Approval seeking behavior

[Ricky]

This is from David D's mailbag. Most of his stuff never really follows the title of his posting. But this one is really good.
Sorry for the formatting.

How To Get Past A Woman's Defenses



Here's an interesting story...

A few hours ago I was standing in a "posh" bar
in San Francisco.

I was standing near to the bar, looking around
at the people, when the guy next to me stars talking
to a girl that he doesn't know.

She turned and looked at him with a look that said
"I don't know you, I don't want to talk to you, and
you have no chance with me".

The look on her face couldn't have been more clear.
As soon as he started talking to her, she put up her
defenses.

The more he tried to talk to her, the more annoyed
she got.

It was painful to watch.

Then things got REALLY interesting.

The guy turned to me and started making conversation
with me.

He asked me how I was "doing" with the ladies at
the bar.

I told him that I had just arrived, and I wasn't
particularly in the mood to talk to women at the moment...
I was just enjoying my drink and relaxing.

He then started to talk about how "meeting women
was a numbers game" and how he had been "laying rap"
on women all night... but he didn't have any "luck"
so far.

We started discussing our different approaches
to meeting women.

I told him that when I decide to talk to a woman
that I really find attractive, I am confident that
I'll be successful with her.

He kind of laughed and told me that meeting women
was a game of luck, and if you wanted to win, you
had to just keep playing the numbers... and hope you
find one that likes you.

Right at that moment, two cute women walked up
to the bar. One of them was very hot.
-
He looked at the hotter girl, pointed to her, and
said "I like that".

I said "Well then go talk to her".

He decided to go "order a drink" (in other words,
he was going to go up to the bar and FAKE like he
was there to order a drink, and then "accidentally"
start a conversation with her).

Of course, he already HAD a drink, so he fumbled
around trying to find a place to put it down so he
could walk up to the bar with no drink and not look
like he was "on the make".

It was pretty damn funny.

Anyway, he squeezes in next to this girl, and tries
to act like he's just there to get a drink. He then
turns to her, and tries to start a conversation.

What happened? Of course...

Her defenses went up INSTANTLY.

She said a few words to him, but then turned away
from him, took her drink and her friend, and walked
away from the bar.

He came back over to me and made no comment about
the interaction with her...

I watched him try to talk to more women after that...
all with the same result.

Their defenses went up AS SOON as he started talking
to them.

This guy's theory of "talking to a lot of women
until you get lucky and find one who likes you" was
working pretty well...

Except for the fact that he WASN'T getting "lucky"
at all, and NO women liked him....


HITTING THE WALL
--------------------------------------------------
Have you ever been in a situation talking to
a girl, and you could just FEEL that she had her
"defenses up"?

Or have you ever been out on a date with a
woman, and had a bad feeling in your GUT about
the situation... and no matter what you did, the
situation only got worse, and she seemed to get
further away from you?

If you're like me, then you've been in a LOT
of these situations.

In fact, I think it's happened to me so many
times that I have "female defense radar". It's
like I can tell INSTANTLY if a woman has her
defenses up... and it doesn't feel GOOD.

You've been there... one minute everything is
OK, and the next minute she has flipped on some
kind of force-field that is PERMANENT.

You know what I'm talking about...

And once the defenses are up, it's as if she
has become a DIFFERENT person. And trying to make
it better only makes it worse.

Always.

That's called HITTING THE WALL.

And once you hit it, there's no bouncing back.


A WOMAN'S DEFENSES, AND HOW THEY WORK

So what's up with that?

Why do women have this "defense mechanism"?

What triggers it?

And how can we, as guys, get past it?

Well, the reality is that a woman's defense
mechanism is something that PROTECTS her. It
saves her time. And it saves her headaches and
hassles.

You've heard me say that attractive women are
approached ALL THE TIME by men. In one way or
another, an attractive woman is CONSTANTLY
approached and pursued by men.

Women can't afford to spend even a FRACTION
of their time with every guy who shows interest,
so they use "time management" techniques.

How 21st century of them.

One of these "time management techniques" is
their defense mechanism.

If a girl decides that she isn't interested in
being with a particular guy... and it doesn't
matter if it's within the first five seconds or
the first five months... the mechanism kicks in.

It creates an invisible wall that protects
her. You can feel it. She can feel it. And even
though neither of you can see it, you both know
that it's more powerful than a real wall...
because most men don't know how to get PAST it.

I know that you've thought about this issue
at some point. If you're like me, you've thought
about it a LOT. Maybe even obsessively. Maybe you
have even schemed and tortured yourself trying to
figure out the magic way to get past a woman's
defenses...

Are you with me here?

 

[Ricky]

A NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS...

What if I were to tell you that YOU are the
one who actually controls her defense mechanism?

And what if I were to tell you that all this
time, YOU'RE THE ONE who's been causing women to
put up their defenses, and shut you out?

And what if I told you that looking for the
magic way to "get past her defenses" was really
a waste of time?

What if I told you instead that the ULTIMATE
way to "get past" her defenses was to NEVER
CAUSE HER TO PUT THEM UP initially?

See, the reality is that her defenses are a
RESPONSE or a REACTION to something YOU are
doing. YOU are the one who's doing things that
kick off the sequence of events.

In fact, if you think of it from this
particular perspective, you'll realize that you
REALLY ARE controlling her defense mechanisms.


BACK TO MY STORY...

Shortly after his "bad luck" episodes, the guy
I was talking to in the bar walked away from me.

I stood at the bar thinking of what he had
just said and done... and how so many guys I've
met think the same way.

Right then, a woman asked me if I'd move over a
little bit so she could order a drink.

I said "sure", and turned sideways so she could
squeeze in next to me.

At first, I turned my back to her.

After a minute or two, I turned back around, and
started talking to her and her friends.

I was teasing them and making fun, and generally
being a pain in the ass.

There were a total of four girls there together,
and I was talking to three of them.

I turned my attention to the quietest of the
three, and started teasing her.

I asked her why she was so quiet, teasing her
about it, etc.

Every time I asked her a question or said
something, she either shook her head "no" or nodded
her head "yes".

No words.

Finally, she held up her left hand and proudly
displayed her wedding ring.

She said "I'm married".

I laughed at her and said "Wow, good for you. I
guess if I was trying to pick up on you I'd be pretty
upset right now... but I'm not, so you don't have
anything to worry about".

Now, the REALITY of the situation was that I was
NOT trying to "pick up on her".

She was the least attractive woman in the group,
and her personality was about as interesting as a
mule's.

Her friends heard me say this to her, and they
turned and looked at me with wide eyes.

They couldn't believe that I had just said that
to their friend, and they could tell that I was
being VERY serious, and that I could care less what
she thought of me.

I went on talking to these four girls for the
rest of the night... about another hour or so.

I mixed up the conversation.

Sometimes I talked to one of them... sometimes
two... sometimes three... sometimes all four.

I teased them all, busted on them, called them
all kinds of freaky-chick names, and generally
acted like they were my four bratty little sisters
that annoyed me... but who I still loved (a little).

By the end of the evening, I was sitting on a
little couch with three of the girls.

At this point, there were almost NO women left
at this bar. I'd say the guy/girl ratio was about
6 or 7 to 1.

I could see about 30 guys standing around me,
and maybe 5 or 6 women. And I had 3 of those 5 or 6
on the couch next to me.

At one point, two of them were on either side of
me massaging me at the same time. It was funny.

Of course RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT the guy from
earlier walked by, stopped, and looked at me. The
look of shock in his eye was priceless. He didn't
even say hi... he just walked away.

The evening ended with two of the girls kissing
me, and one of them getting my number because she
was going to be in my area in a few weeks and wanted
to see me...

Now, don't bust my balls about not "closing the
deal"... lol. I could have had a CRAZY evening with
these girls, but it's not exactly my style, and I
wasn't in the mood to stay up all night.

Let's get down to the point...

The reason why I was so successful with these
particular women was because I didn't do what every
other guy that they ran into did...

I didn't trigger their DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

They had time to get to know me... they had time
to get comfortable with me... and they had time to
spark all kinds of sexual tension and attraction
with them.

Now let me tell you how I did it...

 

[Ricky]

WHAT TRIGGERS A WOMAN'S DEFENSE
MECHANISM... AND HOW TO AVOID IT

I'm about to give you a VERY important insight
into how women interact with men.

Pay close attention to this. It's taken me a
LONG time to figure this out...

Women are VERY perceptive.

They know what a guy is thinking by looking at
his body language, and listening to his voice tone.

Some experts estimate that women are as much as
TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language.

To most women, men are an OPEN BOOK.

Guys have no idea just how obvious they are...

And there's one particular thing that triggers
a woman's defense mechanism faster than a chubby
kid eats cake...

It's SEEKING APPROVAL.

In every situation with a woman, you can say
WHATEVER you want to say in a way that either:

1) Seeks her approval

2) Doesn't seek her approval

Think about it.

You're either SEEKING APPROVAL... or you're
NOT...

And most guys ARE when they're talking to a
woman that they're interested in.

As I watched the guy in the bar walk up to
women and try to start conversations all night,
the ONE thing that was obvious to all that had
the eyes to see was that he wanted APPROVAL.

He wanted the women to LIKE him.

I guarantee you that this man was an honest-
to-goodness certifiable WUSSY... and every woman
that he tried to talk to could SMELL it on him.

On the other hand, when I talk to a woman, I
avoid seeking approval.

I make it clear, no matter what I'm saying or
doing, that it doesn't matter whether or not she
likes me... I could care less.

The more I made it clear to the women I was
talking to that I DIDN'T need their approval,
the more they LIKED ME.

If you want to get past a woman's defenses,
the best plan of action is to NOT TRIGGER them
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Now, the reality of this situation is that
some women are walking around with their
defenses already up. Maybe they're married, or
maybe they're angry at men... or maybe they're
just very shy.

We live in the real world, and this is part
of it.

But in most situations YOU are the one who
triggers the defenses. It's YOU.

I have several friends who I've watched
interacting with women MANY, MANY times... and
these particular guys RARELY, if EVER get the
"defensive" cold shoulder from women.

Why?

Because they're not seeking approval. They're
just doing what they want, and being themselves.

If you can spend an hour talking to a woman,
and not seek her approval the entire time, you
stand a DRAMATICALLY better chance of taking
things to the next level with her.

That simple demonstration of showing her a
full hour of non-approval-seeking behavior and
communication will separate you from 99% of all
the guys that have approached her in her life.

And the best part about this particular
technique is that it's NOT MANIPULATION. In
fact, seeking approval is far more manipulative
than what I'm saying here.

In fact, one of the reasons why women don't
like guys who seek approval is because they
INSTANTLY sense that the guys is using a
MANIPULATIVE tactic.

If you think through the situations that
you've been in with women, you realize that this
is the case.

So stop seeking women's approval when you
meet them.

Stop it!

Learn how to say things in a way that clearly
communicates that you don't need her to like you
or approve of you.

Then learn how to be ****y & Funny.

When you can make a woman laugh while you're
NOT seeking her approval, you have a powerful
combination that sparks ATTRACTION.

Which leads me to the VERY BEST way of all
to get past a woman's defenses.

MAKE HER FEEL ATTRACTION FOR YOU.

If a woman feels a powerful ATTRACTION for
you, then the kinds of defenses that we're
talking about here don't even come into play.

Attraction is such a powerful physical and
emotional response that it temporarily disables
a woman's defense mechanisms...

It's the one thing, if you know how to do it,
that women WISH you would trigger inside of them.

Once a woman starts to feel that magical
emotional and physical response called
ATTRACTION, the entire situation changes, and
you start having the kinds of success with women
that most men only dream about.

And most women go through life WISHING,
HOPING, AND DREAMING that they will someday
find a man that can make them feel this amazing
feeling...

So what's the best way to learn how to make
a woman feel ATTRACTION for you?

In fact, what's the ONE system in the world
that is designed SPECIFICALLY to teach you how
to make women feel a powerful ATTRACTION for
you?

Of course, my online eBook, and my Advanced
Dating Techniques program.

It's taken me several years of researching,
testing, and refining the specific steps to
making a woman feel a powerful Attraction for
you... and I've taken all of my best concepts
and condensed them in these easy-to-understand,
step-by-step programs.

Making a woman isn't about luck.

And you're not going to learn how to do it
by accident. You have to LEARN HOW, just like I
did...