Any USEFUL approach anxiety literature?

[Drewskie]

I have a pretty big problem with approaching, I didn't realize it before but i really do. I have read lots of stuff on here and other laces, but nothing that has really helped. I tried dbots "just grow some balls and do it" style, but couldn't. I downloaded something by Ciarin Martin, but it looks really long and arduous. What have you guys read that actually helps?? gracias.

 

[intrextrovert]

Just grow some balls and do it is the best advice you're gonna get, and the only real advice as well. Know that you will not see them again, and even if you do so what. Act like yourself, or like a giant ass, but be loud and assertive and grow some balls. Know some people will like you and some people won't, period. But it's much better to be disliked than unknown, and you are either disliked or unknown if you don't approach/talk to girls, and a liar if you don't act like yourself to the fullest.

I found reading some of this guy, tucker max's stories, which are hilarious even if they may be bull****, gets me in the right mood.

 

[everywomanshero]

Well there is actually a lot you could do to help become more comfortable with the process if you're at a phobic level. One thing you need to know though is that anxiety when you begin approaching women is quite normal, even at a high level. I don;t think every guy on earth needs to go through a behavioral therapy program. I will tell you that it takes a lot more of a man to do so if needed than to lurk in the background and let life pass him by, food for thought. I will tell you of the process below because I have no way of knowing your levels of fear and discomfort, only you know how you feel.

If you feel you have an actual, bonafide phobia of approaching women, then you can use behavioral therapy as an approach. In behavioral therapy you won't start out approaching a woman but you'll do one of the steps, say going to a food court or club a number of times until you feel no anxiety. Then you'll walk past a woman in that environment a number of times until you feel no anxiety. Next you'll talk to someone but not show interest until you feel comfortable starting conversations... If you're anxiety reaches the point to where you feel like your heart is pounding out of your chest, don't leave the situation, but go outside (bathroom isn't good for deep breathing lol) and take some deep breaths or meditate for 5-10 minutes until you are calm enough to go back inside. Eventually you should be able to approach a woman with only moderate anxiety, it really isn't that scary, promise.That is behavioral desenitisation and is commonly used with disorders like agoraphobia, fear of animals, or anything you can be exposed to over a period of time. The trick is to do each step a number of times before moving onto the next. It takes some time but if you really want to reduce your anxiety, this is a method mental health professionals walk clients through all the time. You can also combine the above with a mild dose of Xanax if you're just really bad off but don't dose too high or you'll not be desensitized properly! Also panic&anxiety disorders are often associated with other conditions such as chronically high stress and depression. You'll want to make sure any other conditions are being treated as well. The people who I've seen successfully kick anxiety/panic disorders are those who follow through consistently and have faith in the process. Those who tend to think nothing will work tend to get what they predicted, they do not stay the course and (as expected) do not see much change. Again, if you're not a phobic level I would suggest making the approaches for a while and seeing it it's bearable for you. If you are at a phobic level then please see a mental health professional for guidance on behavioral therapy who can also coordinate with your general practicitioner regarding medications (if needed). The trouble of course is the same people who are at the phobic level and the ones who usually won't come in and see a mental health care professional. It is estimated that only 1/3 of the people who have a psychological condition that could benefit from therapy ever receive it. One doesn't have to meet the criteria for a psychological disorder to benefit from the thousands of studies that have been done and the knowledge a good mental health care professional will have to help walk you through one or more of these processes. I should disclaim that I am an exiting grad student, but what I have written above is the truth as best I know it. Best wishes!

 

[Drewskie]

Thanks guys. I am definitely not at a phobic level as you call it, I just don't really know what the hell I would say if I do walk up to them. I know if you have game it really doesn't matter what you say, but at the same time, my game ain't that tight or I wouldnt be here.

 

[slickaz]

heres what i told someone else here earlier.

if you feel you're nervous around women..use this.
go the mall.
find a shop where a girl works, that has products that interest you.
lets hope she is a hott girl.
go into the store.
walk around a bit, she'll say hi to you as they are paid to do.
say hi back.
ask in a normal tone, if she had a good day.
she's not gonna break you off for asking. those girls are usually very bored at work and happy to talk to anyone.
so ask how her day is, wait for her response.
say smtn nice "oh thats good, well im sure the days gettin over soon.."
then leave with a "enjoy your day.."

try that 5 to 10 times till you feel comfy talking more..
extending on the topic of how her days been.
add stuff about how she missed out coz you spent the day in the sun, but im sure she'll be able to on her day off.

you dont HAVE to hit on every girl you meet.
just talk normally..
when you do get used to easily interacting with women without thinkin inside you that you have to hit on her because shes a chic..then you'll find approaching women is much easier because itll come smooth.
gluck