Becoming comfortable with being socially isolated

[Firefly]

18 months ago, I managed to lose all my friends because of internal politics and a woman who decided to tell everyone I took advantage of her rather then admit she cheated on her boyfriend.

This was an experience that left me quite scarred, and anxious about meeting new people.

I started grad school around the same time, which also ate up a lot of my time and made it easy to avoid social opportunities. I started up a new social group but lost interest, and it quickly drifted apart.

I finish in a year, and realised I probably have less then 10 good friends to my name now.

The other aspects of my life are going well - after grad school, I will be quite secure financially. I also went back to the gym after realising it was a good way to deal with depression, so lost a bunch of weight and am in good shape physically. I also learnt to identify solid friendships, so spent the last year with the friends who proved to be trustworthy, while also nurturing the one or two friendships I started last year which I feel are based on genuine shared values.

However, I still feel adrift as a result of having previously had a wide social network which quickly drifted away. Is it possible to build this network again after I finish grad school at my age? Should I even bother? Am I just being a whiny little *****? All opinions welcome.

 

[Mike32ct]

Quality over quantity.

When I was 15, my high school physics teacher told me "If you have one or two good friends in your life, consider yourself lucky." I thought that was ridiculous at the time.

He was right.

I have ONE great friend that has had my back for the past 12 years.

Everybody else is an acquaintance. Any other people in my circle are a bonus.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Its often said that you're born alone and you die alone. There will be times in your life when you have many friends and times when you have few or none. You should be comfortable with BOTH.

Understand that as life does on.. sh!t happens and people go in different directions. Do you think if you live to age 90 you'll still have a big circle of friends? I doubt it. Most will be dead or miles away. Groups also break up when members get married and have kids.

The nature of male friendship is more like "alliances" than actual friendships. Men are purpose driven. Women have "friends" because they are willing to have relationships for "relationship sake" and no other reason. Even if they don't like the person. :crackup:

The key is to follow your own path and meet people along the way. Do what YOU enjoy and you'll meet others who enjoy the same things. Never force relationships or develop a co-dependent need for them (like women do).

Remember.. the more you need others, the less free you are. But this advice is coming from a life long lone wolf. I've always been naturally independent and detested authority or "needing" others. Being a lone wolf who always does his own thing will alienate some people who need that strong group bond / dynamic. I can't operate that way. Luckily I've always had a gift for making a great first impression so I make new friends easily (also helps me get laid).

 

[PeakIV]

I have one good friend who has always been there over the years the same as mike32ct. 2 other great friends I see a few times a year and that's about it.

others are just acquaintance's or work contacts. countless friends fell by the wayside or moved away, died, got killed, or killed themselves.

Thats life it's ok I do my own thing and am happy in my own company.

Wish I knew about the red pill thing years ago!

 

[Firefly]

And look at it this way - after your drama with that skank, you found out just how good your "friends" really were.

V.true. Kind of annoying how quickly "friends", particularly girls, were willing to ditch me though - I had friends whom I helped out for years turn their backs on me as soon as the story came out, and only a small handful ask me what my side was. Not sure which was worse - the female friends who decided they needed to support a girl most of them had never met, or the males who deicded they wanted to be white knights.

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't think of yourself as socially isolated. Think of it as "pulling the weeds" or "taking out the trash."

One of the most important things a DJ can do is weed out the negative, toxic people in his life. Keep the good people that support and encourage you and dump the rest.

It's ok to continually socialize and meet new people. That's good, but your INNER CIRCLE should be one or two or three max. cherry picked QUALITY friends that have your back. Being part of your inner circle is a privilege that takes years to earn. Some dude you met at a party a month ago doesn't count lol.

 

[LongLostFriend]

Having female friends is silly.

Was this a work situation? If so, why didn't you have non-work friends?