"Am I wasting my time?"

[kdnash82]

This question use to get under my skin every time I heard it. "Where is this going? Am I wasting my time? What am I to you?" These questions would drive me up the damn wall. I would lose my mind, and say something totally stupid that would piss the girl the hell off and leave me at a state where I was looking for new booty.

This situation came up last night. I was on the phone with one of my home boys, and I got a text from this plate I've been spinning. "Give me a call when you get the chance. There is something I wanna talk to you about."

My first reaction was, "Oh snap... She's pregnant. I don't wanna have a baby. Damn... Damn... Damn!!" So I tell my homeboy that I'll call him back later. I immediately call up the girl, and I'm laughing on the outside and crying on the inside. Literally. The conversation goes like this.

Me: Hey you! How are you doing?
Her: Fine.. blah blah blah
Me: That's good.. Fluff Fluff Fluff.
Her: blah blah blah
Me: Alright then. Sooo.... What's on your mind?
Her: Well, I just wanna tell you that I care about you. I like the way things are going. Things between us are so much better now and I can tell that you feel something for me too. I just wanna know if this is going anywhere or am I wasting my time. I hate feeling this way and it's been on my mind all weekend, so I've had a lot of time to think about it. Just tell me the truth. Is this going anywhere or am I wasting my time?
Me: Wow. I think I've been showing you how I feel about you, so there should be no question about that. Things between us have been good lately and I like the way things are going too. I feel that if we keep going at this slow and steady pace, we will eventually have something more. I just don't wanna rush into things just because they're going good now. We've been known to have our ups and downs, so I think we should just bask in this good moment that we're having and enjoy the moment for however long it lasts.
Her: Ok. I'm glad you said that. I feel a whole lot better now that we've talked about this.
Me: Good. Well, I need to knock this dirt off my body and get ready for bed. I'll give you a call someother time ok?
Her: Ok.

The whole point is to remain calm. Tell her what she needs to hear without giving into jumping into a relationship. Do not give into what she wants, but at the sametime, don't not give her anything. This part is give and take, so be sure to give a little without giving your all.

Hope this makes sense.

 

[squirrels]

The degree to which this works is dependent on how needy the girl is for attention, and how much she sees the world around her as "pressuring her" into a long-term relationship.

Either:
1) This is good enough for her.

2) She'll be OK with it until next time she runs into one of her married or severely attached friends, then she'll start feeling like you're jerking her around again and this conversation will come up again. Probably after sex...that's when they like to bring it up because they believe it gives them "leverage".

3) She'll take this as a "failure to commit" on your part, go neurotic and start being cold toward you.