Hey all, sometimes poster- frequent lurker.
I have a ****ing trip, and TLDR for you.
I went on a date with this girl. For the second time in my life I have felt the 'feels of infatuation'. Of all the girls I have ever dated (50+) at this point- only two have ever done this to me. My first serious LTR GF and now this new one. New one is a 29y/o super successful lawyer
First date went well, Second date kiss close (One date each week)- and then it went on from there. I tried to follow my normal dating routines, and rule sets. Treat all girls the same. Long story short. Date 3 we end up sleeping together, she spends the night. Date 4, same thing happens. This is now 1 month. While laying in bed, she asks me to become exclusive. I was more than willing, as this is the second person in my 27 year life to ever touch me like this.
Then she drops the bomb. She is recently 3 months out of a 3.5 year engagement, where here fiancee cheated on her with one of her friends. I sit, and ponder this. Obviously- this girl is damaged, broken, toxic, fire. I even tell her this. But again- those terrible, horrible feelings. I decide that I am not the type of person to walk away from something so rare for me, so knowing the risks- I continue the relationship.
Soon we are seeing each other 1/2 Times during the week, and basically spending every weekend with each other. I take her rock climbing, teach her archery, go to an EDM festival, hit up some great restaurants, cook her breakfast once and awhile.
I meet her sister for a short while, her mother knows of me. A short time after becoming exclusive, we start texting each other, every day, about a dozen or so texts. Almost 1.5 months in and we start talking on the phone once and awhile. We start planning activities in the future / upcoming weeks.
About 2 months in- she mentions to me that she feels that we went 0-100 really fast in the relationship. To which I tell her- Well you asked to become exclusive, we see each other 1/2 times during the week and on weekends. We don't text marathon, and we talk on the phone once and awhile. Its not at is we spend every waking moment, or I expect you to be with me 24/7.
She agrees, laughs it off. As do I. (huge mistake here. I should have asked at this time, 'What are your expectations in this relationship then?) 12 days later- I was super drunk, haning out with her after a party- and I ask her the 'Hey do you mind if I just call you my GF? Otherwise I have just been introducing you as NAME'. She says sure. (However later that night, when I am 100% sober- she tells me "Did you know you asked me to be your GF? To which I again STUPIDLY doubled down, and said yah- that still cool?)
A week passes. We talk on the phone for 2+ hours at a time twice that week, we hang out at her place, and just make out and talk for 3+ hours. Nothing brought up, nothing changed.
This past weekend, she comes over- and tells me "I think that we should start dating other people. But I still want to date you, and would like to continue doing so."
We talked it over, and she was sobbing the entire time. I told her, no. I am not going to be an emotional tampon, and I am certainly not going to commit emotional suicide by being your 'second option'. She leaves, tears in her eyes and looking back at me as I shut the door after her.
Needless to say, I am torn up- bad over this 2.5 month relationship. I was invested, I was very into her- and I thought she was the same. Our chemistry was clearly seen by many of my friends, who made comments about it. She herself told me (while in bed) that I was the best she has ever had, and had never enjoyed oral sex before me. Many times she verbalized feelings of intimacy with me. Hence why I was taken so off guard by this.
I come to you gentlemen asking for help.
At this point and time, she has a letter from me basically saying 'I care about you, but you need to walk this journey alone. When you make yourself whole again, and want to try dating- call me.' Otherwise I have told her point blank, not to contact me in any way. I have deleted her from all my applications, and have had no contact with her for close to 1 week.
I need help. I need help because I don't want to walk away from something so rare. (Not that a girl is rare. What is rare is that she is the second person in my 27 year life who has touched me like this). So I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue to walk away, or do i box my feelings- and continue to be in her life. (While dating other girls as well) Ideally so that way, when she is dating around with other chumps (who in no way could ever compare to me) I am still around for her to come running back too.
Or...
Do i save all of my time, money and effort and pour it into other girls. Leave her, with the logic being- that even if she was damaged she still chose to partially dump me, and play the field.
Clearly this girl is not ready for commitment, clearly she is unable to have any semblance of an LTR and is more than likely emotionally healing from the trauma of her last relationship. Either way I can't make up my mind, and I am going nuts.
If anyone has any insight on this- or any advice, it would be appreciated.
Thank you fellow DJs
I have a ****ing trip, and TLDR for you.
I went on a date with this girl. For the second time in my life I have felt the 'feels of infatuation'. Of all the girls I have ever dated (50+) at this point- only two have ever done this to me. My first serious LTR GF and now this new one. New one is a 29y/o super successful lawyer
First date went well, Second date kiss close (One date each week)- and then it went on from there. I tried to follow my normal dating routines, and rule sets. Treat all girls the same. Long story short. Date 3 we end up sleeping together, she spends the night. Date 4, same thing happens. This is now 1 month. While laying in bed, she asks me to become exclusive. I was more than willing, as this is the second person in my 27 year life to ever touch me like this.
Then she drops the bomb. She is recently 3 months out of a 3.5 year engagement, where here fiancee cheated on her with one of her friends. I sit, and ponder this. Obviously- this girl is damaged, broken, toxic, fire. I even tell her this. But again- those terrible, horrible feelings. I decide that I am not the type of person to walk away from something so rare for me, so knowing the risks- I continue the relationship.
Soon we are seeing each other 1/2 Times during the week, and basically spending every weekend with each other. I take her rock climbing, teach her archery, go to an EDM festival, hit up some great restaurants, cook her breakfast once and awhile.
I meet her sister for a short while, her mother knows of me. A short time after becoming exclusive, we start texting each other, every day, about a dozen or so texts. Almost 1.5 months in and we start talking on the phone once and awhile. We start planning activities in the future / upcoming weeks.
About 2 months in- she mentions to me that she feels that we went 0-100 really fast in the relationship. To which I tell her- Well you asked to become exclusive, we see each other 1/2 times during the week and on weekends. We don't text marathon, and we talk on the phone once and awhile. Its not at is we spend every waking moment, or I expect you to be with me 24/7.
She agrees, laughs it off. As do I. (huge mistake here. I should have asked at this time, 'What are your expectations in this relationship then?) 12 days later- I was super drunk, haning out with her after a party- and I ask her the 'Hey do you mind if I just call you my GF? Otherwise I have just been introducing you as NAME'. She says sure. (However later that night, when I am 100% sober- she tells me "Did you know you asked me to be your GF? To which I again STUPIDLY doubled down, and said yah- that still cool?)
A week passes. We talk on the phone for 2+ hours at a time twice that week, we hang out at her place, and just make out and talk for 3+ hours. Nothing brought up, nothing changed.
This past weekend, she comes over- and tells me "I think that we should start dating other people. But I still want to date you, and would like to continue doing so."
We talked it over, and she was sobbing the entire time. I told her, no. I am not going to be an emotional tampon, and I am certainly not going to commit emotional suicide by being your 'second option'. She leaves, tears in her eyes and looking back at me as I shut the door after her.
Needless to say, I am torn up- bad over this 2.5 month relationship. I was invested, I was very into her- and I thought she was the same. Our chemistry was clearly seen by many of my friends, who made comments about it. She herself told me (while in bed) that I was the best she has ever had, and had never enjoyed oral sex before me. Many times she verbalized feelings of intimacy with me. Hence why I was taken so off guard by this.
I come to you gentlemen asking for help.
At this point and time, she has a letter from me basically saying 'I care about you, but you need to walk this journey alone. When you make yourself whole again, and want to try dating- call me.' Otherwise I have told her point blank, not to contact me in any way. I have deleted her from all my applications, and have had no contact with her for close to 1 week.
I need help. I need help because I don't want to walk away from something so rare. (Not that a girl is rare. What is rare is that she is the second person in my 27 year life who has touched me like this). So I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue to walk away, or do i box my feelings- and continue to be in her life. (While dating other girls as well) Ideally so that way, when she is dating around with other chumps (who in no way could ever compare to me) I am still around for her to come running back too.
Or...
Do i save all of my time, money and effort and pour it into other girls. Leave her, with the logic being- that even if she was damaged she still chose to partially dump me, and play the field.
Clearly this girl is not ready for commitment, clearly she is unable to have any semblance of an LTR and is more than likely emotionally healing from the trauma of her last relationship. Either way I can't make up my mind, and I am going nuts.
If anyone has any insight on this- or any advice, it would be appreciated.
Thank you fellow DJs
