Accidental Skype Game

[origin138]

Sup gents,

I had an out-of-the-ordinary scenario unfold last night that left me scratching my head and I'd like your opinions.

I don't have much experience with online/phone game so this area is definitely not my forte.

Last night one of our programming teams was finalizing some work with a now former vendor over Skype (voip). The discussion ended, and one of the women started chatting me up, qualifying herself, talking about what she wants in a man, asking what I wanted in a woman, etc. At that point, the business relationship was over, so I figured what the hell.

The girl is conservative, and is a strong believer in traditional gender roles and disqualifies men if they don't open doors or perform other mild acts of chivalry. She even brought up feminism and mentioned how it's hurt women in many ways. She also has a strong relationship with her father which is something I look at closely when qualifying women.

We talked for about 4 hours and I actually didn't get bored (if a woman has no energy and bores me, I walk away mid sentence). During this time she threw multiple sh!t tests at me, all of which I laughed off and joked with her about. Once she realized I wasn't taking the bait, she freely admitted "yea, we women test a lot because men will say anything."

At one point she was saying "I can tell if I've found a quality man by what part of the steak he gives me if I ask him for a bite, or if he walks on the street side when we're walking together on the sidewalk." It surprised me that women put this much thought into these things. It surprised me more at how candidly she was divulging her screening secrets.

Long story short, the convo went well, she showed very high interest level the whole time, and she'll be moving out here to live in 3 months for a job that she'll be taking. We've agreed to meet up at that time but continue to talk over Skype until then, and likely meet in person in a month.

Here's where I start wondering if I've been friend zoned:

I told her to give me her number, and she declined and wanted to talk over Skype instead. She cited security concerns with the online world and that she wanted to take things slow and get to know me to make sure I wasn't some kind of lurk (ugh). She said that her cell phone is too much of a direct link to her for someone she doesn't know well. I responded indifferently.

I started kicking myself in the ass for making such a rookie mistake, but then again, it's not the like the conversation wasn't going anywhere. Once she declined to give me her number, I tried ending the conversation multiple times, and she insisted on keeping the conversation going with questions and more interest.

As I wrap this up, something is a bit off with this experience and I'm hoping you guys can help me figure out what it is, and what could be done better. This distance/online crap is a totally new experience. I'd drop the entire thing if there wasn't any potential in the very near future.

Thanks.

 

[HalfAddict]

I would not have even given her four hours over Skype.. Don't worry about the number thing.

Here is the question I have for you, what are you looking to gain from this interaction?

 

[origin138]

I would not have even given her four hours over Skype.. Don't worry about the number thing.

Here is the question I have for you, what are you looking to gain from this interaction?

I'm mainly looking to keep options open with a woman who seems to, at least initially, have some strong intrinsic qualities that are largely lacking in the women I talk to daily.

I don't view LDR's as a meaningful way to maintain intimacy. But seeing as how she's going to be living out here (next city over) soon, I'd like to keep my options open. Quality women are in very short supply in my neck of the woods.

So to answer your question, I'd be looking to learn more about what this broad is about.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Men need to "test" just like women do. If you talk for four hours over skype, you have no idea what her intentions are. The idea is to make her shyte or get off the pot as quickly as possible. This will quickly weed out those that don't already have high interest.

Of course, you can argue that turning a low interest girl into a high interest girl is something of a hobby, or a skill, or whatever.

But plenty of folks find that qualifying early, and only hanging out with high interest girls is a lot easier. Cuts down on flakes, shyte tests tests, etc.

How do you do this?

Always close for the number. This is an old Doc Love standard.

After five or ten minutes of fluff talk, say something like this:

You: Hey, I like talking to you a lot, but I gotta go. Give me your number and we'll pick this up some other time.

Her: But I only like skype blah blah blah

You: That's cool. See you around.

If she's into you, interested, has enough self confidence, she'll give you her her number. Otherwise, she's not into you enough. Move on.

There are FAR too many women out there to spend any time chasing some girl online who wants to spend a month "feeling comfortable" to meet you in person.

Of course, this isn't to say that skype/texting can't be a fantastic tool, it is. But if it's your only means of communicating with her, it's pretty useless.

 

[origin138]

If she's into you, interested, has enough self confidence, she'll give you her her number. Otherwise, she's not into you enough. Move on.

Thanks for the feedback, couldn't agree more. Not giving a phone number has always been the point I walk on anything related to women. To me it's the ultimate sign of disinterest. I viewed this a bit differently with her because of the online nature of it all and agree that her security concerns are probably valid.

I'll back way off on this. If she wants to talk again or move this thing forward it's on her. I've done my part.

 

[HalfAddict]

I am in agreeance with taiyuu_otoko. Most women will willingly give out their phone number to men they know nothing about at a bar, yet this woman who has just received four hours of your time and claimed to have enjoyed the interaction cannot do this? Still I would not worry about not getting the number right away or feel like you made the wrong move by asking. If you are interested in continuing the interaction by all means do so, and ask for that number every time, if you pull another Skype marathon and she still refuses I would suggest moving on.

The security excuse is just convienent, she has other reasons for not giving the number whatever they may be, I do not believe the problem lies in you.

 

[origin138]

I am in agreeance with taiyuu_otoko. Most women will willingly give out their phone number to men they know nothing about at a bar, yet this woman who has just received four hours of your time and claimed to have enjoyed the interaction cannot do this?

When you put it like this, I think I've got my answer. Her security concerns may be valid, but she's 29 years old. If she's worried about giving out her phone number, that's really her problem, not mine.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

 

[The Gambler]

I'm going to disagree on a minor point that was discussed above...

If you get the vibe of who this woman is, and how she thinks, you will quickly see that she's a Type-C (or maybe a Type-A) personality... She analyzes things -- big time. I'm not saying this is good or bad, but that's just how she is. Not giving her phone number out is consistent with everything else you mentioned regarding her personality. I have no reason to believe she wouldn't give it to you after another Skype or two.

The REAL question here is if you're ready to spend time with a person who is so observant... While I generally like this kind of personality type, it would be hard for me to be in a potential relationship with someone who notices every time I'm two minutes late or was accidentally walking on the "wrong" side of her. How extreme she is with her personality is yet to be known. The first Skype was a huge info-gathering session for her, and even though the second Skype may also be similar, I would hope she'd turn it down a notch or two and be more casual, and not mention so many details about everything. That'll be a huge red flag to look for.

Cookie-cutter advice isn't appropriate in all situations... In this case, the no phone number thing. Once again, I think she was being honest as to why she didn't give it to you. But you're well on the way with her, my friend, if you want to be... I'm pretty sure she doesn't talk to guys like this very often!

The Gambler

 

[origin138]

I'm going to disagree on a minor point that was discussed above...

If you get the vibe of who this woman is, and how she thinks, you will quickly see that she's a Type-C (or maybe a Type-A) personality... She analyzes things -- big time. I'm not saying this is good or bad, but that's just how she is. Not giving her phone number out is consistent with everything else you mentioned regarding her personality. I have no reason to believe she wouldn't give it to you after another Skype or two.

Tons of great insight on this paragraph. You nailed it. She's a chemical engineer and is very analytically minded. It's a bit misleading though, because on one hand she's very social and outgoing (not common for most engineers) and on the other hand she was able to raise some interesting points of observation. When she declined the phone number it struck me as odd that it was done with so much conveyed interest on her part.

The REAL question here is if you're ready to spend time with a person who is so observant... While I generally like this kind of personality type, it would be hard for me to be in a potential relationship with someone who notices every time I'm two minutes late or was accidentally walking on the "wrong" side of her. How extreme she is with her personality is yet to be known. The first Skype was a huge info-gathering session for her, and even though the second Skype may also be similar, I would hope she'd turn it down a notch or two and be more casual, and not mention so many details about everything. That'll be a huge red flag to look for.

Nailed it again. She fired off questions in rapid succession. It was pretty relentless to say the least. On one hand it was somewhat flattering, on the other hand it was pretty aggressive. There were many times I had to turn the tables on her and re-establish control over the conversation. As far as being ready to spend time with such a woman, that's not really a problem since every female in my family behaves similarly...it's what I know. I would expect her to turn it down several notches in future conversations though. The fact she's successful, attractive, and single and 29 makes me wonder how many guys she's scared off. She did mention 2 of them.

Cookie-cutter advice isn't appropriate in all situations... In this case, the no phone number thing. Once again, I think she was being honest as to why she didn't give it to you. But you're well on the way with her, my friend, if you want to be... I'm pretty sure she doesn't talk to guys like this very often!

She did mention she never talks to men at such lengths, so I find it interesting how you called that out perfectly. She also kept asking me multiple times to keep the conversation under the vest and that she divulged info to me she hadn't really divulged to anyone in our professional or social circles. Initially i thought this was a red flag (no business relationship exists, we're not being sexual, why so worried?), but now that you've explained it, perhaps it was a big compliment on her part. She seemed to value her privacy much more so than most other women I engage.

Thanks for this well-articulated post. Maybe I'll ride this one out.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Origin,
You have established that you are needy with this Lady,half way to pedastalising her,Four hours of Skype,that's two and a half feature films...She has set the frame for you,laid out what she wants,what she doesn't want...Silly really,my experience of such Women is that they want to have their Cake and eat it also,in general they run with those who like to have doors open,but dine with the Feminists...However,as she possibly doesn't know anyone in what may well be a strange Town,you will do as someone to show her the ropes...For a while that is..You have a couple of months to redeem yourself...Remember Game!...****y and Funny,she is no different to the rest...And never engage anyone in what was really an impromptu first date for that long!

 

[origin138]

Dear Origin,
You have established that you are needy with this Lady,half way to pedastalising her,Four hours of Skype,that's two and a half feature films...She has set the frame for you,laid out what she wants,what she doesn't want...Silly really,my experience of such Women is that they want to have their Cake and eat it also,in general they run with those who like to have doors open,but dine with the Feminists...However,as she possibly doesn't know anyone in what may well be a strange Town,you will do as someone to show her the ropes...For a while that is..You have a couple of months to redeem yourself...Remember Game!...****y and Funny,she is no different to the rest...And never engage anyone in what was really an impromptu first date for that long!

Hey Scaramouche,

You're right. This is one of those situations I look back on and see many things that went wrong and facepalm. I forgot the fundamentals and lost the frame. I appreciate your candor and redirection. I'll update this thread as things evolve. Practice indeed makes perfect.

 

[Burroughs]

You were basicly this girls conversation tampon..she got what she wanted from you and you got nothing from her and you never will

next time, never talk to a girl for more than 5 minutes ever when you first meet!

get the number and get out.

...girls pretty much know in the first 3 minutes if they're going to fvck you...so for most of the 4 hour conversation you were in the friendzone and there is nothing you could have done about it.

like tokyo taco said stick with high interest biatches

also btw..when a girl says she's 'conservative' thats her nice way of saying she's not down to fvck you...of course there are real conservative girls but they never tell you if they want to fvck you.

and you didn't get any 'sh1t tests' because you never got the number....sh!t tests come after definitive interest is established not for friend zone delegates

 

[The Gambler]

I think you guys are missing the boat on this one. Just my opinion.

 

[Burroughs]

I think you guys are missing the boat on this one. Just my opinion.

yes we're missing it on purpose.....because the boat has a ton of leaks :crackup:

 

[The Gambler]

yes we're missing it on purpose.....because the boat has a ton of leaks :crackup:

Hey now.... WORDS HURT!

 

[origin138]

UPDATE

Actually, both side of the fence were right on this one.

Chick called on Skype a little while ago and I played it right. She started in with more questions, and I cut her off and told her I had to go. In Gambler's favor, he was spot on about her behavior on this call, and she tossed out the phone number within the first few minutes. Honestly, I think she was testing to see if I'd open my mouth about our discussion to people we both know.

To take it a step further, she's flying out Friday night and we've got plans for the weekend. Her attitude changed immediately when I started taking the conversation lightly and playing around with her. I made it clear I wasn't interested in another 4 hours of 1-sided BS and she no doubt respected that. It's amazing what playful teasing, boundaries, and a little bit of arrogance will do for a man.

I don't know why this shi!t works, but it does.

Thanks for the reality check gents. I'll let you know how it forms next week. In person game should go much better.

 

[Three]

Well played, origin. Just remember to keep your frame when you meet her. This is your story.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

UPDATE It's amazing what playful teasing, boundaries, and a little bit of arrogance will do for a man.

Money.