Asked her for Lunch but..

[MadaMadaDame]

A brief background on the situation:
This is regarding a girl i know of that hasn't have any type of relationship yet with a guy. We are in college right now, met her quite recently 3 weeks or so, quite busy actually since our courses are not the same, i hardly ever see her. So i just asks her to have lunch with me.

This is what i said : " What time is your lunch break?"
She replied : " 1pm onwards"
I said: " Great then I'll let you accompany me then."

So we had our first lunch date. The thing is, she tried to invite her 2 friends, which in my luck were my High School Friends ( Both Girls) They both instinctively know that i want to be alone with her, so they pretended that they have a meeting or something.

The lunch date went pretty well. So a week after that, on a Wednesday, i asked her to have lunch with me next week Tuesday, but

she replied : " We'll See.. "

Since i don't want a hangging answer..

I replied: "Why don't you answer a yes or no?"

She said: " i just don't like to make a promise that i might break since its still a week later."

i replied :"It seems like you are not interested in having lunch/hanging around with me, and i dont like the answer you gave me, i guess i have to go now, bye ( this was on Instant Messenger , and i just log on a few mins)

She replied: " Okies i'll have lunch with you then"

So, somehow i persuaded her to agree having lunch date with me on tuesday, the thing is this time, she asked early on : Is it just the two of us again? I replied : " Well IF you really want to, what can i do?" then she replied with a " hehe... "

My Questions are :
1. Judging from the situation, what is her IL in me?
2. Why does she always try to bring friends? Is it because she has never had a relationship before that she is so nervous around me?
3. If her friends did come this coming tuesday lunch date, how should i handle it? What if they keep on teasing me that i like her or something? What should i retaliate or say ?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH Please help me out .. Soon Thanks!!

 

[NRM]

I see very little interest. I mean, if she was competely interested, she'd drop (just about) anything to go on a lunch date with you. In fact, you'd probably be the only thing she'd think about and forgot that she had something else to do only to apologize to you later and make it up. But that's a little extreme.

She brought friends to lunch with you and her? Well, there is a possiblity that she was originally planning to have lunch with them first. But even so, you don't bring the guys to a lunch date with a girl you are interested in. Nobody is that stupid.

No, she doesn't bring friends because she's nervous around you and she's never been in a relationship. She brings friends because she rather have her friends there with you than be with you alone. It just makes sense man.

Cancel the Tuesday lunch date. That's my advice. If there's a possibility she's bringing a friend, you aren't in any control of the situation. Call her up and cancel. Then when Thursday rolls around, call her up and say,

"Hey, I'm free tonight, we're going out, be ready in 30 minutes."

If she asks where, tell her that she'll see, and let that be the end of it. If she says a flat out no, then you're rejected, move on, no chance. If she says "No, I'm busy tonight, but..." and gives you a counter offer, she's interested, but genuwinely interested. If she says yes, then continue from there, you should be alone, afterall, 30 minutes to get ready and invite her girlfriends, not only that, but she said yes, she she wants to go with you and doesn't mind.

But if you want my honest opinion. I think you're being a little bit of a pansy about this. You shouldn't take any disrespect. Be firm and if she does something you don't like, just get up and leave.

If you really want to test the interest, take her on that spontaneous date, then if things go well, kiss her. Pushes you away, not interested. Accepts, she's interested man.

Just put yourself in all these situations. Would you say no to her if she wanted to take you out on a date, would you push her away if you tried to kiss her, would you bring your boys with you? Basically, the difference is a level of interest. The only thing else is a possibly female shield towards guys which you should break by being a man and just doing what you want to do.

You seem kind of annoying when you sort of give her an ultimatium. ****y + funny should be your answer to serious things. But you should figure it out on your own.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by MadaMadaDame





The lunch date went pretty well. So a week after that, on a Wednesday, i asked her to have lunch with me next week Tuesday, but

she replied : " We'll See.. "

Since i don't want a hangging answer..

I replied: "Why don't you answer a yes or no?"

She said: " i just don't like to make a promise that i might break since its still a week later."

i replied :"It seems like you are not interested in having lunch/hanging around with me, and i dont like the answer you gave me, i guess i have to go now, bye ( this was on Instant Messenger , and i just log on a few mins)

She replied: " Okies i'll have lunch with you then"

So, somehow i persuaded her to agree having lunch date with me on tuesday, the thing is this time, she asked early on : Is it just the two of us again? I replied : " Well IF you really want to, what can i do?" then she replied with a " hehe... "

My Questions are :
1. Judging from the situation, what is her IL in me?
2. Why does she always try to bring friends? Is it because she has never had a relationship before that she is so nervous around me?
3. If her friends did come this coming tuesday lunch date, how should i handle it? What if they keep on teasing me that i like her or something? What should i retaliate or say ?

1. i would say her IL is wavering.. She doesn't really seem to like you, but wants to show enough interest in you to keep you interested in her! i don't know, this is just my personal opinion, but i've always found it to be the case

2. there may be two reasons for this, one, she may be stupid as hell and have no idea that you're trying to date her or two, she reckons its just lunch, and since her friends are going for lunch as well, why not everybody go? (since you knew them from HS right?) you said she's nervous? on that lunch date was she all jittery?

3. face it, you do not want to go for lunch with the ****blocking girlfriends. however, i think it might be a test to see how you react under such a situation. basically, act cool and calm, have fun, flirt with the ****blockers in front of her, and check out her reaction to this.

and then the next time round when you ask her out for lunch, i bet she'll sure as hell not bring her friends along, if she's interested in you that is, if she still brings her pals along, then tough luck mate, you're fighting a losing battle, her IL in you is probably at an all time low. there, now ive given you a method to gauge her IL, go out and DO!

for the other scenario, where she appears for lunch alone, just apply the usual tactics as used by the DJ.

 

[Sart]

too hard

I think you are holding on too tight mate. She seems to me to be saying, "I dont want to hurt your feelings, but, you just dont do it for me".

I am with Jakeboy on this one...try what he said but I think its a lost cause.

 

[MadaMadaDame]

Thank you for replying, i respect both of your replies. I think the advice you gave about asking 30 mins to go out with me late a night would be impossible for this girl. You see, i think her parents are quite strict ( maybe the reason why she still doesn't have a relationship) and she lives quite far from me.

you said she's nervous? on that lunch date was she all jittery?

The thing is, in our first lunch together, i reckon that she is blushing a lot, and i would have laugh out and started teasing her that she's like a red pumpkin, but out of respect i didn't, i just said you really have a red complexion. That's why i thought she might just be nervous around me.

she may be stupid as hell and have no idea that you're trying to date her or two, she reckons its just lunch, and since her friends are going for lunch as well, why not everybody go? (since you knew them from HS right?)

Yeh, i didn't use the word Date, but said something like, since your free, i'll let you have lunch with me. ( giving her the idea that she wants it, not me ).
Yep, her friends are from my high school. What's good is they have nothing against me. That's why they made excuses that they have to go.

She said yes already, but to bring or not to bring her friends is uncertain yet, this made me quite curious also if she would bring them or not.

 

[Sart]

she aint interested

I think you are looking form people to tell you she is interested and give you a trick to convert her over. I just dont think she is interested mate, I wish she was but she just isn't. I also think you are really falling into the whole oneit and afc thing here. Your writing seems a little tense and as if she would be your first? Or perhaps you got burned once?

Give her a miss, try what jakeby said and then just let it go dude.

 

[jakeyboy]

yeah... just give it a shot and let go... some things are not meant to be. let me know if the meal went well mate.. maybe we could work something out from then on, which would make her more accepting of your advances..

 

[blue17]

theres a difference between ****y + funny, and arrogantism.

Saying "I'll let you have lunch with me" crosses the ****y + funny barrier imo. You could have accomplished the goal in a similar way by simply saying "Let's have lunch sometime." It still puts you in control of the situation, but it is a much better presentation. The line you did MAAAAYBE would work in certain situations, with a certain type of girl, in a certain type of way....but it's just so easy taken as overly ****y that it's not worth it.

Also...."Why don't you answer a yes or no?" is kind rude imo. If someone asked me that outfront i would lose interest as it is just too pushy and interrogative. Of course if this is real life and you are smiling and doing it in a funny way, that's one thing...but if you just say it over msn without any emoticons or whatever it doesn't sound nice.

Finally "...and i dont like the answer you gave me, i guess i have to go now, bye." seems kind of pouty. Like FINE....if you're gonna act that way then i'm upset and am gonna go, in a mean spirited way. And if you MUST say that, i think just saying "I gotta run, bye." sounds a lot better than "I GUESS I have to go now, bye." like you aren't actually going, but are just 'leaving' because you are upset with the situation.

And this girl is not that interested, there is one line she said that stands out for me....

The lunch date went pretty well. So a week after that, on a Wednesday, i asked her to have lunch with me next week Tuesday, but

she replied : " We'll See.. "

'We'll see' is text book friendly rejection material. Just reverse the roles....let's say she asks you to lunch next tuesday. For arguments sake, we'll say you may be busy. You might say somethign along the lines of "Sure....I might be busy but if not, definitely." instead of "We'll see" because you know that a vague answer will make her think you're uninterested. I actually used that phrase last week with a girl. She wanted to hang out sometime this weekend (and for various reasons I didn't really want to) so I just said "We'll see." Vague responses like "We'll see, or "Maybe, or "I'll think about it" almost always mean no....

Just move on to another girl....You seem like a cool guy but I would try to avoid the forced ****yness. Maybe just being a friendly guy is in your blood, as opposed to trying to use sosauve scripted lines and techniques in order to play 'hardball' to get what you want. If it's not in your natural personality, then it can come across as mean or fake, even if that's not how you intend it to be. You can still be a nice guy, and not be a pushover at the same time. That's how sosauve is helpful to me.

 

[MadaMadaDame]

Originally posted by jakeyboy
yeah... just give it a shot and let go... some things are not meant to be. let me know if the meal went well mate.. maybe we could work something out from then on, which would make her more accepting of your advances..

Man, you guys really can foresee things, I now trust you guys more. Monday night (on Instant Messenger), i sort of confirmed with her about the tuesday lunch, and she was like -> um is it real? or something like are we really gonna have lunch ( is the date continued? ) <-

something like that... then she later said she was busy and she was sorry she couldn't. I just said " I Understand" . Then she said that if im upset, but i just replied with a smile. She didn't suggest moving the date .. so i guess it's a flat out NO.

I asked her for another day making her decide which day but with a humor saying choose anyday except MWF, she answered she isn't sure when she's free.

So i hinted at her that when she wanted to hang out or just misses me, she just SMS( text message on cellphone). She said ok but i guess that's just like yeh i'll call you but won't really do it. After awhile i said I gotta go.

Yeh, im suffering from oneitis... yeh i got burned once, and probobly got burned here too.

Lesson learned: If what your fellow DJ says she got Low IL believe them and don't insist on your guts.

My Question: What IF she did text me and wishes to have lunch ? should i still accept her? or flat out say No, im too busy sorry.

Sorry i have to type all this but i feel better now after that rejection. Need some way to release these feelings since i didn't release it on her, i calmly said "i understand" which in truth i really understand -> That she's saying No and a No is a No.