AFC's wish to be less AFC

[stat]

hello,

I am close to my 30s and to be honest I never really tried to get women. I acted asexual most of my life but a closeted hetero sexual deep down. When I did try in the past to get that one girl and with undesirable results I found myself becoming an AFC and didn't like it. The failure was too much for my weak will and avoided it until some other girl would come along and the pattern would repeat itself.

Here is a little something about me. I am shy and introverted by nature. My parents kept me sheltered and were content keeping me this way. So now I am trying to find out what I can or rather cannot do and correct.

So for this year's resolution is to ask out 100 different girls and get shot 100 times. I don't know how to define rejections to be honest. it can be anything from a NO, a fake phone number, and being stood up.

I am much too outcome oriented which leads to my nervousness.

So this year I started to work at this local club as a weight room supervisor. I was being nice to a lot of girls and talking to them whenever I can. I was NOT nervous because I was going by the saying, "don't crap where you eat."

So that's what I went with. Eventually this girl from my workplace with whom I have been making small talk with notices I am having a bad day and comes up to talk to me. She made me feel better by comforting me about the crap my bosses were giving me. ok fine. I said thank you for comforting me.

But minutes later She comes back and flirts with me. I get somewhat nervous because of her sensuality. She placed a small teddy bear on a table i was working on. I pick it up and started goofing around making funny voices etc...

I hand it back to her and she did what I thought may have been "kino". her finger caressed my palm and I semi jumped in surprise. She asks me if I was going to a staff party that was a few days away. I say I don't know. She replies you go better plans? I replied, I may be busy with moving stuff out of my house (I was moving out).

So the party comes around, she is surprised to see me. we shoot hoops around and talk a bit but I get nervous like an AFC. When it was time to eat, I look away from her and she did see I was avoided eye contact with her. She looked hurt (from my interpretation). I have a feeling she saw fear in me which I am guessing women hate in a man.

So I got a girl to like me (my interpretation at least) but my nervousness downgraded me back to AFC status and maybe friend status with her. That was early december.

I have a feeling a messed up and it ruined the romance (or whatever it was)...So...time goes by when I ignored her and minimized small talk with her and plus our hours were changed and I only see her 3 days a week.

So last monday, I decided to break my own AFC cycle and asked her to come along with me (and other staff members) to a place to eat. not a real date or anything. It was for tonight. The place was closed but I drove to the workplace (50 yards away). She worked today and I didn't. It was closing time and I knocked and she let me in. I tell her, it's closed and she replied I know i found out online. Then I tell her we should reschedule for wednesday for 11 am. I ask her when she shows up for work. At 2 pm she says. So I tell her we should eat at 1 pm. Then she asks about a co worker of mine if HE worked in the morning. I don't know why she would ask that.

So...then I ask her would you like to get coffee? She said, Not tonight. I asked her Are you sure? She said yes I am sure. I had a long day at work. Okay. well I asked for her phone number which she gave.

I don't know what happened maybe some of you seasoned DJs can shed some light on this. Did I forever lose her? If so how would you correct the above situation? I know I should be more journey oriented and I can't be but I keep falling back to AFC attitude whenever a girl shows attraction in me. AAAHHH...

I am doing this whole women pick up thing because it's my #1 fear in my life. I don't wan to live in a isolated world anymore.

Help me please.

 

[Stéphane]

First of all your gone in too far at this point you can't redeem your chances with her. I suggest you start approaching other girls, and then maybe once you meet a lot of girls she will start to show more interest in you.

Spin plates, read the DJ bible, and meet other girls, and don`t beat yourself over one girl. We all had that one girl that were kicking ourselves for screwing up with.

 

[horaholic]

You probably lost your shot, but if you handle your AFCness she might come around, but dont count on it. Go talk to other women, and hone your skills. Dont get caught up in her. There are plenty more. Read the DJ bible at the bottom of the page, and you'll know what to do.

 

[stat]

yeah that's what I thought guys...I did delete her phone number...just because i moved on as of this post...

1 down 99 to go.

 

[Stéphane]

Yeah man.. generally it takes 10 approaches before you get a date, 10 dates before you go into a relationship, and 10 people before you find the girl your going to marry...

Don't get discouraged it's a tough game.

 

[Farmboy]

Geez, I could have written this post a year ago when I first started lurking here. My advice is the same as the other guys': read the DJ bible and don't let yourself get down about what happened. Make sure to have lots of cool hobbies to keep you happy and interesting while you're taking your lumps. Good luck man.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Finances. What are they like?

Body. Current condition. Current plan.

Diet. How do you eat? How much, when?

Social life. How often? Women friends? Male friends? What do they do?

House, car, other material things. How big, condition... etc.?

When was the last time you remember not being AFC? And what caused it for you?



Everything counts. AFC is a lifestyle choice. You need to change everything. Doesn't have to be a huge change, but you do need to swap things around. When you enjoy your life as it is, you will attract women. It just happens. You need to work on the shyness. Is it just around women? The way to start is to be comfortable and happy with yourself.

 

[stat]

Finances. What are they like?

Body. Current condition. Current plan.

Diet. How do you eat? How much, when?

Social life. How often? Women friends? Male friends? What do they do?

House, car, other material things. How big, condition... etc.?

When was the last time you remember not being AFC? And what caused it for you?

Everything counts. AFC is a lifestyle choice. You need to change everything. Doesn't have to be a huge change, but you do need to swap things around. When you enjoy your life as it is, you will attract women. It just happens. You need to work on the shyness. Is it just around women? The way to start is to be comfortable and happy with yourself.

Finances = still living with parents at age 29 (long story I can't move out due to immigration issues).

Body condition = fit but with pot belly. I work out 4-5 times a week.

Diet = half junk food and half healthy stuff.

social life = near non existent. I have another AFC guy friend I hang out with. But nothing else besides this.

I can't think of a moment when I was NOT AFC. AFC 99% of my life. I am comfortable with most people even women. It's the romance part I can't be functional in. I can talk to women on a platonic level.

 

[stat]

Here is some weird stuff that happened. At work the next day (today), she avoided eye contact with me and was obviously flustered at the sight of me.

Thing is the department she is in, there are a lot of people who are aloof with me. If she went around and told about this to all her colleagues, it could look bad for me. I don't know...I never felt any warmth from the peeps at her department.

Am I being paranoid for thinking they that they think I am a creepy guy? Maybe it's my negative thinking. I don't know...

Asking girls out on a date from your workplace is NOT a good idea (at least for me personally).