Alternative approach

[krd]

I felt like writing this post, because I am fresh off the heels of a bad night last night and I am very discouraged. I went to a social gathering and was planning on asking a girl out, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t really have as good a time as I wanted, because the thought of having to do it was too overwhelming.

Now as I have mentioned, I have been a member of this board for a long time. I have read many of the articles and posts and have participated actively in the discussions. I believe I’ve a gained considerable amount of knowledge to the point where I can even give others advice if I wanted to.

But when it comes to applying what I’ve learned to my own life, that’s a completely different story. Even though I know what I should do, my fear and anxiety always win out and I end up not going through with it. I know most people will tell me “Don’t be ruled by fear. Be a man, be confident, and GO FOR IT!” Posts from people such as Pook can be very inspiring when you read them. It’s good advice, but I’ve heard it all before. When a situation comes where I must put to use what I know, I just buckle under the pressure. I also feel I’ve analyzed to death what is making me this way, what the reason is for my fear, all the way back to childhood, but it doesn’t help me very much in dealing with now.

So my other reason for writing this post is to bring about the question: is there another way? I’ve thought about shedding my (non-existent?) “DJ” persona to gain some actual experience. I know this sounds absurd, but unlike many DJ’s who started out by approaching women and getting rejected, I had practically no experience at all. Nearly everything I know is based on what I’ve read, and has little to do with first-hand experience. I don’t have much to base upon whether this stuff actually works. Maybe I need to start from the beginning and see things for myself. (Having said this, I must mention that in the past, I have been successful in getting phone numbers, but none of them translated into dates because either plans fell through, she was seeing someone, I felt she showed a lack of interest, or I was to scared to follow up on anything. I don’t believe I could do anything like that now. Perhaps experience actually hurt my progress in this case.)

One of the ways I was thinking of doing this is to let people know of my women troubles and stop keeping it such a secret, which is most likely the opposite of what a DJ would advise. The problem with being a shy person is that many people may get the impression that you aren’t even interested in dating and relationships. By letting it be known, I may find a lot of people, both men and women, who can empathize with my situation and may even be willing to help me out, introduce me to someone, etc.

Also, when asking a woman out, maybe I should not concern myself with doing it “correctly” right now. Instead of worrying about what words to use and getting tongue-tied, trying to hide my nervousness and acting confident, I should just do it in the way I feel most comfortable. Even let her know that I am nervous. Although I know I can’t expect to actually get a date with her, it might help me to get used to doing it, so that when I finally feel comfortable enough, I will be able to do it in the true “DJ” way. In fact, for the time being I may have to completely take the focus off actually “getting” the girl. This could be a difficult thing to do, especially since it’s so important to me. But it seems to me as if it would be a necessary step in getting to where I want to be; just doing it and not being concerned with the results.

I don’t know, maybe I’m not making any sense at all. It’s just that at this point I feel I could know all the tips and techniques in the world, and it wouldn’t make any difference. My fear isn’t going to go away simply by receiving a pep talk. I guess I am running out of ideas, and it seems to me that if I am not ready to apply the DJ principles just yet, I may need to wipe my slate clean and start from the ground up. I certainly wouldn’t recommend this to just anybody, especially if you are able to approach women, but just aren’t good at it or haven’t had any significant success. In that case, it’s probably a good idea to follow the advice on this site and adjust your approach accordingly.

Anyway, does anybody agree with this? Like I said, I’m not pretending to know what I’m talking about, I’m just sort of brainstorming to find an alternative approach for someone in my situation. Feedback is welcome.

 

[TDK4]

Well I can understand what you mean, but I seriously reccomend you read the bible again. But this time go through each article slowly. In high school english they preach "close reading", well that s what I suggest for you. Take your time with each article and really let it sink in your head. Ive been coming to this site for about a year now and only recently after doing what I said above have I been getting successes. I think your problem is that you are not ready, you are taking too much of a jump too soon. You've got to build up. Here's soem advice straight from the bible, "Just play the game" dont concern yourself with "winning" or "losing" for playing the game itself is winning. This didnt mean much to me until I realy analyzed it. 2 weeks ago I went to a club completely struck out all night. I was pretty pissed off. When I got home I started rereading and closely reading parts of the DJ bible. When I came across that "Just pay the game" it really hit me. So a week later at the same club I decided to do this and ended up having one helluva night. I wasnt ultra successful, but seccessful enough with the ladies to completely overshadow the sh*tty week I had previously. The idea is (more knowledge from the bible) just play the game. You may suck at it at first, but the more you play it the more skill you acquire. With more skill it will eventually lead to you becoming really successful one day. In the meantime, like I said you can't have it all at once. Youll only get what you are ready for. Youre taking too large of a jump too early. For every girl you dance with at a club, or every number you get or dont get for that matter, That is a success!. For you had the stones to go for what you wanted no matter what that little AFC voice inside your head told you. Youare playing the game and when you are ready and skilled enough you will not only be bagging numbers, but getting more dates, and so on. Its a game of levels. To get to one level you must be at a certain leve. There is no cheating the process, It just takes time and patience. you said you "need" a girl, THATS BS! With that mentality of "needing" a girl its only going to get you walked all over and hurt by woman. Screw that! All you need is some decent wingmen and a few good nights out to reach the next level. I find that if you have good wingmen with you it'll give you that extra added boost.

-Hope this helped a bit, for we all felt this way once. Just don't let it defeat you. You only lose when you let it defeat you.


TDK

 

[Bungo Pony]

Try focusing on women you don't find THAT attractive first. If you're not intimidated by them, you'll have a much easier time with it. As you get more comfortable with the less attractive ones, you can move your way up. Take small steps, and you'll eventually get there.

 

[JJMcLure]

I think you should go and get some of that first hand experience you say you're lacking. Go and aim to get rejected by women. Make it a game, make it fun. Laugh when they reject you. Thing is, you'll find not all will. But aim at it so you have nothing to lose.

Most of the time girls try to be so nice when they reject you, that sometimes guys don't even realise it. Don't be afraid of rejection.

I'm not going to go into it all because you've read the bible enough. You know the story.

As for your proposed method, I don't think it would be successful. You could probably pick up some shy, insecure or manipulative chick on the rebound if you kept at it. But would that be success?

The most important thing is experience of what does and does not work. If it makes you feel beter by trying it, then go ahead. Then you can come back and think again on what might work.

Just get some experience. That's the important part. I think you'd become more successful quicker by following the Bible, but just do whatever it takes.

Try the DJ Bootcamp.