Asking for what you want in bed...

[jc.dunn]

K so I've hooked up with this girl a couple times now, and I want to keep seeing her, but I've got some bedroom issues...

Basically we hook up, but it seems one sided... she never touches me, blows me or jerks me off or anything. Its all just make out and me doing all the work it seems like. I almost feel like she's just using me as a sex object to pleasure herself (which i'm ok with lol)...

I don't really want to say anything during because I know that would totally kill the mood and everything. Next time i'm gonna "guide" her a bit and hopefully that will work, but i feel like i'd rather just talk to her about it.

I basically just want to talk to her and get on the same page, plus i'd also like some concrete feedback. What is the best way and time to talk to her about this, without getting into an LTR?
I'm thinking I'll just phone her tonight, that way it won't kill the mood or anything when I see her next, but does anyone have any better ideas?

 

[Jitterbug]

While you're in bed, just guide or tell her what to do. You have to lead. If she refuses to follow your lead in bed, that'd be another matter that may require communication outside of the bedroom, but if you're not leading, don't complain that she isn't following.

 

[jc.dunn]

Ok well as it stands thats the plan for next time, in the meantime any other good ideas?

 

[Strongsauce]

You, in the moment: "You know what I'd really like right now?"

Her, after she's turned on: "What's that?"

You: "I'd really like it if you....."

If she's into you and/or not a corpse, I can't see this failing.

 

[strong like bull]

for what its worth,

ive always gotten what i wanted in bed, and ive never asked for it.

think about it.

i just naturally guide/control the situation. if i want her to go down on me, ill put my hand on the side of her neck and lead her down. if i want her to be lying a certain way, i flip her over.

i know everyones different, but thats what works for me. the key though is that she has to trust/feel a connection with you, and be super turned on for that stuff to happen. but when shes hot for you, ive found that by controlling the situation and leading her, there isnt really any resistance. before shes even realized whats going on, youve already flipped her over and are pounding her from behind. whereas the guys who ask, "baby, can you roll over so we can doggy style now?" totally kill the mood, and create an awkward situation.

keep in mind too that girls are different. some girls, without you initiating, will jerk you off and go down on you like its their job. other girls, you have to initiate and lead, even though theyre just as happy to service you.

so in your case, what i would probably do is after getting things rolling, pull her butt to the edge of the bed, with you on your knees beside the bed on the floor, and go down on her. get her all worked up and then stand up, pull her off the bed and towards you, then guide her down to her knees in between kisses... like i said, some girls youll have to lead more than others. but at this point one thing lead to the other and now youre standing there getting a bj.

hats off to you

in the case that she gets weirded out... ive had inexperienced good girls who were apprehensive at first, but eventually warmed up to it. now its like second nature. which is good... because i really dont think i could be with a girl who refused to give bjs... just seems like a real uptight chick..

anyhow, good luck.

-SLB