Assh*le father

[Blue Phoenix]

Hey Djs tell me what you think.

If you have a "father" that is in most of the times mocking you, disrespecting you and being inconsiderate, what would you do?

I had this problem. I could almost never say no to him, otherwise he'd become angry and would shout at me. I had to obey to him like a servant, do things the way he wanted and when he wanted. As if I didn't have any choice or "rights" JUST because I'm his "son".

When I did well in college or when I did well in any situation of my life he'd say it was my duty, and nothing more. If I'd failed he'd probably say "I'm ashamed to call you my son" or "you deserved". Sometimes he'd even say "I've pity for you when you mom dies", and so on.

Later he'd complain and say "you're too passive". In fact I knew that BUT it was because of him. He was practically "sabotaging" my self-steem.

It was complicated to me because from one point he was my "father" and I felt like a traitor to be against him, BUT from the other one, I was tired of his BS and wanted to turn the tables.

After a lot of reading on my part I discovered he was the main reason why I've had problems standing up for myselt, as well as having an unstable sense of self. So for the first time I confronted him and told him I was tired of being treated that way and that I'd not accept any BS from him and that he was a bad "father".

From that moment on, I decided to ignore him. I banned him from my world (even though we still live in the same house).

I'm in my "twenties".

Tell me what's your perspective about this issue!

P.S:
Some people may ask "Wtf this has to do with seduction"? It's simple. I believe that the home environment we live is what gives us our basic foundations of self-steem (which is intrinsically related to Djuanism).

The rule of thumb says "take no BS from women", but if you take BS at home, you'll probably take BS outside of it (especially from women).

Mods, I WOULD like that this thread would not be moved!

 

[Sato21m]

let me be the first one to say that i feel bad for you

A father that treats you like **** is something really fvcked up and you should leave i know it hurts but thats life we dont choose our parents and if your dad is an ******* you shoulld't respect him he dosent deserv it.
Maybe you have been more succesful that him and a better son thant what he was and he got problems with it.

Or maybe his dad was an ******* also and he got it from your grandfather either way tell him your a man and your his son and he should show you his respect and his love

 

[MrBond_Age]

Originally posted by Dayr0n

Or maybe his dad was an ******* also and he got it from your grandfather either way tell him your a man and your his son and he should show you his respect and his love

It is probable but its seldomly the case. Most people who had violent parents do not turn violent against their own children. I just suspect he is an ******* plain and simple, just like my mother is.

My mother was exactly the same. She cheated and I cought her internet conversations/passwords/emails... and gave it to my father. I got rid of her and Im now living an healthy life.

 

[static]

Sorry about your situation. I really feel for you. This is a problem that doesn't get much attention, but I totally understand how it can screw up your game...and not only with women. Just don't use it as a reason to be less than you could be otherwise your subconcious will just lead you to acheive less because you have justified and rationalized it via your excuse.

Some people just aren't gonna change their ways, but in your case it's your father. Since he's a guy (more logical) it's more likely that he'll change.

 

[WaterTiger]

He probably thinks he's "making you tough" by treating you like crap. That you'll do just what you're doing, finally standing up for yourself and telling him where to step off.

Dads who want their sons to be tough and independent are afraid that encouragement and fatherly support will make you "soft".

 

[joecollapoppa]

Once I turned 18, I would've either yelled at him or kicked his arse
LOL. At least you banned him from your world, now you can gain self esteem w/o all of that negativity.

 

[iMat]

Your father, is a hell of a man.

Do you like yourself? If you do, I would go and thank him.

Unlike most spoiled kids today who think they're opinions matter, and make themselves into a ***** of society, I see your father has gone against his natural love and acceptance of you to mould you into a real man.

So kudos to that man.

--iMat

 

[Cbaoth]

Originally posted by iMat
Your father, is a hell of a man.

Do you like yourself? If you do, I would go and thank him.

Unlike most spoiled kids today who think they're opinions matter, and make themselves into a ***** of society, I see your father has gone against his natural love and acceptance of you to mould you into a real man.

So kudos to that man.

--iMat

He has methodically stripped this guys self esteem. I am in the same situation, and believe me I am no more of a man for it! It is disgraceful behaviour and I will not carry this onto my children.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Reply

to mould you into a real man.

Since when can you mold a man by shattering his self steem ?


In the basic Dj rules, we have "If a girl disrespects you" or "make you look like a fool" walk away.

I had to do it with my own family member. That's even more though!

this is a problem that doesn't get much attention, but I totally understand how it can screw up your game...and not only with women.

That's the point. IT's impressive that just now I woke up and decided that his actions are unberable! I grown up in this "fashion" so I never suspected anything was wrong, but it was. I was brainwashed. He'd told my mom to tell me that it's bad to be mad at him!!!

When he was being bad he would say that I was being too sensitive and that I'd to forget/"put up with" (not stand up, WTF?) what he said! In fact, If I stood up for myself he'd see as I'm being disrespectful and agressive! (WTF????????????).

He probably thinks he's "making you tough" by treating you like crap. That you'll do just what you're doing, finally standing up for yourself and telling him where to step off.

I understand your point. I know there're fathers like that. But one thing is to be rigid yet a good father, another thing is not to respect your individuality and call you names and/or shout at you for minor things. Just to get some ideas, Sometimes I just woke up with his "temper tantums/ "shouts" with/at my mom. Sometimes he brings food but if I'm sleeping he wakes me up to eat! WTF? I'm sleeping sh*t!

Your father, is a hell of a man.

You mean, he comes from hell. Ah, I agree!

Just don't use it as a reason to be less than you could be otherwise your subconcious will just lead you to acheive less because you have justified and rationalized it via your excuse.

You're right! But you know, I have a "baggage" to solve and its not easy. Because of the way he treated me, when someone would compliments me I usually think they're being false and are doing it just to appease me! You get the picture!

Because of this type of people we have murderes, f*cked up people out there. THank God, I've being stong and I didnt allow it to screw up my head (maybe some part of it). I was raised to "appease" him, as If I was a puppy not a real person. Come on, I wont put up with his crap.

I think that's a major change in my life. I'll avoid his negativity and become stronger. As I've "nexted" my own "father" I'll be easier to next "B*tches" from now on. Thats the way my selfsteem will get solid!

P.S:
In my confrontation he said I'd be a failure if I negleted him as a father. I almost said "It's better to be a failure than to be close to you (which is much worse)". I didnt have option. It was not the first time I had complaint about his behavior. He'll never change!

 

[squirrels]

I hear a story with two possible sides.

On one hand, it's very possible that your father is as much of an azzhole as you claim he is and he DID shatter your self-esteem.

On the other hand, it's also very possible that he was just a hard-azz in general and you are blaming your problems on that instead of taking responsibility for them yourself.

I can't tell. I dont' know you or your dad and I'm just a guy on some Internet forum.

I can tell you this...since you're in your "twenties" (and I'm guessing somewhere deep in your twenties, because if you were only 21 you would say so and not be embarassed to still be living at home), it's time for you to take your weight on your own shoulders. Your college is on you, for example. Whether you succeed or fail, you can't blame him. Because in the real world you don't get an "honorary" degree for being domestically abused. Sorry.

It sounds like you're done with college and it's time for you to get up out of the house and do something on your own. Whether your dad abused you at this point is irrelevant. What IS relevant is whether you continue to make yourself a victim or you stand up and grab yourself by the stones and get your life together.

My little brother feels the same way about MY father sometimes, but at the same time I know a lot of it is just misunderstanding and not knowing what to expect from each other. That may not be your situation, and if you really were put through hell, then I feel for you. But at this point all that matters is what YOU are going to do about it. You're old enough now that you're responsible for your OWN life. And the more you take on that responsibility, the greater your self-esteem grows.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Good Squirrels

Whether your dad abused you at this point is irrelevant. What IS relevant is whether you continue to make yourself a victim or you stand up and grab yourself by the stones and get your life together.

That's what I'm doing. I decided not to put up with his BS/lies/false promises and I'm by myself now.

The problem is that he tries to control me and wants me to ask for permission to anything which is really annoying. AS I banned Him, I dont think I've to do this anymore.

You're old enough now that you're responsible for your OWN life. And the more you take on that responsibility, the greater your self-esteem grows.

Yeah! And this forum had opened my eyes (and taught me about being a man, not a wimp).

Even though I have some issues to solve, I'm not saying all my problems comes because of him (but most comes). I think I've solved 40 - 60% of my problems here.

That's why I posted here. I just wanted to know what you'd do you in my case!!!

 

[squirrels]

Re: Good Squirrels

Originally posted by Blue Phoenix
The problem is that he tries to control me and wants me to ask for permission to anything which is really annoying. AS I banned Him, I dont think I've to do this anymore.

Perhaps not, but you being 20something, he doesn't have to let you live in his house, either. If you're out of college, and can't find a happy medium with him, I'd get a job and move out. You're kind of out of excuses there.

This isn't a criticism of you...you should be looking at it as an opportunity.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I'm trapped!

Lol.

Yeah. He is still the owner of this house. There may be a certain minimum rules I have to obey.

My mom, has another house, maybe she can lend me, lol!

 

[Julian]

Move out man. nothing you can say or do is going to change the person your father is.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Move out

Move out man. nothing you can say or do is going to change the person your father is.

Yeah Julian, I agree. He always promise to change, but it's useless.

This reminds me of the bad guy who mistreat women. When they decide to walk away he promises to change, but after some time he starts misbehaving again,... like a cycle.

He's very selfish and doesnt allow me to drive the car, and he's envy of others.

I must move out as soon as possible.

 

[joecollapoppa]

Moon your dad

 

[iMat]

Originally posted by Cbaoth
He has methodically stripped this guys self esteem. I am in the same situation, and believe me I am no more of a man for it! It is disgraceful behaviour and I will not carry this onto my children.

In that case, you'd have no other option than to strip him of his life.

Frame him for something, then marry your mother.

That'll drive him wild.

--iMat