A theory about reversing Oneitis

[Dirtheart]

I have a theory that girls/women often fall in love with attention they receive. When a guy reveals a crush it goes to their head, and eventually they grow dependent on it.

The AFC traits may be offputting for them at the time, but I believe whenever they get rejected, a relationship fails etc there's consolation in thinking "Well, x still has feelings for me" and they can use the poor AFC to revive their ego.

Yet, as soon as that interest stops (or appears to stop), they'll be the ones doing the chasing because they'll need to reassure themselves that the source of their confidence is still there and that they still have appeal. They'll even start wondering "Why isn't he interested any more? Is it me? Why doesn't he need me?" and suddenly the former AFC is consuming her mind.

The former AFC then gains the upper hand and the roles are reversed. The former AFC has the control and power, which we all know is an attractive quality for women. This also boosts his confidence, which is another attractive quality. What's more, the former AFC will have developed a sense of mystery in her eyes - i.e. what's so good about his life that he doesn't need her any more?

So, in short, the way to turn oneitis around is to stop showing any interest and to be patient.

But please bare in mind this is only a theory. I've seen it happen first hand and also with friends of mine, and I've just tried to evaluate the process behind it.

 

[J-Man]

yeah that makes sense. im sure a lot of people with oneitis could use this advice... i think pretty much everyone says to do what you say, but this is basically an in-depth explanation of why.

in short: no new instructions, but a better understanding of the old ones. nice

 

[RogueWarrior]

(First post so take it w/ a grain of salt)

I have a friend who is quite the DJ.
Last fall I asked him "You once told me that you could get any woman you ever wanted. How do you do that?" He says to me "Are you prepared to do whatever it takes?" "Yeah." "Are you SURE?" "Yeah." "Stop calling her. Stop calling her. Stop calling her. No emails. No letters. Nada." He told me that you'll learn two things by doing this. One: if she's interested, she'll call you to find out where you disappeared to. Two: if she's not interested, she won't call and you won't have made yourself overly vulnerable.

Okay, so I try this. Two weeks go by. As a long-time AFC, I'm going nuts. So I call my DJ Jedi Master and I ask him how long I'm supposed to wait. He says "Sixty to ninety days." 60 to 90 DAYS?!?! Yikes! Well, friends, the very next day, she calls me.

My newbie DJ view of this is that she has pretty good IL in me. But it also means that I can't go back to being Mr. Nice Guy to her. I have to keep up the being aloof thing. She already knows that I can be Mr. Nice Guy. Now she has to know that I'm not a doormat.

 

[neoncola]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
I have a theory that girls/women often fall in love with attention they receive. When a guy reveals a crush it goes to their head, and eventually they grow dependent on it.

The AFC traits may be offputting for them at the time, but I believe whenever they get rejected, a relationship fails etc there's consolation in thinking "Well, x still has feelings for me" and they can use the poor AFC to revive their ego.

Yet, as soon as that interest stops (or appears to stop), they'll be the ones doing the chasing because they'll need to reassure themselves that the source of their confidence is still there and that they still have appeal. They'll even start wondering "Why isn't he interested any more? Is it me? Why doesn't he need me?" and suddenly the former AFC is consuming her mind.

The former AFC then gains the upper hand and the roles are reversed. The former AFC has the control and power, which we all know is an attractive quality for women. This also boosts his confidence, which is another attractive quality. What's more, the former AFC will have developed a sense of mystery in her eyes - i.e. what's so good about his life that he doesn't need her any more?

So, in short, the way to turn oneitis around is to stop showing any interest and to be patient.

But please bare in mind this is only a theory. I've seen it happen first hand and also with friends of mine, and I've just tried to evaluate the process behind it.

I had to bump this thread because I found it interesting.
I was with my gf for 2 years, we broke up ages ago but this was the story of our relationship.
I acted like a complete AFC and she lost interest. Then I felt all I could do was leave her alone. She came back as a female AFC and I was distant because she had hurt me.
Then I would become an AFC again and she would leave, I would be distant, then she comes back.
It can happen like this in so many relationships. It's a vicious cycle, both are only interested if they think the other isn't.
I was in a relationship like this for 2 years, don't let it happen to you it's a vicious cycle!

 

[DJDamage]

"SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL"

Personally the above quote is the best way to get rid of Oneitis. As soon as the chick you were infatiuated with dumps you or tells you she is not intrested and LJBF you, Your only option is to dissapear and don't SEE HER, Don't TALK TO HER and don't even MENTION HER in a conversation.

The quote pretty much tells you that if you don't hear,see and talk about evil, then in your mind evil will not exist. Same thing with a Oneitis, if you don't see her, talk to her(hear her voice) and speak about her, eventually your Oneitis will fade away (of coarse this is the first step, the other steps is to make yourself a better man and to go after other women for that Oneitis to completly dissapear)

If you try to convince yourself you can LJBF when you still have feelings for this girl, you will be hurt again and again, when she starts going with other men and you see them together or hear about them or she tells you about the new wonderful man in her life.

In a way I agree yet disagree with you Dirtheard :"stop showing any interest and to be patient."

I say you are better off completly cut this woman out of your life and move on if you are suffering from Oneitis.

 

[silverwex]

Yep, ive used this technique in the past.

Its about respect for yourself also...

 

[Kourt]

I've found the BEST way to get rid of oneitis is to get another girl. As soon as I find another girl all thoughts of the previous disapear. Works like a charm.

 

[CLOONEY]

If her interest is low in the beggining, the former AFC will NEVER be able to make her interested for a long time. As soon as she regains his interest, she will attention wh*re herself out to the next AFC, until a real man comes along and takes her away!