Advice Needed: Hooking Up With College Friend From the Past

[davelmn2003]

I'm back home for the summer for 2 months and I e-mail this girl I was interested in (but never made a move on) in college (I'm in grad school now and she's working). FYI, she is a HB, blonde, kind of short, but with a pretty face and nice body; I'd say around 8.5.

Within an hour after I sent her an e-mail she e-mailed back. I said we should meet up sometime and she said yes. We hadn't communicated for over a year (after we both graduated). She used to tell other people how nice I was, but I also know that she had/has? a boyfriend. She also at one point said in passing said that I was too good for her (academically speaking--umm...does that mean that she had considered me as a BF material?). She's actually very intelligent herself. We always have interesting and intelligent conversations.

Anyway. She gave me her work and home phone numbers in the e-mail. I phoned her (after I got her e-mail for about 2 hours) at her work place. I know I should have waited, but when my parents are home I don't feel as comfortable so I make the call (they're home most of the time).

We had a great conversation on the phone, and then we agreed that we should meet up next weekend. She said next weekend evening would be good (this weekend her parents are going elsewhere and she has things to attend to).

What do you DJ's think of this situation? My old AFC thinking tells me that she thinks I'm just a very good friend who is male and who happens to be in town; so meeting up is natural and means nothing more. When I was in college, I was interested in her, but being an AFC I just didn't act on it; plus, she had a boyfriend.

Now, I'm thinking: she's available on a weekend evening...doesn't she have better things to do (spending time with a bf [IF she has one] on a weekend evening, especially when she's working now?) Also, the tenative plan is that I'll go to a metro station at her area, one block from her new place. Man, I'm just thinking about the possibilities IF I don't screw up.

comments, suggestions, advice highly appreciated!!! DJ's please help in my hour of need. I have one week to prepare.

 

[davelmn2003]

To clarify, the talk about BF and me being too intelligent for her occurred when we were back in college.

We just talked about our new developments since we graduated on the phone this afternoon. No mention of BF or marriage on the phone.

 

[marqZAL]

Well if you have not talked to her in a yea...what do you ahve to lose by trying to get in her pants???? Jump on the bomb...take the little lady out, have some fun and dont worry about what shes thinking.....but make damn sure she knows whats on your mind specially if you want some ass.... then shell let ya know where ya stand when u make a move!

 

[davelmn2003]

IF she shows me her new place (she moved out of her parents' house in April), should I make a move? Would SHE expect me to make a move? Or would she think it's just an innocent invitation to a good friend? (who then takes advantage of her trust--if I make a move)?

I want to make a move on this girl....what would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

I have 2 months. Should I take my time, go out a few times before making a move or should I go for the gold on the first meeting? (technically it's not really a date, you know--we're just "meeting up", as friends do)

 

[Azariah]

One good turn deserves another.

From what you've said, your previous AFC behavior was simply not going after the girl. That’s a “sin” she’s probably forgotten. You've got a chance. Grab it!

So, you’ve agreed to meet her at her place and it isn’t a date? Well, I would approach this one of two ways. You could go for the gold: engage in some warm and witty conversation, get some kino working for you, and go for the kiss. The only caveat to this approach is that, in order to be successful, you must be comfortable enough in the situation to pull it off gracefully. This might be difficult since you’re on her turf. If you don’t keep your cool, she’ll smell your fear and that could spell trouble. The other option would be to treat the visit like a “pickup”. That is to say, only stay and chat for about 20 minutes and then excuse yourself. Be friendly, confident, etc... Keep it short and keep the details of the rest of your evening to yourself. Then call her a few days later and tell her you’d like to take her out.

The key to your success here is to be assertive. If she's interested in you as more than a friend, you'll find out very quickly. I found a great webpage about a month ago that succinctly defines assertiveness. I revisit it every week or so because I still haven’t mastered the material. http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/Brochures/assertiv.htm

Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst. Gambatte! (Japanese expression that is said before a big event, loosely meaning "Do your best!")

 

[davelmn2003]

thanks for the advice given so far; keep them coming!

We're meeting in her AREA, but may or may not go to her new place. I have to plan in advance, though, you see, in case she invites me to see her new dwelling place. I'm a pretty shy person. Since I found this website I've learned to be more assertive, but I'm still very very far from being a DJ.

I come home from my study every 3 months or so, so a long-term relationship, while not the best, is still viable if both parties are interested in each other enough (plus, she plans to go to law school, if we're "in", she could pursue her degree at my university!)...

Ok, let's focus on the very short term first...

I mean, she showed interest for sure, but after all these years, I still cannot tell when a girl is interested in you or just being friendly with you....

Note to self: if it all goes south, then so what? I barely see her! I have to confess that while I did like her in college, I now look at her in a new light, as someone who's potentially available for me--not just someone you can only dream about.

More input welcomed! Specifically:

1) should I give her my home phone number? If so, when (between now and our meeting)? How (e-mail or phone her?) What can I accomplish by giving her my #?

2) should I make plans as to where we should have dinner or whether we should go for a drink at a bar? (I don't know her area well, so I don't know what's around; and I don't know if she likes drinking; you see, I had this "good, nice guy" image in college, and she kind of liked that, so I don't know what kind of a new image should I present...someone sensual? I want to initiate kino, having read about its magic, but I don't think I can do it natrually or gracefully...)

3) make it an evening date or just go away after dinner?? Azariah touched on this subject. My plan is to have dinner and get a drink, then hopefully we'll have our guards/inhibitions down, then we can perhaps go to her place...?

4) HOW TO SHOW HER MY INTEREST? How can I appear as someone who could be her boyfriend or at the very least, someone she could sleep with (I'll be honest here). Also, I used to avoid her eye contact because I just couldn't look into her eyes for more than a few seconds. HOW to look at a woman and communicate my interest without appearing forced?

Sorry I know it's long, but I've promised myself that I'm going to turn my love life around over this summer!! I need all the help/comments/suggestions I can get... Thanks!

 

[am4591]

Definitely make your move if you get back to her place. But since you're not sure if you are going there, it'd be better to make a move before. Just be sure you lead up to it--get her in the right mood, conversation, kino, etc. In other words, don't just suddenly do it cold.

1. Don't give her your number.
2. Make definite plans, and you would do well to scout out the area beforehand, become more familiar with it.
3. What do you mean by just go away after dinner?
4. Listen, you're taking her out--so she knows that you're interested. Show her a good time, get her talking and laughing. Maybe introduce kino gradually at first if she's not used to you touching her.

 

[davelmn2003]

By "going away after dinner" I mean have a conversation with her over the dinner and for a little while afterwards, then end the night. This is actually not my preference. My preference rather is to have a dinner and then get some drinks to help me (us) get into a more intimate, chatty mood.

Indeed you're right...I can't count on her inviting me back home. I have to act beforehand.

Follow-up question: What kinds of TOPICS would lead more easily into something less about the good old friends' days and more about relationships and sensual subjects? I've never touched this girl and I don't know how I'm going to turn from a "good friend" to someone's sensual and who kinos her on one night....

I hope there are more of you who could help me out. The forum used to have more responses (at least to the posts that I posted).