A Few Tips for Shy Guys

[NewAndImproved]

I've done everything to try to overcome social anxiety, from exposure therapy to even briefly SSRIs. Nothing has been more effective than cognitive behavioral therapy, basically the idea that thoughts influence behaviors and vice versa, and working on changing both.

One technique I learned was called "slow talk," where you slow down your speech. Many shy people have muddled thoughts, speak too quickly or too softly. "Slow talk," where you consciously slow down your speech just a bit, helps with this. First and foremost, it calms you down!

There's a common complaint that us shy guys have...we claim we don't know what to say...our minds are blank. It's not that they're blank, it's that they're occupied with worry (what does this person think of me, how am I sitting, am I maintaining proper eye contact etc etc) that normal and instinctual talk is stifled. Slow talk helps clear your mind so you can actually be yourself.

Slow talk also helps calm the people you are talking to. Shy people sometimes feel they are freaking the other person out when they're talking to them. Well, at times you might be making them uncomfortable, but it's not you. It's your anxiety. No one likes anxiety because everyone deals with it. Guys that can control their own anxiety are popular. Guys that go one step further and calm others are even more popular. Slowing things down helps everyone relax and can be quite a powerful tool when it comes to control.

For the past few months, I've been reapplying slow talk to great effect. It really makes you feel powerful, in control of yourself, your environment...and puts others at ease. At this point I've accepted that I'm not going to be this super high energy guy and that's fine. But don't let anyone tell you that's the only way to dominate a situation.

I have nothing to back it up but I believe PUA James Marshall was once shy. He applies what I'm talking about incredibly, and I'm working on using body language how he does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnOYxQnwOzk

Now I don't think this type of game works on every girl, but for those that are more thoughtful and intelligent, I think it's money.

 

[Inlone]

Good tip

I agree about slow talk's effectiveness.

I learned from Thomas Richards' tapes I bought a long time ago from the Social Anxiety Institute. Of course it doesn't mean slowwww wwaayyyyyyy dowwwnnnnn, like that. Just practice speaking a little bit slower. Practice on your own, alone, at first, then try it out in the live world.

 

[FairShake]

Be ok being quiet. It's literally the best advice I ever got. I was so concerned with NOT being quiet that I tried to joke and double talk my way into everyone's heart.

Most people are quieter around people they don't know. So it's ok if you are too.