a slave driver.

Its heavy stuff, isn't it? When I first was around this girl, even before the bizarre $hit started, I noticed something strange... She was super cute and bubbly, and full of laughter and energy... But every time we hung out I felt she was draining my energy, like a vampire.

Anyway this afternoon I called her out on a heap of stuff and broke it off clean, deleted her Facebook, WhatsApp, phone number... She proceeded to keep messaging me, to which I replied little. Eventually she gave up.

Narcissists are expert manipulators and liars, they are never wrong, and I don't think they can feel empathy for others. They'll go to any length to latch on to people and consume their soul, and even just being around them takes massive amounts of energy. It seriously leaves you exhausted.

If I do speak to her by chance again I'll call her out on all aspects of her narcissistic personality disorder and suggest she gets professional help. It is treatable.
I genuinely care about the girl, but she just causes way to many problems.