am I over thinking this and being insecure

[jc_80]

my girl and I work together, same shift, she was 8 weeks pregnant. she seemed happy about it, we had plans to get a place together, everybody knew about the pregnancy, but she also seemed insecure about me losing attraction to her as she got bigger and kept asking if I was sure I wanted it. I kept saying yes I want it and she will be so sexy when she's showing. but then there was the money issue and she has other kids so I was thinking she was the one who wasn't sure and kept asking, waiting for me to give her a reason to not go through with it.

so one day she didn't tell me she called in sick. texted her at 1st break asking if she's ok. she said not feeling well call you later. 3rd break calls me almost sounding relieved and says she's sorry but had a miscarriage. I see her after work and she is on pain meds. she says she woke up spotting and called her best friend, a gay male, to take her to the doctor. then she had a d&c, then asked to have an iud inserted. she said she's sorry and can always try again when we have more money.

so two things bother me about this. one, why did she go to somebody else and not tell me what was going on. two, did she have an abortion. I've read posts from women saying they faked miscarriages so their husbands and boyfriend don't know about the abortion.

if she had an abortion I wouldn't care as long as she just told me the truth, I mean I totally understand why she would do it. but either way, even if she miscarried, why didn't she even tell me she was calling in sick and why. I mean seriously wtf. am I way over thinking this or is this a bad sign about our relationship?

 

[Ruleit]

She had an abortion.

Women that have miscarriages are NOT "matter of fact" about it. It is a traumatic life event. You know this.

She isn't telling you the truth because she thinks you will judge her and hold it against her. And she isn't wrong, because at some point in time you will.

Additionally, YES, it's a bad sign in a relationship. She has started to lie and deceive you. It's downhill from here.

IMHO I'd start spinning plates while gracefully exiting this relationship.

Put your emotions aside. She's a single mom. She wants your 100% attention on her and her kids. She doesn't want to add another one to the mix. She's done you a favor

 

[bmp2cpm]

I agree with Ruleit. Seems very suspicious. Women lie so as to avoid the wrath of a man's anger and aggression. After millions of years, women are quite good at lying. Aggression is a sex strategy and lying is the counter strategy. Her strategy was premptive.

Bottom line, she does NOT feel the two of you has what it takes to have a child together. However, she does seem to feel you two have what it takes for her to use your resources for a bit more, until she can find a better mate, basically one with more resources. Leave now and you can apply your resources to more productive things in life.

 

[Kailex]

Confession time:

I was with someone years ago who got pregnant and 2 months in, had a miscarriage. The first thing she did was call me over and she called my mother as well. We were both there immediately. For a few weeks, she was traumatized.

She had to stay with my family for a week or two just to recover because her family was living out of the country.

Her immediate response was NOT: We can try again when (insert reason here).

I'd say the fact that you are having these thoughts and your gut is telling you something... I'd say, thank the heavens that you dodged the bullet here. If she truly had a miscarriage, she would have called you immediately. The call I received pretty much said that she was bleeding and she was going to an ER.

It doesn't matter what she says, everything you are describing says that it wasn't a miscarriage. If you are much more upset about this situation than she is, that says A LOT.

Eject.

 

[jc_80]

this was four weeks ago. so I tried taking about it with her asking why she didn't call me when she had time to call somebody else. she basically said she was trying to take care of herself and didn't know how to tell me and didn't really know what was going on but told me when she was done and ready on the same day. I really pissed her off apparently I'm selfish and eexpect too much from her and don't trust her and she thinks we should be done because we're both putting too much stress on each other.

 

[jc_80]

I have an ultrasound pic with her name and date on it. saw her do the pregnancy test I bought. her body was changing. pretty sure she was pregnant

 

[Kailex]

I really pissed her off apparently I'm selfish and eexpect too much from her and don't trust her and she thinks we should be done because we're both putting too much stress on each other.

Oh, buddy... she was done with this relationship. Doesn't matter if her "gay friend" used a coat hanger... this relationship is long over. It's time to read the writing on the wall, look that bullet in the face (you know, the one you just dodged) and move on from this one...

 

[jc_80]

ya I did dodge a bullet didn't I lmfao. I was done three weeks ago when she had a meltdown at dinner and smacked her son on the head then snapped at me and said I could go cut lettuce if I didn't want to deal with it. I kinda brought this up so she'd end it. she even said I obviously wasn't happy anymore since she's a moody ***** who doesn't know how to make me happy and brings me down.. guess I couldn't hide it. she kept thinking I couldn't handle how her kids behaved. never told her it was her behavior around her kids I couldn't handle.
still sucks to have to accept she's not who I thought she was. they really know how to put on a good act to draw you in.

 

[ghp]

ya I did dodge a bullet didn't I lmfao. I was done three weeks ago when she had a meltdown at dinner and smacked her son on the head then snapped at me and said I could go cut lettuce if I didn't want to deal with it. I kinda brought this up so she'd end it. she even said I obviously wasn't happy anymore since she's a moody ***** who doesn't know how to make me happy and brings me down.. guess I couldn't hide it. she kept thinking I couldn't handle how her kids behaved. never told her it was her behavior around her kids I couldn't handle.
still sucks to have to accept she's not who I thought she was. they really know how to put on a good act to draw you in.

Imagine if you had a child with her..... What you saw and experienced is the tip of the iceberg those meltdowns would become more frequent ... move on my friend , take this as a learning experience and next time dont be so reckless.

 

[quagland]

Wow, sounds a lot like my last ex gf. She claimed to be pregnant, got a negative blood test, negative pee test, yet still acted like she was. Then had a "miscarriage" and I fled. BPD, bi-polar, insane. It's been 7 months and she still contacts me at least every week. You definitely dodged a bullet.

 

[speed dawg]

Run away from this woman as fast as you can. If you don't, then you deserve what you get.