Argument

[Loki.7]

My girlfriend has been a been snappy with me lately.

We just had an argument. In the argument she mentioned I do 95% of the talking in the relationship, I always believe my opinion is the only opinion, I tend not to listen, I talk over her and I forget things she tells me.

In all honesty there is truth in what she said.

Where to go from here?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Where to go from here?

Masturbation would appear to be your best option.

 

[Loki.7]

Masturbation would appear to be your best option.

Haha!!!

You recon it's a sinking ship?

 

[Loki.7]

Okay I am going to take a different approach than the usual noise. She is your girlfriend so we must assume she is your girlfriend for a reason and maybe you would like to keep it that way.....



So this is a very easy solution and one that benefits you in the long run.

I think this is the best stance that a man needs to take for a number of reasons: listen more than you talk. Why? let them blab about themselves.....because it lets them open up to you and.......you can mock and tease their answers and it always gives you the edge as they are opening their mouth and you are not....."you are the master of what you don't say".

Listen to her........she thinks she is being listened to and you are sitting back letting her reveal herself to you while you say nothing about you....

How is that not a win win.

Even better. Tell her, "yeah, you are right I shold listen more....." you know the reasons you are saying that for. Let her blab. The less you say the better.

I'm a pretty passionate person. I have so many interesting things going on I usually have loads to talk about and share.

It's always been our dynamic. I keep giving her opportunity to speak but she doesn't usually have anything interesting going on or to talk about.

She pretty much works long hours and comes home and repeats. Sometimes she has time to go for a walk , make blankets or do a bit of gardening. She occasionally meets up with her girlfriends for lunch.

When she does do exciting things it's usually with me.

For example today. I was like how was your day? She talked about work, some details and quickly run out of things to say and nothing exciting.

It's always been like this, just doesn't have much going on or much to talk about.

So I end up talking about my million things I'm passionate about. Which is what she loves about me.

She's acting up. To me it seems like a power struggle.

I don't believe this is really about me talking too much and dominating conversations.

You're right though. I need to STFU for now.

She's my girlfriend and want to keep her around.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

My girlfriend has been a been snappy with me lately.

We just had an argument. In the argument she mentioned I do 95% of the talking in the relationship, I always believe my opinion is the only opinion, I tend not to listen, I talk over her and I forget things she tells me.

In all honesty there is truth in what she said.

Where to go from here?

Nobody wants to engage with a self-centered conversationalist. Remember, great conversationalists, monopolize the listening.

Plus it has never been men's forte and nature to talk, we do. So allow her to express her nature.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Barrister]

My girlfriend has been a been snappy with me lately.

We just had an argument. In the argument she mentioned I do 95% of the talking in the relationship, I always believe my opinion is the only opinion, I tend not to listen, I talk over her and I forget things she tells me.

In all honesty there is truth in what she said.

Where to go from here?

First, if you think it is a problem, then of course change that about yourself. However, don't apologize to her because that actually won't help you (see @Atom Smasher 's thread about that about a week ago for a good read). Instead, employ some silence and distance (S&D) and see how she reacts. Don't go into chase mode just because you think you have done wrong. That would be a mistake if you want to maintain your LTR.

Be the man and let her come back to you. Again, doesn't mean you can't change some things about yourself and become a better listener -- but don't apologize and start capitulating to her now.

 

[Loki.7]

First, if you think it is a problem, then of course change that about yourself. However, don't apologize to her because that actually won't help you (see @Atom Smasher 's thread about that about a week ago for a good read). Instead, employ some silence and distance (S&D) and see how she reacts. Don't go into chase mode just because you think you have done wrong. That would be a mistake if you want to maintain your LTR.

Be the man and let her come back to you. Again, doesn't mean you can't change some things about yourself and become a better listener -- but don't apologize and start capitulating to her now.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

She's being bitchy because she's managed to shift the power dynamic to her side and she's not on my side.

There is definitely some truth in what she said to me. She also said some other bull**** that certainly isn't true.

I do need to work on my listening skills. It's a fact and I'm going to make an effort to listen to her and other people more.

BUT I don't think I should be kissing her ass. A little while ago she sensed some weakness in me. So she's constantly been poking at it.

That argument was the end result.

So I'm just going to note of the parts I know I can improve. I'll distance and I think I just have to wait her out , consentrate on doing my own thing and let her reel me back in.

The dynamic NEEDS no be reset, because if it continues like this it's over.

I guess if she doesn't make the effort to reel my back it. It's also going to be over.

I love her, but I think I need to stand my ground on this one. The relationship will be ****ed if I don't.

Balls in her caught. Realistically the only think I can do is choose my exit point if she decides not to play ball.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Loki.7 while there is truth to what she says, you are correct in that this is a test.

She did this to see what you would do and how you would react.

These test are typically at a subconscious level.

This is a test you need to pass.

Here’s how:

1) continue to lead

2) pivot her narrative, ie “A good listener would be happy to hear me talk. I thought you were a good listener.”

3) At the end of the day, when she least expects it, start to massage her. Her feet would be a good place to start. While you massage her, tell her it is time for you to be the listener. Ask her how her day was. Get her talking.

She is really just looking for some regular time for her to talk to you. Nothing wrong with that, but make it on your schedule. Do not give up the leadership role. She wants you to lead her.

 

[ubercat]

Still great advice

Relationship game: say less

So my fiancé has moved in and things are going well. I have been sure to stay aware of any potential frame shift so I can ward it off. I am going by Athol Kay's stuff to a great extent. One thing I am working on is saying less. I am a fairly intellectual dude and I enjoy pondering aloud and...

www.sosuave.net

 

[ubercat]

Like Motu I m an LTR person. Inevitable when you get old. One thing I did precovid is have brekkie in bed with the Sunday papers. Hand her the chickie sections fashion health. Nice low pressure conversation as you re both occupied reading but can choose to talk I do a similar thing with the tablet now since Aussie TV news is as sh1t as American. Bring up Al Jazeera see what news vid she s interested in. If anyone knows how to get BBC world news online that would be awesome

 

[ubercat]

Another thing is you don't mention shared interests or projects. I got hello fresh - one of those food/recipe delivery things. Win win. Gets my Asian gf cooking western. I can easily whip a meal together to give her a break. And we have a weekly chat over choosing the recipes. Build an indoor container herb garden, if you have a yard do raised beds, build a DIY hot tub. Leadership takes many forms. You don't have to be an idiot cartoon alpha all the time shouting and shoving your d1ck in people's faces.

 

[ubercat]

And yes this one might not be salvageable but you have to learn how to manage a woman for when you get GF 2.0

 

[Roober]

DO

NOT

ARGUE

WITH

WOMEN

If she gives you bad behavior, you go fvck someone else as punishment

 

[AureliusMaximus]

For example today. I was like how was your day? She talked about work, some details and quickly run out of things to say and nothing exciting.

That classical "how was your day" question which most guys hate.

Women want to talk feelings and do connect with each other through feelings. We guys mostly don't. We connect with other people by taking actions and doing something. So ye just listen to her, but you don't have to say much yourself. Women like to be listened to. But you can also turn it on your terms a bit by taking her our for a walk (or something), and doing something while she is blab about her day etc. You don't have to say much tho. Actually like most guys say here; the less the better. The more she thinks you're good listener without offering solutions the better as they love that shiete.

 

[ubercat]

@Loki you did a frame buffet to my post took away the bit you liked. I m saying yes you need all that and yes you still need to take a leadership role in setting that up. If you try and she still is couch bound then she isn't the girl for you.

 

[ubercat]

BTW if you have an Asian gf and offer solutions most of the time she ll put them into practice. Why wouldn't you go with what's better