Any recommendations on how to be more outgoing?

[El Don]

I have struggled many times with girls. I am very quiet. I dont have much to say and when I talk to people not just girls I struggle thinking of what to say or thinking about a subject we could try and talk about. It hurts alot and I get very depressed. I have been told I am a good looking guy and have had interest from girls before but its only initial interest. Once I start talking to them for a while I notice they dont get as excited or seem as happy to talk to me. Thats when I know that I have failed and just think about what could have been.....

Im trying to get back into shape to see if that helps me get more confident and maybe just a little bit more outgoing. Im so frustrated now it feels so bad knowing that all I really need to be is a little more outgoing and talkative and I cant do it. One of my good friends gets a lot of girls and he really isnt physically attractive according to some girls but he gets them because he is so outgoing and funny and I would trade anything to just to be as outgoing and be able to sweet talk girls and get them easily like he does. I dont know what to do, as I have tried to go out more and just be with alot of people but I am just not outgoing. Is there any advice anybody can give me?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Learn how to dance. Ever know a guy who knew how to dance well that wasn't confident?

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

Learn how to dance. Ever know a guy who knew how to dance well that wasn't confident?

Napolean Dynamite.

 

[El Don]

Is there any book or anything someone could recommend or someone who use to be very quiet and shy and got out of it? anything would help at this point........

 

[Jay Jay]

A few things.

Firstly, let me just say that it isn't your lack of outgoing tendancies that is your problem. Infact that is just a symptom of a larger problem you have; lack of self esteem.

You don't need to be outgoing to get chicks.

Example

Last night I was out with 9 chicks and one other bloke. Me and the other guy have only met each other once. We both know most of the girls rather well (they are all friends) and we both flirt with all of them and obviously think we are the sh*t by having nine girls hanging off us. It was kinda like two rosters in a single chicken house when we were both in the room...

Anyway, at first I felt completely overwhelmed coz this guy was laying on the alpha male as thick as anything. He dominated the conversation and busted on the girls like a DeAngelo guru. I just kept my cool and kept my body language positive and let him have the floor. When I got up to have a smoke most of the girls followed me outside and crowded about me.

The point of this is that you can be as outgoing as anything but not get any love and you can sit there quietly and have girls jumping all over you.

The key to attracting women is feeling good about yourself. It really sounds like you don;t feel good about yourself.

Don't get upset when you don't get girls. Use those hormones that are making you crazy to achieve other things.

I really think you should work on improving yourself in other areas. That will give you the confidence you lack and make you realise that picking up chicks isn;'t the end all be all.

I strongly suggest you stop comparing yourself to your friend, thats just not healthy.

Oh, and go check out the tips section. Just having a bit of knowledge improves your confidence.

Hope this doesn't sound like I'm giving you a hard time. You just sound a bit like I used to be...

Weaknesses often become peoples greatest strengths because that is what they work to improve. Real improvement doesn't happen over night. Make a commitment to become the person you dream you could be then work at it! Use your sexual frutration as a powersource to empower your life.

Stuff like that...

 

[MacAvoy]

Bootcamp

 

[El Don]

Firstly, let me just say that it isn't your lack of outgoing tendancies that is your problem. Infact that is just a symptom of a larger problem you have; lack of self esteem.

You don't need to be outgoing to get chicks.

Example

Last night I was out with 9 chicks and one other bloke. Me and the other guy have only met each other once. We both know most of the girls rather well (they are all friends) and we both flirt with all of them and obviously think we are the sh*t by having nine girls hanging off us. It was kinda like two rosters in a single chicken house when we were both in the room...

Anyway, at first I felt completely overwhelmed coz this guy was laying on the alpha male as thick as anything. He dominated the conversation and busted on the girls like a DeAngelo guru. I just kept my cool and kept my body language positive and let him have the floor. When I got up to have a smoke most of the girls followed me outside and crowded about me.

The point of this is that you can be as outgoing as anything but not get any love and you can sit there quietly and have girls jumping all over you.

The key to attracting women is feeling good about yourself. It really sounds like you don;t feel good about yourself.

Don't get upset when you don't get girls. Use those hormones that are making you crazy to achieve other things.

I really think you should work on improving yourself in other areas. That will give you the confidence you lack and make you realise that picking up chicks isn;'t the end all be all.

I strongly suggest you stop comparing yourself to your friend, thats just not healthy.

Oh, and go check out the tips section. Just having a bit of knowledge improves your confidence.

Hope this doesn't sound like I'm giving you a hard time. You just sound a bit like I used to be...

Weaknesses often become peoples greatest strengths because that is what they work to improve. Real improvement doesn't happen over night. Make a commitment to become the person you dream you could be then work at it! Use your sexual frutration as a powersource to empower your life.

Stuff like that...

thanks for the advice man, as well as everyone else who replied. You're not giving me a hard time, I appreciate it and thats the stuff I want to know how to improve and just want someone to tell it like it is. Thanks guys

 

[Sun Tzu]

You need to change your frame of reference.

I get the feeling from your post that there is a gradual degeneration as the conversation goes on.

I suggest that you initiate conversation, but then end it relatively quickly. This provides two benefits:

First, you will start to feel a measure of control and a lack of neediness.

Secondly, you will appear as a man who has a busy life and things to do. This enhances your appearance to anybody, male or female.

You start your conversation, then after a short while you say "It's been great talking with you, but I've got to get back to ...whatever... Here, punch your number into my phone. I'd like to continue this converstion later".

Notice the command to give the number. You haven't bored her, and in fact you've intrugued her and led her (a woman desires to be led).

Sun Tzu

Edit:
I've noticed that people respond very positively to my phrase, "I'd like to..." I'm not sure why, but it seems to come off as "assumed authority", as if it's my choice whether we talk further or not.